General Chat

Tough love Colin - unless she wants to help herself and it does not sound like it - your sister will not change and she is emotionally blackmailing each and everyone. It is not right and is not fair that we should have our lives made such a misery and hell by those around us who are using us - do not care about us - they want their next fix, drink, bet - they would sell their mother/gran/sister for it.

There comes a time in one's life when you have to say 'enough is enough'. 'You want help - then begin to help yourself - I have had enough' and stick to it. Do not feel guilty - that is what they will play on.

Take care everyone in a similar situation.

Hi Jude :) Sorry I did it again didnt I, you snuck in there when I was typing again sorry :)

Thank You for adding yours today :)

No I definately dont think you are having a go at me, bless You :):) Your Lovely :), you are talking perfect sense.

Colin :):)

Hi Jackie & Thank You.

Sorry to hear that you yourself have been going through this.
You have certainly been through enough of it to know the full extent of what is happening at the moment. That violence escalates pretty fast to and so protection becomes a must. I am so sorry you lost so much because of it. As a parent it is so much harder to let go. I see that pain in my Mums face. Sending you (((((((( Big Hugs ))))))))) today.


Hi Coal Miners Daughter. & Thank You

Your message is one that also hits at my heart. I was brought up with Christian beliefs, to help everyone and to forgive everyone also. Its not in my nature to fully give up. Both my Mum, Dad and my sister mean a lot to me so I have to weigh all the options open to me. I have spoken with Mum today and we fully respect each others decisions in how we handle this. One thing I could never do is leave Mum and Dad to this alone. Sectioning is somthing that has been forced before and something I shall defininately try to get accross to them again. Drugs is an evil to think about and I do understand that it is the drugged state we are dealing with rather then sister herself. Paths to follow are not mine or parents choices to make as they can only lead the way, all I can hope that sister finds that path before it is to late.


Hi Caz : & Thank You

Families, what can we do with them sometimes eh ?. Life experience gained, although sometimes the hard way :) If I can help you in anyway, then Im always here somewhere also. (((((( Big Hugs)))))) back to you

Best Wishes

Colin

Dear Colin, I have just sat and read through the entire thread. There is some very good advice but first of all I want to give you a big hug.......


I hope and pray things will improve, that somehow the right help will reach your sister.But you do need to step back, for yourself and your families sake.

Please PM me if you need to. I have a family situation which is slowly pulling my family apart and know how it feels when Christmas is miserable,


With love,


Caz xxxx

sorry to hear about your sister Colin, I know what you and your family are going through my son is a drug user we put up with it for 20 years in and out of prison stealing money and possesions from family, the last straw was when he started to threaten myself and his two sisters and their families. I had to move away and sell the home that I had lived in for 27 years we lost a lot of money on it but but peace of mind was worth it. I have not seen or spoken to my son for 5 years it was very hard at first and i had a breakdown, now I am very happy and I know my daughters are safe , he is 40 years old and is still taking drugs and I think he is selling them also, your parents will find it very hard to cut their daughter off, but if she realy wants to come off the drugs this might make her re think what she is doing to herself and her family. Unfortunatly this did not work with my son. Best of luck
Love Jackie

Hi Puss, Hi Kay :)

Thank You for your messages

There is so much in both of your messages that I feel myself at this time, You are right the only help available comes from sister helping herself and really wanting to break away from the addiction.

Those lies, decite and blackmail is something I have become very accustomed to.

Giving in to her is definitely not the way to deal with things

Thanks for your pm offer Puss, its most appreciated :)

Colin :):)

hi colin,,

very very lucky in that i havnt faced any of other peoples addictions in my own family,,but when you concede to aid them to feed their addiction you become part of that addiction aswell,,drawing you in into their seedy world of lies &decite,and emotional blackmail.

There comes a time when those the closest has to take a back stand and let go,as nothing you do will compare to a -craving-only if you help feed it,,,,,,,,,,

Hope things get better all round in 2008.........

hi colin, firstly im very sorry your going through this and your parents, belive me if your sister wanted to get off the stuff she would do it alone or with support, i knew someone once who really wanted to stop and she did of her own back, untill she says i am ready and mean it nothing can be done and its time to draw the line, if she wants you all so much she will stop, tell your parents its called tough love and only she can do it, but why should she when she can still con people fpr money, she is a adult and has chose her path in life , so you carry on with yours, if she becomes clean she will understand , i promise love puss xxxx, pm me if you want xx

Hi Teresa :)

There is so much strength to be found in those hugs and very much appreciated Thank You :)

Colin, I don't know what to say to make things better, I wish I did

But for you (((((((((HUGS))))))))) bigtime

Hi Jude :)

Sorry I missed you coming in there whilst I was catching up with the typing :) I hope you are well.

