General Chat

As many of us know, Jennifer is considering a memorial service/thanksgiving for Stephen's life, tragically cut short. She would be happy for us to offer suggestions for possible readings or poems, which could be included in the service. So can we add our ideas to this thread, please? Thanks, Jay

My Remember Me verse is nice, will nudge it up. Liz

I think the one of purples is really good xx

This was first written following the death of a girlfriend. It also appears in the form of a poem, but this version can be used as a reading. REMEMBER ME Do not shed tears when I have gone but smile instead because I have lived. Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I'll come back but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind. I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me but still I want you to be full of the love we shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened between us yesterday. You can remember me and grieve that I have gone or you can cherish my memory and let it live on. You can cry and lose yourself, become distraught and turn your back on the world or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears, learn to love again and go on. David Harkins 1981

Written by Bishop Brent.... 'A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says She is gone. Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her. Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her. And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout - There she comes! That is what dying is. An horizon and just the limit of our sight. Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further. '

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918 Canon of St Paul’s Cathedral Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep I am a 1,000 winds that blow I am the diamond glints on snow I am the sun on ripened grain I am the gentle autumn rain When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled light I am the soft star that shines at night Do not stand at my grave and cry I am not there; I did not die. Anonymous 'Say not in grief 'he is no more' but live in thankfulness that he was' Hebrew proverb Life Goes On If I should go before the rest of you Break not a flower Nor inscribe a stone Nor when I am gone Speak in a Sunday voice But be the usual selves That I have known Weep if you must Parting is hell But life goes on So .... sing as well Joyce Grenfell 1910-1979 Indian Prayer When I am dead Cry for me a little Think of me sometimes But not too much. Think of me now and again As I was in life At some moments it's pleasant to recall But not for long. Leave me in peace And I shall leave you in peace And while you live Let your thoughts be with the living. Traditional He is Gone You can shed tears that he is gone, Or you can smile because he lived, You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back, Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see him Or you can be full of the love that you shared, You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him and only that he is gone Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on, You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back, Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on. Anonymous Remember Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land: When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay. Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of our future that you planned: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad. Christina Rossetti 1830-1894 Miss Me - But Let Me Go Now that I've come to the end of the road And the sun has set for me I want no rites in a gloom filled room Why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little - but not too long And not with your head bowed low Remember the love that we once shared Miss me but let me go For this is a journey that we must all take And each must go alone It's all part of the Master's plan A step on the road to home Miss me but let me go The Rose Beyond the Wall Near shady wall a rose once grew, Budded and blossomed in God’s free light, Watered and fed by morning dew, Shedding its sweetness day and night. As it grew and blossomed fair and tall, Slowly rising to loftier height, It came to a crevice in the wall Through which there shone a beam of light. Onward it crept with added strength With never a thought of fear or pride, It followed the light through the crevice’s length And unfolded itself on the other side. The light, the dew, the broadening view Were found the same as they were before, And it lost itself in beauties new, Breathing its fragrance more and more. Shall claim of death cause us to grieve And make our courage faint and fall? Nay! Let us faith and hope receive— The rose still grows beyond the wall, Scattering fragrance far and wide Just as it did in days of yore, Just as it did on the other side, Just as it will forevermore. -A. L. Frink

Not sure of the poet, but can find out at a later stage, if needed God’s Lent Child. “I’ll lend you for a little while A child of mine” God said – For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead. It may be six or seven years or forty two or three but will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief, you’ll have his nicest memories as solace for his grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return but, there are lessons taught below, I want this child to learn. I’ve looked the whole world over, in my search for teachers true, and from the things that crowd life’s lane I have chosen you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labour vain, nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again? I fancied that I heard them say, “Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done” for all the joys thy child will bring the risk of grief will run. We’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may, and for the happiness we’ve known forever grateful stay. But, should the Angels call for him much sooner than we planned, we’ll brave the grief that comes and try to understand.

Just to let you all know that I appreciate this help-but must now go to work and will not be home until after 9.30 p.m. Your words are beautiful-thank you-I will cherish and keep them all-Jennifer and Family.

So! Tell me! Did you get what you wanted from life? Yes - I did. And what was it you wanted from life? Oh - to call myself beloved, Beloved of your heart. To BE beloved, Beloved of the earth. ................................................. Sing! Oh, sing out loud for me! And now sing louder still And pray with all your hearts That I have gone ahead of you Before all time beyond all space To where the music starts. ................................................... He has taken up his light and gone Into another room Which I cannot find But I know that he was here By the love he left behind. ....................................................... If he must die Then take him up and cut him out in little stars And he shall make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night. ....................................................................

