General Chat

ive just had a phone call from my mum. she was so upset.the dr has told her that they think she would be better off in a nursing home so she can have 24hr care!! i told her to get that idea out of her head.no way will we,as a family,allow it. mum is going to come home to us!! she is incontinent at night and wets the bed 3/4 times but throughout the day she is fine.they are worried that we wont cope. we have decided that we will pay for a night sitter if needs be,because come hell or high water mum is coming home where she belongs! i have just foned my brother and he has said the same as hubby and me.i broke down in tears when i put the fone down. i am going to demand mum has a catheter fitted!!.surely thats a small price to pay? susie xxxx

Oh Susie I do feel for you I would do the same as you as I saw my parents do it for theirs and I'm a big believer that family comes first You will need lots of support, but you can do it! I care for my Dad - he has recovered well from his stroke as I told you before ( Lost Mum in June who used to care for him) he also had a bag fitted due to bowel cancer last September that I have to change for him as he can't cope due to his right side weekness. I just cope and I work full time, 2 kids and a hubby and no siblings or no other family to help but it is the love that drives you and motivates you and that love will also help your Mum to get stronger and fitter. Much love to you Joanne

Aww Susie, big hugs sweetheart. Your mum is a real fighter and you are a very close and loving family, so she will make GREAT progress at home with you all. Do they know that you are a carer and you do know what you're talking about?! Love and hugs mandy xxx

Thinking of you,Terry and family. xx

Very best wishes to you all. What a dilemna. Well done. hope things work out for the best. Happy days

hello joanne thankyou so much. i am a proffessional carer and work for social services,so it will come naturally lol. i visit people who are worse than my mum so no way is she going into a nursing home. i do hope your dad is ok. love susie

They surely don't have the right to upset her like that especially when they haven't discussed it with her family.These doctors are a law unto themselves.Good for you stick to your guns your Mum is lucky to have a caring loving family.But it won't take away the upset that doctor has caused her tonight.Roll on tomorrow when you can speak to her and ease her mind again. Denise. (sending love to your mum)

Good luck to you. It won't be easy, we know through experience. My mum tried to have her adoptive mother live with her for a while (she was about 87) at the time, she had alzeimers and also breast cancer, she was a wonderful stubborn Irish lady who wanted her indepedance though and resented staying with my mum. I think it was the alzeimers that made it difficult. Mum wished that she could have had Nana live with her for longer but it did not work out in the end, Nana even walked out and had to get brought back by the police, she was so confused. In the end my Mum had to find a lovely private care home and eventually a nursing home for her. Mum was racked with guilt that she'd had to do it but in the end, we all know that Mum tried her best to give Nana comfortable surroundings in the family home but that she was better off in the care home, where Nana seemed to settle better. So do try to cope but don't be too hard on yourself if you feel it is not working. I don't know what your mother's circumstances are or what she feels about the move. Your Mum will know deep down in her heart that what ever decision you've made that you've done it with her best interests in mind and that you love her dearly, it clearly shows with your posting. Make sure you get all the support you need from the health authority and local council. There is a charity in our area called 'Crossroads' that provides respite care for carers for an hour or so a week so that the carer can take a break and pop out to the shops or have some time to themselves. You may find other options like this in your area. Speak to your nurse for your doctor's surgery and see what help she can get you. All the best Claire ....Just seen your second post and that you are a professional carer so you'll know all the right people to talk to! Good luck!

mandy yes they do know cos i made it quite clear to them.lol i told them last week at the meeting we had that i was trained in using a hoist,catheter care etc so they know who they are dealing with. love susie xx thankyou all for your messages and thoughts .i really appreciate it. love you all susie xxx

Susie, I'm sure you are doing the right thin gin bringing her home, you have a lot more experience than most and that counts for a lot. Apart from that, she will be happier at home, you can work out a rota that someone is on hand most of the time. as for the other, what are washing machine for ,lol Big hugs for your mum and dad, June xx

hi clare mum has had a major stroke.she has lost the use of her left side. her speech has returned ,although its slow. her mind is perfect which is good.she can remember everything lol. i just dont feel that she belongs in a nursing home. the social services have agreed to send carers in 4 times a day.its the night times that the drs are worried abt. but thats a minor problem which can be easily solved between us as a family. love susie xx

Susie, I cannot speak for others...but where I come from we take care of our own... So glad to hear that you are prepared to take care of your Mom... Big (((hugs))) to you and yours. Lindy ;-))))))))))

Susie go for it and don't let them tell you anything else If we had listened to the Doctor in the hospital Dad wouldn't be walking or talking never mind going fishing and now 7 years later he is learning to write his name with his week hand again. ( well he would be if he hadn't fallen last week and broke it - lol) Time is a healer and with the care of you and your family and the love your Mum will bloom Joanne

Susie a big hug from me to you all. Sounds like you know what you are doing and you have a great family for support. I really admire you and If I was in your position I would do exactly the same xxxx

Susie,Good for you.I work with the frail and elderly.I love the work i do and get very upset when anything happens to them.I have elderly parents and when the time comes they cant cope i am one of five and we have all said no nursing home they are with us.We dont care what the work entails they are our parents that looked after us and we will repay them.We already put money into a bank account every month for anything they need.We cant replace our parents annie

Hi Suzie, I know it must be difficult for your mum to be told something like that and then for you to hear her upset. First thing is to reassure your mum, let her know she is loved and you are all there for her. Next, you, your brother and your mum should meet with the Doctors and the Occupational Therapist to discuss what will happen and what ultimately is best for your mum. I do hope you all get what you want, what is practical and what is best. Jacky x

You are doing the right thing, Susie, Mary's mum was in a similar situation, except that she had MS. The family cared for her and she had a reasonably happy twenty years, living till she was nearly 90. Even I could work the hoist and get her in and out of bed. She loved the phone, though, and knocked up a hefty bill every quarter but we shared the cost between us. love len

jackie we had a family(dad,sister,2 brothers,me and our spouses) meeting with the dr last week. the occupational therapist visited us at dads on tuesday and assessed the house.she could see no problem at all with mum coming home as regards to access and room. tomorrow at 2 we have a meeting with the social worker . so we will air our views .lol love susie xx

thankyou len. mum also likes the phone at the moment lol. we buy her cards for patient line so she can at least watch telly and use the phone lol. she foned dad at 6.15 the other morning just to make sure that he had paid the water rates lol. susie

I am surprised that the Doctor spoke to your mum on her own about this. Was your meeting with the same Doctor who spoke to her? Good luck with the Social Worker. Jacky x