General Chat

See below.

Daughter number two is off to Disneyland Florida for two weeks again on the 1st September. Youngest Daughter Grace went with them two years ago, (some of you may remember my worries when they were caught up in the hurricane) Grace was asked if she would like to go with them again, when the holiday was booked 12 months ago, but we said no, and she accepted it and nothing more has been said about it. Lo and behold we get a phone call last night asking again if Grace can go. It will cost us £800, then there would be spending money. Grace will be 17yrs old in August,is a lovely girl, who never brings us any trouble or worries, she has just finished her 1st year at college and has had glowing reports, that she will make a brilliant Midwife eventually. But I have very mixed feelings. Grace being the youngest, seems to get everything she asks for. To me she is spoilt rotton, compared to my three older children, who never had much at all. Ok, my circumstances are different now. I am no longer a young widow struggling to bring up my children on my own. I just feel so guilty that if we say 'yes' she can go, that my eldest Daughter and my Son who cannot afford to have a nice holiday will feel resentful. Could this all stem from the fact that I felt so jealous of my youngest Sister having everything that me and my other 6 siblings never had. Your views very much appreciated. A very mixed up Jenny at the moment. xx

You said no the first time and that's how it should stay, I think. Gwynne

I don't know what your financial circumstances are like but if you can afford to send Grace, would you have a little over to maybe help send your other daughter and son for a long weekend or something. It is difficult and to a certain extent I can understand your feelings as my 2 are like 2 only children being 17 years apart. My daughter gets far more than my son ever did but our circumstances have changed in that time. Also she is better behaved so doesn't have any treats cancelled as he used to! My daughter is also 17 and wants to go on a camping trip and I have said yes and I will pay. Her brother is getting married this month and they can't afford to go away. Part of me feels I ought to help them get away but they are grown up should do something to help themselves especially as we are paying for the wedding! I hope you sort it out so all are happy! Jacky :-)

She was asked 12 months ago - she could have earned £1,000 in a year working at a part time job and paid for herself if she'd really wanted to go, couldn't she? So it's still no as far as I can see lol Gwynne

Gosh, was that really 2 years ago, I remember the worry you went through. I think you should stick to the answer that you gave last year and say No. I think saying No is making you feel guilty, and the easy way out is to say Yes. Rosi

If we could afford it I would say yes, they are only young once, treat the other two later in the year. xxhugxx

i would say no too you made a decission 12 months ago and your daughter was ok with it no should mean no especially with such a large amount of money being involved and at such a later date xxLynnxx

No, cos its not fair on the others............... Barbara..xx

To me, doesn't matter if thet are 7 or 17, no means no! Otherwise, next time you say no to something, you might get constant nagging because she thinks you will give in & change your mind! Denise

Jenny If you can treat them all the same or if Grace can pay you back then yes,but it's a hard one,I have a problem saying no and yes your only young once,maybe the other's don't mind!!! Softie Ann

If she goes for the first 2 weeks of September, will that mean she will miss the start of her second year at college? I would think that her college education should take priority, particularly at the beginning of a new year. I agree with what has been said. Stick to your guns. Liz :-)

i agree with the others.if you said no once you must stick to your guns I am in a similar situation to you, i had 2 children that i brought up single handed (coz the father didnt want to know) then when they were 10 and 12 i met my husband and we had another child (now 13) because we both work full time we can afford to get things for the youngest that i couldnt afford when my eldest 2 were his age They have never complained about this (only in jest a few times) as they are adults now and understand how hard it was for me to bring them up by myself and they always say that i did my best for them they spoil my youngest just as much as i do but he knows that when i say 'no' i mean just that like someone said in an earlier post if your daughter wanted to go that badly she could have got a part time job and paid for it herself if its not about the money then you must have another and equally valid reason for her not to go and she should understand and respest that you sound like a very loving and caring mother good luck sue c x

Hi Jenny I agree with all the no's. My hubby has 3 brothers, all 2 years apart in age and a little sister - 6 years younger than the youngest brother. Whereas the boys had very very little as they grew up because ma-in-law didn't have the money, things were different for little sister. Family circumstances were better and with her being so much younger and the only girl, she had everything money could buy - school trips, riding lessons, ballet lessons ......... To this day, even though they are all now in their 40's and 50's, the boys still cannot resist making jibes about their sister's childhood 'acquisitions!' Bev x

And its a NO from me too,,stick to your guns,,

Sorry, just been on phone for half hour. Thank you for your replies. The main reason we said no a year ago, was because we had a lot of work to do on our house, so did not think we could afford to let her go again. This is not a problem now, we can easily afford for her to go. Grace has never ever mentioned the holiday at all, after we had said no, she accepted our decision without any moaning. I think it is because she is actually down in the Midlands with her Sisters at the moment that the subject has come up again Daughter Number 2, would dearly love Grace to go with them. So rang and asked if there was any way she could go. Grace is totally unaware of all this at the moment. Her second year at College doesnt start until 17th September, so thats not a problem. Perhaps it's me that has the problem. Are we spoiling her, by letting her go? Jenny x

Sounds like you've made up your mind, Jenny. It's up to you but you did ask - yes, I do think you are spoiing her by letting her go. Gwynne x

Jenny, I think only you can decide really. Changing your mind because of change of circumstance would not be going back on your word. When you said no before you meant it and she accepted it. She has been working hard for her exams and you have said she has done well so she probably has not had time to earn the money to pay for it. As it is her older sister who has asked if she can go it doesn't seem that it would be a problem for her siblings. If you could afford it and would really like to treat her it could be a reward for hard work (then you would not be seen to be going back on the no). have you actually asked her siblings what they feel about it. She may not get the chance to go again for years. But practically speaking, how would it be possible for her to go if they have flights etc already booked. Anyway as I said, only you and the family can really decide this one. Ann Glos

Unknown to me, Daughter number two rang the Travel Company or whoever yesturday. Booking was originally for two adults and two children, although Adam will not be 1year until 21st August, she had paid for a seat on the plane for him as a child, not an infant. She asked about Grace going and they said she would have his seat, at extra cost, but he will have to travel on Mums lap. Final decision has been taken from me. Hubby has just rung me to say he has transferred money into Daughters account.. Flight etc. is being arranged as I speak. Looks like Grace is going after all, without further consultation with me. Spoilt or just lucky girl? Jenny in a bit of a huff. X

Well I was going to say let her go but encourage her to pay you back, especially if her sister really wants her there and there is this chance. However, I think your husband has done the dirty on you all by transferring the money thereby making the decision without your final thoughts being heard. I think you should make it a condition that your daughter does pay it back, as and when she can and/or by forgoing big birthday and Christmas gifts till it is paid for. And she can help with anyone in the family who needs a hand, to repay the favour. She could help Lloyd and Toni at home a bit, with little Chloe and doing things in their home for them, etc Just so she can feel she has earned the trip and the others might not feel any resentment. Hope she has a good time anyway - that they all do in facr - and it will be nice for her sister to have her there. Liz