General Chat

My Mother in law was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in the last few months, and, with medication, was living a fairly normal life with her husband. He tragically died on Christmas Eve, and now my husband and his siblings need to work out the best option for Mum's living arrangements. I am not sure she should be living completely alone; perhaps a warden assisted flat would be nice for her. Does anyone have any experience of this. I would really welcome your advice. Thanks in advance. Suzy. x

The problem is, when somebody has Alzheimer's, put them in a new strange home, and it will cause more confusion, they like routine and things they know well. Perhaps you could get her a care package, where it would allow her to stay in her familiar surroundings. Good Luck.

So so sorry to hear your tragic news babe!! Get onto Social Services and ask for their advice/help! xx

Hello Jennifer To be honest MIL seems happy to move. Her flat, which is very big, is a lot of work for her. She seemed to like the idea of a smaller, newer place. Also, when we said about other people being around, in a communal lounge, for example, she seemed happy. I wonder if such places exist for people with Alzheimer's. I know my husband and his sister and brother abhor the idea of her going into a home, and since none of us can look after her in our homes, we want something a bit more 'half-way' if you know what I mean. Suzy

Suzy I'm afraid I don't have any relevant advice but I'd like to offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your father-in-law. Thinking of all the family at this sad time. Love Mandy x

Sue, Lal, Diana and Mandy Thank you all for your kind replies. I have PM'd you all. Suzy

so sorry to hear this suzy, i hope something is sorted out for you, and very sorry about your father in law hope you get the help you need and have a bettrr new year love lorraine xxxxxxx

Suzy, My sincere condolences for the loss of your father in law. My own dear Dad had Alzheimer's and my mother shortened her own life looking after him. In the latter stages of my fathers illness we had no option but to find a care home for him. I can not praise the staff of that home enough. My father ended his life well loved and very well cared for, far better than we could have given him. Look at all options and take your time before making any decision. My thoughts are with you and your family. Beryl x

I guess it would be a good idea, especially if she seems happy about the idea - to get on and move her whilst the Effects are not too life encompassing so that the new environment becomes home before she goes 'too far away from herself' ( which is the best phrase I can use for the way these sufferers become) My mum has it, she's still my mum in body , but 'away' in what she was. thinking of you at his difficult time, and in the days ahead jess

Lorraine, Beryl and Jess I really appreciate your kind replies. I have PM'd you. Suzy x

Suzy have PM'd you. Linda x

Can I offer you my condolences. Such an awful thing to hapen at christmas. I have worked with people with alzheimer's and know what a devastating illness it is. I think most people in the later stages need a nursing home. I wonder if it is worth trying to find a care home or supported housing option which is linked to a nursing home for the later stages. In Bristol where I live we have a very good dementia outreach service which provides care for people in the early stages in their own home. We also have daycentres for people with early stage dementia. Her G.P. should know what is available locally and he will be the person who will have to do the recommending. Have you checked she is receiving all the benefits she is entitled to? (((Hugs)) Anne

Hi Suzy Sorry can't offer any advice, but just to let you know am thinking of you at this time. Jxx

Anne and Jules Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it. I have PM'd you. Suzy x

Suzy, Have sent you a pm. Elaine x.

Suzy..... I nursed my lovely Mum for nearly 4 years at home with Alzheimers. Thankfully I have a very caring and understanding hubby who has always supported me in this. Mum was diagnosed in 2000 and believe me towards the end of the 4 years I was under such extreme stress. I moved in with Mum nd had carers coming in to sit with her and give me a break. My 2 sisters were working and I had retired and I too said that my Mum would never go into a Care Home but in the end she had to. She is very well looked after and does not know us now which, is so sad. This disease is definately the long good bye.... as I lost my Mum some years ago now and she cannot walk, talk, and is doubly incontinent. Mum had to have 24hour care which I could not do but, did as much as I could until she went in to her Home that she's in now. I had help from Mums GP who was wonderful, she was also on the tablets that NICE and the Government in their wisdom have decided to stop!! Without those tablets Mum could not have stayed at Home. The Alzheimers Society were marvellous and we got Mum into a day centre 3 days a week which only lasted about 3 months as she became too aggresive bless her.... Social Worker was not much of a help as I did all the chasing around to find these Carers and help for Mum.... So now I do voluntary work for Alzheimers Society to repay them for how they helped me...... and I am disgusted that they have withdrawn these very very important and much needed drugs for Alzheimer sufferers in the early stages.... £2.50 a day they cost for Heavens sake!!!!! I don't know how I would have managed caring for my Mum without them.. If your M i L is happy to be moved to a Sheltered Accomodation and you can find one that caters for her then do so but, I am not sure that they will take her as she may be at risk of walking out and wandering... If I can help Suzy please pm me I will help all I can. Love Maisie xx

Sorry to hear your sad news. My Dad had dementia and it was very difficult to cope with. He settled well into a nursing home where he got the care that my Mum could'nt give him. He did have other health issues which made things more difficult. Maybe while she is happy to move and more able to cope and settle well into care, now is the time. Good luck whatever you and your MIL decide to do. Susan xx

So Sorry to hear your sad news my sincere condolences for the loss of your father in law. My M.I.L has the earlier stages of Alzheimer's she is in hospital at the moment which has only made her condition worse she has become so confused wandering around lost, it's been a difficult decision for my hubby and his family to make regarding her after care as some member's just dont want the responsibility of caring for her, but as a family they feel its important she returns home to familar surroundings as she's 85 and has lived in her house for over 60yrs, so Hubby is Brother and Sister have agreed to share the responsibility not bad out of 7 chidren it will be tough on them they know but it's something they feel they need to do, It really is best to look at all options and take your time before making any decision. There is lots of help and advice out there and peoples personal experiences on caring for loved ones i do wish you and your family the very best and my thoughts are with you . Lilx

Maisie, Susan and Lil Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I have PM'd you. Suzy x

Hope you find the right solution-not sure I did-but out voted four to one-God Bless you and yours.