Thanks, You are right as well of course. :)

Hi Liz , Jill, Dee, Kitty, Maggy :)

Liz,

That is so sad. The pain those poor parents must go through every Christmas :(
Thank you for the goodwill wishes for Mum.

Jill
You are absolutely right. I have a lovely caring direct family who are very close amongst ourselves.

Dee.

Sorry to hear that your family have been affected by addiction to, Gambling itself can bring so much loss and heartache and very hard to break the habit.
I fully undertand what you are saying about those phone calls, and the echo that can go round a room full of people when they say, What do they want now.

Wishing you strength also in the times ahead and hopefully a genuine turn around in the time to come also.

Kitty,

Sending you some positve thoughts and prayers today that all continues to go well for you and your family. You have my respect for your strength and commitment to your family.

Maggy

Thank you for your support, I agree, Help has been offered so many time in the past that a time must come when the support for those in the family who need it is the priority, my own included :)

I would also like to thank those who have messaged me on this, It has been good to chat about things and air them a little.

You all have my respect and best wishes for the future, wherever that may lead.

Best Wishes

Colin :):)

Colin - l am so sorry this is happening to you and your family, especially your parents, they have enough to deal with.
You just never know what goes on behind closed doors.
As others on here have said your parents must try not to give in to her, as hard as that would be.
You're all in my thoughts.
Take care.

jude sarf wales xxxx

So sorry to hear about your family problems Colin. Does sound like your sister doesn't want to be helped, so there's nothing really you can do.

Be there for your parents and go with whatever your heart is telling you to do. I'm sure that you will come to the right decision, whatever it may be.

Hope that 2008 will be good to you.

Sorry you have had such a bad time lately Colin.

I agree with tough love.................it stopped my husband drinking years ago... after 3 years of alcoholism.. ....without it he wouldn't be alive today.

Your parents, by giving her money are not actually helping her at all, just making it easier for her to stay an addict.........but I do sympathise with them.

Addiction of one family member has a ripple effect that affects the whole extended family..................only the addict themselves can stop it, sadly many never manage to get clean, but drag their family down with them.

xx

Hi Dee, my lad began to have problems with gambling and got into debt after losing his rent money a few times and gambling back any good sums he won. He got more into gambling instead of just the odd lottery ticket when he started working as a trainee manager in a bookies!! He finally realised he had to do something and has been attendign GA for more than a year now. I am very proud of him for dealing with it in this way, he won't even buy a lottery ticket now and won't do a survey if there is a prize attached, so is really sticking to the rules, thank heavens.
I am so sorry your son hasn't been able to do the same and things have become so difficult for all of you. Well done, for realising it wasn't you who made him gamble and that he has to take responsibility for his own life. Very hard to see our young people struggle and go astray but we do what we can for them when they need us, there comes a time to say No.
My o.h.'s step brother has the same problem and his second wife has left him, after he stole her jewellery and pawned it, and stole or borrowed money off her.
Stay strong and I hope one day you will get your son back safely and without the problems he has now.
Lizxx

Colin I think the time has come for you to consider your own family. I understand it will be hard but you can't live your life like that. When she feels she wants fo give up she will but don't hold your breath as it may not happen. I think it was so brave of you to write about it - but then writiing helps.
Jill xx

Colin, the girl in question was found dead on Christmas morning after she didn't turn up at her Mum's house! She was only in her late twenties and I am not sure if it was accidental or on purpose but needless to say, their memories at Christmas are very sad and every year there is a piece in the memorial column of the local paper.

It is a shame your sister is not embracing the rehab in the way she should and is taking the place of someone who could use it and change their lives. If she choses not to try to break the habit, I feel she should not be helped any more, but obviously your parents find it hard to make that choice when she emotionally blackmails them. I hope this isn't your Mum's last Christmas, and a miracle happens to keep her with you all and for your sister to change her ways.
Lizxx

Hi Ann

I think you hit the nail right on the head with the risk, its always that risk fear that ends up in the giving in, that and the tears and manipulation of it all. Parents seem to see only the very good side on occassions rather then what we see a little more of as sisters, brothers and friends , we can see what is about to happen as we have seen it so many times before in the past.

Although I feel sorry for the situations as a whole and really want for my sister to become clean, inside I have seen it so many times that it hurts me to see the family have to go through all of it over and over to. My sister has reverted back within hours of coming out of rehab on so many occasions now and admits she doesnt want help, its easier to get the fix she needs.

Hi Liz

Sorry to hear about the girl who went through with it, that is also a terrible thing for those poor parents to have to go through. Drug addiction or drink addiction can leave so many mental scars to so many people. I can understand mum and dads love and wishing but its been going on and off for twenty years or more now with this. They will always be parents no matter what. I felt so bad over this on what could possibly be mums last christmas and should have been one of the best and that was destroyed by such a selfish act.