General Chat

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BJ is just eleven, and despite having been weaned on lovingly pureed home cooked vegetables and casseroles, has developed into a nightmare eater. She will only consider chocolate spread on white toast for breakfast, and then only eats half a slice. She will not tpuch milk with a bargepole, unless it has Crusha syrup in it which I think is too sugary and full of E numbers. She reacts badly behaviour-wise to E numbers, so for several years now I have cooked proper meals fir the family and avoided ready meals and the like. For her packed lunch she says she will eat peanut butter sandwiches only, but they usually come home uneaten. I have tried all manner of alternatives, but they all come back home. I refuse to buy her suggestion of Dairylea lunchables for health reasons. After school, she raids my cupboards when I am not looking and eats packet after packet of crisps - some days I find 8 empty packets shoved behind her TV. Last year I stopped buying crisps completely, but she sneaked out after school and cycled to the shops (which she is NOT allowed to do) and bought crisps out of her pocket money. When I found out she was grounded for 2 weeks, but I daren't risk her doing it again. Then, of course, she won't eat her evening meal. I have tried ignoring the issue, persuasion, bribery, shouting, threatening, discussions about healthy eating and development - she always cries and says sorry, but does not change. I do not want to give in to her and let her eat a diet full of rubbish, but I don't want to make a big issue out of it either because of the thought of anorexia looming in her teenage years. I am at a loss as to what to do with her. Any ideas welcome - please? Liz x

Sounds tricky and I don't really have any useful advice. If it were me (and I am not suggesting you do this) I would stop her pocket money and stop buying crisps. Julie xxx

Oh dear,I put a thread up last night.Took my 16 yr old daughter to doctors yesterday and she is borderline anorexia.Wished she would eat something.Annie

Hello, I know it's not much help, but we went through the same thing with my brother around the age of 10/11 because he felt fat. He wouldn't take lunch to school except a pack of go ahead biscuits. We had to end up getting him the slimfast shakes for breakfast and he would eat dinner but not a lot of it. He's now nearly 14 about 5ft9 or more skinny like a rake and eats like a pig. We tried to get him to eat but he'd only eat when and what he wanted. He's out grown it and he's no worse for it. But if your that worried about your daughter maybe you should get some medical advice. Sx

Oh Liz I do sympathise with you. I have a 9 year old who loves her food and I have to make sure she eats in moderation, don't get me wrong she's not into junk food, she loves the home cooking too much.so she's really good. My 2 year old son on the other hand is the total opposite. He loves fruit and yoghurt. He will only eat chicken nuggets, chips, garlick break. The odd sausage roll and saugage. This is the sum total of his menu. I have tried to get him to eat home cooking and he won't have any of it. I'm worried he will go worse. no vege, not even spag hoops, potates it's a nightmare. You give him a sandwich and you would think he was being poisoned. It's so frustrating. Maybe we need supernanny.

Hi Julie, Have tried that - she begs and borrows from her schoolmates. Hi Grannie, I am so sorry about your grand-daughter. Anorexia is an absolute demon. BJ is such a beautiful, intelligent, vivacious girl, who is a delight in every other way, but she is breaking my heart over this. Liz x

the forbidden fuit is always the sweetest though! unless she is grossly over weight - which sounds unlikely - can you not compromise - (dont inc packed lunch because she'll dispose of it rather than fail). if she eats her breakfast, and her dinner at night ( being reasonable on your part offering food she does like ) cant she have a well earned bag of crisps with your blessing for supper? Sound as though you have locked horns and need to unlock before you move on jess

How about dairylea triangles and mini bread sticks put into a little plastic bag or foil ? Or triangles, plain crackers, slices of ham all individually wrapped ? Or dairylea spread on bread to make a sandwich ? May be an alternative to lunchables. As for the milk issue, try yogurts or cheese, or ask at the local health food shop if they have a crusha alternative (or at your local supermarket's free from ranges) Get her involved with making dinner, and if she makes good effort with her dinners all week, you will give her a couple of pound extra pocket money. As for breakfast, if she likes peanut butter sarnies, then try peanut butter on toast, this is wonderful...really tasty. Elaine x

hi there liz? young girls can be a worry in nowa days, my sister was like that when she was younger but it was jam sandwiches with her and i remember my mam going mad with her all the time to no avail. In the end my parents came to agree ment that no snack food was to be kept in the house.she was put on school meals and the school informed of her eating habits,my parents then did dayly trips to the shop to get thing for our evening meal which was always healthy,it was a strain on my parents cas they both worked,my self and my brotheres were set to my grans house for breakfast and lunch so that my parents could consentrate on my sister.my parents would say if its not in the house she cant eat it and for about amonth there was nothin in the kitchen wots so ever. it is a worry for us parents,i think if u persevera with your daughter dont put to much presure on her as this could make things worse,i think things will come right for you. good luck sam x

Hi Evangeline (I love the name too), I am hoping she will grow out of it, but she starts big school soon, where there are crisp and chocolate machines everywhere, so I feel like I am running out of time. Hi Catherine, The thing is, she ate everything we gave her (healthy food) until she started school and went to friends' houses who had chicken nuggets for tea, followed by choccie biscuits. Since then, that type of food is all she wants, and its been seven years of battle and its getting me down. We've tried the Supernanny tricks, but after seven years of giving her a balanced home-cooked meal night after night, and then chucking it in the bin night after night, I'm wondering where I've gone wrong. Liz

Liz, its my daughter.Very concerned for her now.5ft and 7in and weighs 7 stone.No periods for 4 mths.She likes food but is very very fussy.What she eats today she will not eat tomorrow.One big nightmare for me.My grandaughter is coming up for 12 and was born 10lb 4 oz always been a very large girl ate everything in sight.Now there is nothing of her she decided what her body nows wants and she is lovely.My 14yr grandson is a very bad diabetic on 4 injections a day always in a coma as he asks his friends to buy him sweets at school.There is no easy way for mums with kids,They are always going to be a worry.Annie

