General Chat

The only 'Advice' I would offer, is that, if you look into a warden controlled sheltered home for her that you make sure that the wardens are able to offer nursing care. Where my late Mum lived, the warden would check every morning that all was well with each resident, but couldn't offer care if they were ill. Of course they would call assistance is they were ill, i.e. Doctor or Ambulance. I wish you all the best. Sunny R

Im so sorry to hear of your loss anytime is a bad time but near christmas I believe is worse I lost my daughter 10 years ago on the 18th dec so I know My nanny Evans had alz too she was a busy caring and intelligent person who turned intoa nasty uncaring and not at all my gran My nan died prob 6 years before her body did You have my thoughts with you I agree with the others whilst shes at her best let her go where she wants. But make sure its secure as my nan did wander (saying that she got out of the one home with five bolts on etc they said they will never understand how she got out of there) I think in a commune situation will keep her going too least you picked it up early sometimes it can go without being noticed In her own home she can be very vunerable my nan was ripped off by an antique dealer we didnt know till a few days later he had told her he wanted to marry her thats when we realised she got alz All the best for 2007 to you and you family please contact me anytime

Hello Sorry to hear your sad news. I will share with you a few of my own experiences which I hope may give you some pointers. 3 years ago my mother passed away with cancer. About the same time as my mother started to deteriorate it became clear to us as a family that my father was not in control of his mental faculties. At first we thought that it was due to the stress of having to cope with mother's terminal illness. He had always enjoyed good physical health but he started to do some strange and bizarre things which were out of character and he started to suffer short term memory loss. As my mother was not able to cope with him and care for him due to her own frailty we sought the help of Social services whose help became invaluable, not only in the care for mum but also as Dad's condition changed as well. We were able to obtain respite care for him in a local Care Home which gave mum chance to rest and fret less. Eventually Mum passed away in early 2004 and dad's mental condition continued to deteriate. He then spent some time at an assesment Centre and as a result of this assessemnt he was then found a care home which specialise in dementia care. Sadly he also passed away in October this year although it was not the Dementia which caused his death but rather a very severe chest infection. My advice to you is not to be frightened to ask for professional help. We had great support from Herts Adult Care Services who wre excellent. We received Financial Support in the the form of attendance allowance for my mother whilst she was in the final satges of her terminal illness. Social Services also put us in touch with many other Services which could provide practicle help such as Meals on Wheels, MacMillan Nursing, Domestic help for shopping, washing and cleaning. Depending on your loved ones circumstances you may also get some financial help for Care Home Services if you find it necessary to find alternative housing. My advice is Don't struggle and try and cope entirely on your own. I know from experience that we alsways want the best for our parents but there is often a limit to the practicle help and financial help we can provide personaly. I wish you well. Take care. Melvyn

Hi Suzy I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Please accept my sincere condolences. I am also sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I too, had a parent who suffered form this cruel illness. Sadly my dad died just before Christmas too. I found our Social Services did not help much at all, they offered my mum one hour a day help with dad; sadly she then suffered a collapse due to the stress of looking after him & died before him. Dad was assessed by the Social Services & put in a totally unsuitable home for someone with dementia (They do wander, so a 'locked door' policy is a must). I would be careful about sheltered accomadation; they do not know how to deal with Alzheimers/Dementia sufferers. Recently my OH was out & a lady slipped & fell in front of her home, which was in a sheltered block, he tried to get the warden to help & she didn't want to know; it was her day off!!! OH had to help her back into her home, check she was ok etc himself! It really is a long goodbye. All I can advise is don't disturb her surroundings too much; dad used to scream like an animal when he was just taken for hospital check-ups! Ask around for recommendations from others regarding how good a home is for her. She will need Nursing Care in a specialist home; ordinary old people's homes are not suitable. Take care of yourself, too, it is a very stressful thing to watch a loved one deteriorate like this. Pm me if you ever need support, lots of us have helped each other through this. (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Joan

Sunny, Susan, Melvyn and Joan Thank you all for your very kind replies. I have PM'd you. Suzy x

Suzy, I think you have all the advice you can cope with and very good advice it is. I would just like to offer my condolences on the loss of your father in law. I am sure he died knowing you would care for his wife and he was leaving her in safe hands. Liz

Liz I have PM'd you. Suzy x