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Too much?
| Profile | Posted by | Options | Post Date |
|---|---|---|---|
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:15 |
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'The tower framework, disabled by pressure, buckled, causing the tall imposing structure to fall through an array of luxuriously decorated rooms amid a radiant shower of sparks. Bystanders could do nothing but look on in pure amazement as the glowing beacon that had once stood so fantastically before them plunged into a mortar-clad abyss.' |
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Granny | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:15 |
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Where was this? |
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.•:*:•. Devishly Angelic Juliecat & Panda..•:*:•. | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:16 |
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What have you done???? |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:16 |
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In the depths of my mind |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:17 |
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I am describing the Birkenhead Town Hall in 1901, is it too fancy a description? |
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PinkDiana | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:17 |
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I'd change the word 'bountifully' as for me it doesn't work!! xx |
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Computer Blonde | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:19 |
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From someone who doesn't know what she's on about really, doesn't ' imposing' imply ' tall ', maybe don't need both? |
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.•:*:•. Devishly Angelic Juliecat & Panda..•:*:•. | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:20 |
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Diana's right, it doesn't sound right. Try beautifully instead. |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:21 |
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Nah, not beautifully - that's just common. How about, luxuriously? |
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.•:*:•. Devishly Angelic Juliecat & Panda..•:*:•. | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:22 |
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Perfect :-) |
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PinkDiana | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:22 |
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That's the word Dan!! xx |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:23 |
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Sharon I've got to get thirty-five thousand words! Don't be hair-splittingly pedantic :-) |
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Mags | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:23 |
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Wouldn't the tower's framework simply have buckled under the pressure' ? or 'Buckled under the weight'?? It seems very flowery for something that was probably viewed with horror. Only my opinion. Mags xx |
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Computer Blonde | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:24 |
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Sorry Daniel - I did tell you that I don't know what I'm on about!! Shutting up now... |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:24 |
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Definitley pressure. It was designed to take the weight, but not the internal flames of the fires of Hell, or chandelier electrical faults :-) |
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Mags | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:26 |
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That's the problem, we have no idea of context and how or why this disaster happened. Mags xx |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:26 |
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It's good you brought my attention to it Sharon, but is this instance, I'm ok with leaving it. If I ever post anything on here in the future, be sure to tell me what you notice. I might agree. |
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Daniel | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:27 |
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Excuses excuses Mags :-) |
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Guinevere | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:39 |
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It is a bit too much, I think, Dan Gwynne |
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Researching: |
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Sandra B | Report | 16 Jun 2006 16:41 |
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Comma somewhere,? When read aloud,a bit long ??/ |
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