I would let her eat whatshe wants rather than risk anorexia, she will soon realise home cooked healthy food is better, let her eat whatever ubbish she wants, and don't comment on it at all, she will hopefully realise quite soon that our home cooking does taste better, and if she wants to eat rubbish make her cook it herself xxhugxx it is a form of rebellon

Hi Liz I was the same with milk.. I'd only drink milk if it was loaded with strawberry nesquick (more suger than crusher). We realised when I was 14 that dairy made me ill so mum payed to have me desensitised, but it only worked for about 5 years and then the old symptoms returned. I now only drink goats milk as it doesn't make me ill and I don't need the milkshake stuff in it. If BJ wants Dairylea lunchables for lunch, have you considered a comprimise and giving her cheese and crackers? you can then regulate what she's having a bit better. You could also try getting her to make her own sandwiches. If you buy uncut bread you can cut it for her and then let her make the sandwich the way she wants it, she may decide that if she's making them that she'll eat it. Crisps can be tricky, it is possable to buy crisps that are baked so they have less fat or I have seen fruit crisps on sale now too. Is it possable to make a deal with BJ? if she eats the evening meal, she can have a packet of crisps occationally if she is still hungrey. If it is possable get her involved in cooking for the family. Both my brother and me started cooking in primary school, and we became less fussy afterwards. Good luck with BJ.

thanks guys, lots more replies, Just briefly (got to take son to orthodontist, will spend more time later) Dairylea spread makes her vomit, she removes the cheese from the lunchables and eats the rest. Have tried letting her cook with me, she loves it but still refuses to eat the end result. I allow her one packet of crisps a day if she eats her packed lunch, but she tries to hide her lunch after school, and then pinches the crisps anyway. I have discussed healthy eating and nutrition with her regularly since she was a little-un. Sjhe knows the facts, but chooses to disregard. She will only eat smooth yogurts with no bits, and then only if she *feels* in a yogurt mood. Like every other year lol And she won't eat cheese. Or potatoes, or eggs. She does like apples though, as long as they are perfect, but she can't live on apples can she? Aaarrggghhhh Liz

or of course you could always do the complete reverse phsycology bit (hard thought it is).. let her do exactly as she pleases, eat what she wants.She'll soon get bored.her thriving is more important than anything else. If the additives/colouring affect her behavior, then you must then monitor it, and talk with her and make compromises. let her take ritz crackers ham and an apple to school - sounds fine to me

I tend to agree with Lindy. It is turning into a battle and unfortunately there are no winners. Let her choose what she wants for her meal. cook it for her, but cook normally for yourself/rest of family. If she just want crips let her eat them. i think she wll then grow out of it. If you make it into a battle she will become either anorexic or bulemic. You could point out the fact that 'you are what you eat' and rubbish food will probably give her bad skin etc. As a last resort maybe she need to talk to a school psychiatrist to find out why she doesn't like herself enough to put good food into her stomach. Ann Glos

I don't envy you at all..... and as a child who was FUSSY with food I can understand the problem. I wouldn't eat anything other than diet foods as i thought I was fat...... but crisps were my weakness!! I agree with Lindy, let her eat what she wants without comment but when she eats a healthy meal really go overboard on how well she did and she'll realise that its not getting her attention when she eats rubbish!! I still eat like a bird (1 meal a day) but I'm by no means skinny..... I weigh 10 1/2 stone so its done me no harm!! Good luck with it and just keep an eye on her body weight and only react if its bad!! xx

I agree with Jess. Forbidden fruit and all that. My son had a Jewish friend who gobbled bacon sandwiches every time he came round - me like a fool didn't realise his religious persuasion and served them up without any thought at all. I agree too that having a stand off is never going to resolve without compromise. Suggest brown bread or those 2 in 1 breads with her chocolate spread. Making her own milk shakes with pulped fruit and honey might be an alternative she might accept - if not don't worry about it. At least she's getting milk down her. Just casually point out that sugar in the Crusha syrup is not that good for waistline or teeth and let her choose. Let her have her choice for lunch including crisps on the understanding that she at least have a small portion of whatever you have cooked for dinner. At 11, with hormones raging, this is as much about growing up and making her mark as an individual (in her eyes) as anything else. Make it into a battle and you will start the war. I know it's important to make sure your children eat healthily but I think I would be tempted to relax the rules at this age and give her some say. Not to let her have her own way but to give her some freedom to choose. She will be eating that's the main thing. Of course she's going to create merry hell, she's in a corner and doesn't know how to get out of it. Mags xx .

Can i just say having been a foster carer for 15 years teenagers only, not eating is not always about thinking you are fat it is about the only thing you can be in control of. I would say try not to worry to much, as at least she is eating something even if it is rubbish food. try and take a step back and see where it go's for the next month or so. Tactfully talk to her about things that are going on in her life, she maybe moving schools this year, or she may have just gone on to secondary school, she may have a crush on a boy no end of things could be going on that you may not think could affect her, as they seem so un-affecting to us as adults. Try and point out how it will affect her Hair, skin and teeth saying how beautiful they are now and would like them to stay that way. Eating to much or to less comes from low self asthma and most 10 to 16 year old suffer from this at some point to different degrees. Hopefully it will right its self but if after a month or so she has a dramatic white loss or seems depressed then you will have to take matter in to your own hands and seek profession help. Remember you are the adult she is the child, she may not like it but you have a duty of care for her and in the long run she will realise that every thing you do and say is because you love her and keep telling her that every day as many times as you can. Diane. x