General Chat

I made up a christmas pot to go on my mum and dads grave with a little tree, ivy, some hyacynth, crocus, primroses in. The time has come to put it down the cemetary and i just cant bring myself to go down this time which is a first for me, and have asked my husband to do it for me. But now i feel ashamed of myself that i didnt visit them myself.

Jax xx

Hi Jax :)

Are you ok, you have nothing to feel ashamed about it happens to us all at times. Your parents are with you in spirit and would understand also.

Aww Jax i felt exactly the same on thursday, i bought some flowers for dad, and i just couldnt take them

i knew i would blub all over the place

so i put them in his vase, here at home by his picture


dont feel guilty love, sometimes its just too difficult

hugs sweetie
xxLynnxx

Yeh im ok Colin just having a weepy moment.

Thankyou xx

Don't beat yourself up Jax, Colin is right, your parents are there for you.....if you feel bad, get out a photo of them and put some flowers, or a christmas decoration beside it, and talk to them....I do.....I don't care....

At Christmas I gather all the photos of rellies and put them on top of the cabinet with decorations and a candle....the oldest is gt. grandparents born in 1866.....and it includes departed pets.....I call it my rogues gallery......at dinner we all raise our glasses to absent family and friends, and I feel they are included in the family gathering.....makes me feel better about our losses, anyway......x

You know what Jax - it's perfectly normal - I feel much the same about visiting the crematorium and placing a Christmas Wreath - so........what I now do is I still get the wreath, and I hang it either on the fence opposite the kitchen windown (where I am most of the time - lol) or on the gate as you come into the place. It's in memory of absent friends (parents, friends, all of them) and I remember them that way.....you dont need to visit the cemetery to think about your parents - you never forget them, do you? And they are always with you no matter where you are.

Chin up girl - have you got the lilies yet?

Jac

I,me glad I,m not on my own with this one Jax.
I cant bring myself to go there either! and mines for Mam,Dad and daughter!
Lynn, thats a good idea!
xxxxxx

I would think you are feeling quite normal, whatever normal is!!!, I lost my granddad on Christmas Eve, my dad on Boxing day, and my mum the start of January, I don't think the dark cold weather helps, I always feel a bit low.this time of year....go in the Summer when the days are bright, you will feel better/brighter then I am sure...they are still with you, where ever you are...so don't feel bad. if you stay put. take care....Lilly

Aww jax
i know how you feel hun.
i dont like going to my dads grave i have to force myself to go and this time of the year is the hardest.
Dont worry hunny (((hugs))))
Rosex

Jax, I don't often go to my Zoe's grave now, but it doesn't mean we think any less of our loved ones. I will go there when I go to the Cemetery on Saturday next to look at the Book of Remembrance as my parent's names will be shown. It is the 62nd anniversary of their wedding so Mum had Dad's put in then and a space left for her name later. She has been gone nearly 13 years now, and to my shame, there is still nothing written there. My brothers never bothered and never go to the cemetery and have left it to me to deal with, and I find it so hard knowing what to put.
Every year I tell myself I must do it but there is no one else to help me with the wording, so will have to bite the bullet and do it alone.
When I do take flowers to my baby's grave, I always keep a couple at home too, as a kind of link.
As long as our people are in our hearts, it doesn't really matter where the flowers etc are, and they know we are thinking of them.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe you can go another day and tidy the pot up.
Lizxx

Thankyou all

It might sound daft but its finally sunk into me that they are all around me which makes me happy and but when i go down there it makes me feel so sad to think of them as in a plot of earth so i dont want to see it now.

((((((((((hugs to you all))))))))))))

no my hubby has gone to get the lilies now :o)

It is hard to lose loved ones at any time but this time of the year and on other occassions we often feel the hurt and pain of losing loved ones more then at any other times. My own thoughts are that they are closer to us at this time then any other time to. So many memories flood into our minds and this can often give us an opportunity to remember many happy memories that we shared. Rememember these with an affection and warmth, most of all try to think of how our loved ones were when they wanted us to be happy, no one of them would like to see us sad or unhappy.

Next Chrimbo Jax make up the pot as normal, and site it by your front door, or within sight of window so you can look at it and remember your parents, without visiting a cemetery.

Take care and have a good holiday!

Jac

Colin yes it is times like this it is harder for all of us.

this is a usual for me im afraid, just before any big event i have a little cry then when the big day comes i can think of the happy times. Dont know why it happens that way but it does. But i do think of them daily and talk to the kids about them about happy memories.

Jac thats a good idea thankyou i will xx

JAX
YOU GOT ME CRYING
BEEN SO MANY YEARS 35,& 31
STILL CANT GO UNLESS ON MY TERMS
A GOOD SUNNY DAY
AN ITS NOT
SO I JUST CANT


AN YOU KNOW
I MISS THEM TODAY SO MUCH

Big (((((((((((((((((( Hugss )))))))))))))))))))) All round

Jax

Your not alone........I have been and fetched flowers and a wreath for my Mum and my grandparents today, due to go tomorrow but the thought of going is making me very sad and tearful.........I don't want to go but feel that I have to.

I dread Christmas and can't wait for Xmas day to be over with as I miss Mum so bloody much that it hurts.

My thoughts are with everyone who feels the same
xxx

Thankyou all, seems there are a few of us all feeling the same. At least we have each other for support xx

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) to all of you.

Love

Jax xx

Very, very normal, Jax.

Hi Jax

I know how you feel. I've just come back from the cemeteries a few minutes ago. My Mam and Gran are in one village, and my Mother and Father In Law are in a nearby village. We laid 2 holly wreaths on each grave. Somehow its far more emotional at this time of year than it is to put flowers on the graves during summer. It is nice though that they can still have a 'Christmas Present' from us.

Dianne xx