General Chat

I have been asked to act as a mediator in an emotionally sensitive sitution. This involves a member of my family and partner.. it is the partner who has asked me.

I know that neither of them are going to be keen on some of the suggestions I might make (they will involve going to see professionals) and I am a little afraid that I could end up being estranged from both of them.

I have watched their situation develop, and have not felt able to *interfere*, so in a way, I am also pleased that at least one of them is recognising that something is awry... what would others do if faced with a similar request?

I really would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Love

Daff xxx

daff i would speak your mind i did when in a simlar situation, good luck and hope it works xxxx

OOH I don't envy you
been there-- take care

perhaps you could ask the family member if they want you to do it as well. If they both agree then there cant be any come backs that you were interferring.
That is .of course ,if you want to get involved.

Shirley

says me who avoids the truth so as not to hurt peeps sometimes lol, easier said than done xx

Trouble is sometimes people ask for your advice then resent you for giving it!

Good luck Daff.

Linda x

Lol Puss... I can be like that, too... or go in with both feet and make it worse, lol!

I have been involved in counselling type roles as a professional... but not with my family. I know that I may find it difficult to be impartial.
Thanks, EB... I will need to be very careful.
Shirley.. you are absolutely right, of course! The family member would probably take me interfering quite well, I know that. But it would be better that they know exactly why I am visiting them - give them time to leave the country without a forwarding address, lol!

Love

Daff xxx

That is my huge fear, Linda.. but I know that I have to do something, now that I have been asked, just trying to pluck up the courage to do it and the wisdom to say the right things at the right time. xxx

If they are also Close Friends Daff,I would suggest you tell them its best if they get professional advice,as you may upset one or the other with what you tell them. good luck.**M**.

Merlin, one of them is a very close family member... the partner has asked me to visit, and help them sort stuff out! I know that professional help is going to be required... and that the suggestion is going to be resented. I think I'm probably on a hiding to nothing, lol

I am girding my loins!!

Love Daff xxx

Think you had better steer them in the direction of the right professionals and let them take it from there... that way you remain neutral.

Linda x

This is always a contraversial situation when dealing with friends and family. Quite often the person trying , with the best intentions , to help ends up being the one cast aside and unpopular . I n this situation I would speak to the person again who asked for your help and suggest it would be wiser to speak to a professional who is not emotionally involved............... Just an opinion !

Good Luck

Lulli xx

Hi, Daff!

I once did an Counselling NVQ 1. We were taught not to suggest!!! Listen, ask questions to make the problem clear, respond appropriately, ask how THEY feel about it, ask if THEY think there is anything that can be done, ask them what THEY think is the first step, etc. etc. All suggestion MUST come from them. They know what they are able to do or not able to do.

Talking through their problems, will help them to see exactly what is wrong and it may help them to find an answer. Or, at least, take the first step in the right direction.

This way you are not interfering, only listening!!!

Good Luck!!!
Lindy
xxx

Gird them well Daff,and also take something to rap knuckles with,they may need it,as you well know,The Truth hurts,especially if its a Family member who tells it.Your a Brave Girl to try it. Oh, "A Tin Helmet" may be useful. **M**.xx.

As has been said, counselling is listening. Samaritans listen, they are trained to do that, not to advise.
By solely being there listening, sometimes, the ones doing the talking can see things that they had not seen before. But best for this to not be someone so close (imo). There could be resentment later that you had heard deeply personal things.

Thank you Lulli and Lindy... they are going to need professional help, that is an absolute definite... but they are both dead set against that. My main reason for saying that I would mediate... and I was careful to say *mediate* rather than *help* .... is that I know neither of them will reach this decision on their own! They really MUST seek professional help... and I fear that they are so against it, they might resent me just for that. I have a great deal to lose if this fails, believe me!! But I also know that I will lose it if I refuse to help, too... caught between a rock and a hard place, I think!

Love

Daff xxx

Really dont envy you whatever decision you make Daff

like you say, a rock and a hard place

hugs Lynn xxxx

(((((HUG)))))

Linda x

You said it, Lynn!!!

(((((hugs))))) to Daff!!!

Lindy
xxx

lol Merlin... digging out my tin helmet as we speak!!

Thanks for that Joy..... Yes, as you have guessed, that is one of the things that I am afraid of, even if things turn out ok, that my relationship with them will have changed for the worst.

Thank you for your advice, I know you are absolutely right, but I need to get them to the professionals in the first place... I have done some basic counselling courses (worked with abused youngsters for a few years) so know the principles... and know how hard it is to remain cool, calm and impartial.... I am not intending to tell them how to sort themselves out.... but to get them to go to the right people to help them!!

Thanks again for your views.. they really are helping me to sort out in my head..

Love

Daff xxx

You are such a lovely person Daff :-)))...I don't envy you your task as it is a tricky one whatever you do, but don't let it get in the way of your own personal life. Your own Family must take priority.

Good luck

Sending you positive thoughts and great big hugs ((((HUGS))))

Susan
x