General Chat

Hi Bec, know just how you feel as I always seem to be the one to take on everyone else's probs. I think it will be very hard for you to say anything but how about writing each person the same (-ish) letter. However you try to say anything it is sure to be either taken the wrong way, or deflected with a but, or something, whereas by writing the letter, you have time to read, re read and rewrite it, they can all compare if they want and will find you are not saying no to just one person but to all of them, and they can re read it and then talk to you about it, hopefully with no bad feeling. You are far too young to have all this responsibility on your shoulders and getting through life is a struggle at any age without having to cope with everyone else's problems as well. I wish you luck and hope you find a lovely fella soon who will be there for you. Best wishes, Liz

Yvette, Wendy and Dave Thanks, for someone like me who feels very alone it really does help having such great friends. You lot are amazing!!! Loads of love becx

Hi Becx Sorry to hear that its all getting too much, families are so good at doing things like this!! I can't give you any wise words, i have been in the same position and at nearly twice your age i am only now learning to deal with it all, there is no easy solution, although standing in the corner screaming does have a curious appeal at times, lol. I just hope things ease up for you soon, but if you need to chat you have my number, call or text me anytime. In the meantime keep smiling and counting the days to the London meet...:-)) Yvette

Bec dont let it get to you if you need a shoulder message me anytime, Wendy.xx Joan will message you tommorrow, Wendy.xx

Bec you have us anytime you want to talk just say! Davex

Lucy, Wendy and everyone else THANK YOU so much, you all mean a lot to me and I will take on board everything you have said. Something needs to change soon! love becx

Bec, Listen to Wendy & Dave (wise words believe me) you should be having fun, enjoying yourself, & they need to get a grip. Try not to be at they constant beck (excuse pun!) & call. Gradually they'll understand you aren't their doormat. When they're really old & frail, then that's the time you need be there for them, not yet. Nows the time for YOU! I find it amazing how many of us on these boards seem to be or have experienced stuff like this. Must be that we are all kind, sensitive people (that's what I like to think!)Lol! Wendy you can mail me direct should you wish to compare notes as i'm still in the 'raw' stage of grief & would welcome a chat if you want. Thanks. All the best Bec. Joan x

Bec you have us, i will adopt you always wanted a daughter.

Well... er... us - but its not the same is it? Be assertive - you can do it. Politely but firmly in a kind way. Lucy x

Thanks Wendy and Dave I will need to say something soon, I literally feel oversaturated with their rubbish... The ironic thing is.... my dad has my step-mum, my mum has my step-dad, my sister has her boyfriend, my brother has my dad... and who do I have???

But sweetheart - its NOT your responsibility. I know thats how it feels and if it makes you feel any better then tell them that they re making you feel that its your responsibility. They may be unaware of the effect all this is having on you and it may shock them into getting a grip(so to speak!!) Lucy x

Bec, It is their duty to look after you not the other way round. I have 3 sons all older than you and I would not dream of burdening them with my problems Wendy.xx

Bec its awful when somebody wants to unburden all their problems on you and when you want to recipricate your feelings they are not as willing to listen.You are very young but seem like a bright and very nice pleasant person.I know what it is like for people to tell me all there woes but sometimes you get to the point that you want to tell them I have had enough.Of course knowing that you are a nice person you wont because you obviously love your family very much,But in a nice way you will have to tell them that you want to get on with the problems that life has set for you personally. Davexx

Thanks Joan and Lucy I know what needs to be said and done... just hate relinquishing my responsibility... feel like it's my duty...

Joan, snap we lost mum november and all they have done is moan, Wendy.

Look at it from a different angle..... Imagine that you have one arm outstretched straight in front of you and in your hand you have a glass which is half full of water. That water represents all the stresses that you have going on in your life - yours and what everyone else has burdened you with. Now, that half glass of water isn't very heavy at all is it? You sip a bit, then top it up occasionally, but when you've been holding it for say, an hour, your arm starts to ache...(bear with me here), after 4 hours your arm is killing you - but you hang onto it - because you feel you ought to. When you've held it like that for a long long time and its being topped up you get to the stage where you cannot hold it anymore and the whole thing smashes to the ground. So where does that leave you? Ill and exhausted and feeling guilty because you couldn't cope. And thats how stress works - this may be long winded but believe me its a very good model - please for your own sake tell them that they must use their friends or professional help as you cannot cope with it. Good luck and thanks for bearing with me. Lucy x

Bec You're too young to have to shoulder their probs. They shouldn't do that to you, they're being very selfish & not grown up at all. Try to keep a bit more emotional distance if you can, the last thing you want is to be seen to be taking sides cos then that will make life very hard for you. Wendy, I think it sounds like your family are identical to mine! All mine care about is themselves, even though we have just lost our Mum it's still 'me ,me, me' as far as they're concerned. I'm sick of their self-pity when they couldn't even be bothered with Mum even when she was dying. They will have to live with that, when my conscience is clear. Good luck Bec, put your foot down!! Joan x

Sheila - the tan is good considering I'm only here 4 days and have been in a car for most of it! As for this mess... there is nothing I'd rather do right now then just disappear... no mobile or email... just not be there... so they can sort their own problems out and I can focus on me... unfortunately that's not possible...

Bec, what can i add - think everyones said it. Its time they realised that you have your own life and problems and that youre not their agony aunt -btw are you getting a nice tan?

You just have to take the bull by the horns and tell them how you feel.