I wrote this poem a while ago, it is actually based on the same theme that Janet posted in her thread. THE EMIGRANT. A man stood on the quayside Gazing fondly at his friend, For the years they'd shared together Were sadly coming to an end. His friend was emigrating To start a life anew, And as they hugged each other They bade farewell, adieu. The man then watched the ship depart And sail off o'er the sea, And then with tears in his eyes He turned and left the quay. Though now these friends had parted They still shared a common bond, Memories that can cross the sea To those lands way beyond. Today we've nought but memories As we gaze up towards the skies, For our dear friend as left us here With tears in our eyes. But those memories that we cherish They can cross that great divide To keep us close together Forever side by side. Dear friend, O may you live in peace Until we cross the main, Then when we reach the shores of Heaven Pray God, we'll meet again.

I have only recently come across this poem, which you may consider not suitable for a Thanksgiving service. But I think it sums up how those of us left behind feel when we are catapulted into coping with the loss a loved one. Please Be Gentle Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim in is a lonely one and the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soul as I struggle through each day. My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask “why.” At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly, so great is my loss. Please don’t turn away Or tell me to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through tears And sit with me in loving silence. Honour where I am in my journey Not where you think I should be. Listen patiently to my story. I may need to tell it over and over again. It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through weeks and months ahead. Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable. A small flame still burns within my heart And shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears. I need your support and understanding. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I must find my own path. Please, will you walk beside me? By Jill B. Englar

God's Lent Child is by Edgar Guest

My friend Annie, lost her lovely 28 year old daughter, Pippa, last May, to a terminal lung disease. At her thanksgiving service this poem was recited....I think it's beautiful, and very comforting. What is Dying? I am standing on the sea shore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails in the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and I stand and watch her until at last she fades on the horizon. Then someone at my side says There, she has gone - Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all She is just as large in the mast, hull and spars as she was when she left my side.... The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me and not in her, and just at the moment when someone by my side says 'She is gone' others take up the glad shout 'There she comes' Author: Bishop Brent

Jennifer , the following was read at my Dad's memorial Service. This was for all families who had lost a loved one at the hospice within the previous six months, but is easily adapted. In the room, there was a bare branch situated in the middle, we were all given a paper leaf to tie on to it, after writing our loved one's name on it. However for Stephen, everyone could write one or two words of a special memory they hold of him perhaps. Anyway, the poem... LEAF BY LEAF Leaf by leaf they tumble and fall: all my haggard hurts. Like an oak tree, ever so slowly letting go, so the heartache of my heart. There goes a bit of sadness, now a leaf of anger flies; then it's the dropping of self-pity. The leaf of forgiveness takes forever to fall; almost as long as non-trusting. Leaf by leaf they fall from the heart, like a tree in its own time. Old wounds don't heal quickly, they drop in despairing slowness, never looking at the clock. It seems a forever process, this healing of the heart, and I am none too patient. But a quiet day finally comes when the old tree with no leaves, is decidedly ready for the new. And in my waiting heart, the branches with no leaves, have just a hint of green! (Joyce Rupp)

To Those I Love by Isla Paschal Richardson If I should ever leave you, Whom I love To go along the silent way. . . Grieve not. Nor speak of me with tears. But laugh and talk of me As if I were beside you there. (I'd come. . .I'd come, Could I but find a way! But would not tears and And grief be barriers?) And when you hear a song Or see a bird I loved, Please do not let the thought of me Be sad. . .for I am loving you Just as I always have. . . You were so good to me! There are so many things I wanted still to do. . . So many things I wanted to say to you. . . Remember that I did not fear. . . It was Just leaving you That was so hard to face. We cannot see beyond. . . But this I know: I loved you so. . . 'twas heaven here with you!

nudge for Jennifer

Gosh I have tears streaming down my face reading all these wonderful words, but admittedly the tears belong to Stephen, tonight however, some of those tears are yours, for caring and helping me, how can I possible find the right words to thank you- I will use Stephen's words, thanks a million-what would I do without you?

I hope they give you some ideas Jennifer. These are all readings and poems that have helped us, so I hope they help you too.

Jennifer, I hope you and your family will find some of these ideas express exactly the right sentiments for you all. It is a very personal thing, but sometimes we find someone else has written just what we want to say. And it's okay to miss bits out, add bits of your own choosing or to alter odd words. I'm sure we are all pleased to be able to support you at this difficult time. Jay

Just feels the right time to print what I wrote for Stephen's funeral. If you could speak today Son I know what you would say 'Come on everybody smile, Please celebrate my Day' but it's hard to smile when your sad Stephen, It's hard to smile when you're sore, and it's hard to smile cos we know, we won't see you anymore. If your could speak to your Brother's and Sister today I know what you would want to say, Look after your kid's, make them number one, make sure their life's are full of fun, Don't cry for me, do not mourn my passing, rather then tears, I want you laughing. But Stephen, we can't help the tear's, cannot wipe away the pain, cannot forget the day we heard, you won't be home again, but we'll listen to you Stephen, we'll try and smile again., but we know without you, life will never be the same. You were loved by us all, and we will Miss you so much, but we hear you Son, we hear you.