General Chat

A member of my family is pregnant with their first baby and has had all the signs of a miscarriage. Because she was unsure of her 'date' the Dr warned of a possible miscarriage or Etopic pregnancy. She was in some pain and had other signs. Her GP sent her home and arranged a scan the next day. Scan has shown that it is not Ectopic but the baby is no longer 'in the womb' she has been told to just wait for 'nature to take it's course' How do you help a 23 year old get through this weekend? She is due to go abroard on Monday and the Dr, has told her to go, as it will all be over by then. I have had 6 miscarriages over the years and each one has been different. i only had to go into hospital twice. I am worried that she will not recognise if she needs to go to hospital or not. Is this the 'norm' nowadays? Jenny.

Oh! Jenny-that is awful-bless her - hope the docs got it wrong - miricle's do happen XX

Forgot to add, they have been trying for a baby for 3 years now. She only has around one 'period a year' Not sure what it is now called. could someone enlighten me please? Jenny.

Aww Jenny l really don't know if this is the norm or not, l was lucky enough not to have had a miscarriage - it does seem abit extreme, but thats me. Does she have to go abroad next week, could she delay it because of the risk, stay here and be near family and friends. This is so sad, wish l could suggest something to help. Take care and hugs to your friend. jude sarf wales xx

no answers - just hugs!! xx

Dunno what to say , my OH had 2 miscarriages whilst we were in the forces and both times it appears it was different symptoms , if that makes sense , I have to admit though that the help and advice given to her indoors by the forces was great , and thank god we still have 3 brill kids and 4 even briller grandkids Twizzle

hI jENNY, i HAVE HAD 3 MISCARRIAGES, THE FIRST TWO WERE AT 9 AND 11 WEEKS. tHERE WAS NO HEART BEAT AND I HAD TO GO FOR A D AND C ON BOTH OCCASIONS AS THE BABY HAD HAD A HEARTBEAT BUT DIEd. I lost a twin at 17 weeks also. i am suprised your D in L hasnt been advised to have a d and c All my love to you all, Caz xxxx

Sorry, I've no answer either hun. But my heart goes out to you and yours...!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will be thinking of and praying for you all!! Laura.

Jenny, Think positive I had this 30 years ago at 14 weeks pregnant. Told to have bed rest at home. If no bleeding to go to bed for a couple of days then if no further bleeding to get up. This is duly did on and off for 2 weeks. I was then told Junior had died in the womb. To get up carry on as normal would all come away on its own. No Dand C offered. Result 6 months later one healthy young man weighing 7llbs 4ozs. Just had has just had his 29th birthday Sue

Jenny, i can't add to this, it's too close to home, but wanted to send some ((hugs))

Jenny, Not sure what else the dr told her. Sounds like she's had a complete miscarriage and is just waiting for the bleeding to stop. If they did the ultrasound and couldn't see anything then the embryo has already emptied out of the uterus. The concern over infection is if the body does not expel all the tissue, the most common procedure performed to stop bleeding and prevent infection is a D + C. Sounds like she doesn't need this though because the ultrasound was clear. Google miscarriage and treatment to read more. Rose

My daughter lost her first, much wanted baby (and my first, much wanted grandchild) at 14 weeks. She went for a routine scan, was told very matter of factly that her baby was dead, and tipped back out into the waiting room. She went home distraught and I called her GP. He said it was not necessary for her to go into hospital as nature would soon take its course. Three weeks and two days later, nature still had not taken its course and I was climbing the walls with terror. I dragged her to A and E and kicked up a stink - they admitted her very quickly and did a D and C later the same day. An older nurse on the ward told me they only admit you these days if you kick up a fuss - cost cutting, as most women will go on to have a 'normal' miscarriage. Those who don't, will be taken to hospital with all sorts of complications. I have had many miscarriages - admittedly all over 25 years ago, but in those days you were routinely admitted for a D and C, even if 'everything' had come away. If it's of any use in this particular situation, I did go on to have several healthy babies. But I haven't forgotten the ones I lost. OC

So sorry for her loss. She may end up having to have an ERPC.

Unfortunately this does seem to be the norm. Please take her to hospital asap if shes losing too much blood; my useless GP told me 'Its only a miscarriage, no need to go to hospital'. I lost half the blood in my body and nearly died; I needed a blood transfusion. Falkirkbairn, Im so sorry to hear that. x

Hi Jenny This is not just a cost cutting measure as some seem to think. A D&C is not just a simple operation,they can and do go wrong. The most common complications are perforation of the uterus but have also heard of perforation of the bowel and bladder. This is why they should only be performed if absolutely necessary.For most women they are not. In the old days they did them because they thought it was kinder,which was misguided I find that as long as women understand what is happening and the process and have good family support they are fine If a scan has shown that the fetus and products of conception are no longer in the womb and they have ruled out ectopic pregnancy then everything will simply pass . Personally if it were me I would definately go on holiday. Regards Tania

Tania Although I understand and agree with what you say about a D and C not being a simple operation without risks, in my day there were of course, no scans available, and the first you knew of your miscarriage was when you started to bleed. When I had my first miscarriage, the GP was not sure that I was pregnant, and as there was a GP strike at the time I was told to go home and wait to see what happened next. I almost bled to death and had to have three blood transfusions and a D and C, followed by a further D and C because I had an infection. We have scans now - a mixed blessing, because before that we were all in blissful ignorance of what was going wrong. But to be told your baby is dead and then be sent home to wait days/weeks for the inevitable, is rather cruel, in my opinion. OC

One point no one seems to have mentioned, and I am not being unsympathetic in not discussing the miscarriage, I have been through a premature birth and losing my daughter 3 days later so do understand, but what about the praciticalities of this situation? Is this young lady insured to go abroad and will that insurance now be invalidated because of an undisclosed medical condition? I think that you need to help her check this out in case of any problems abroad, and her incurring expensive medical bills and no longer being covered by her insurance. I do feel for her, the whole thing seems to have been very casually dealt with, and she might feel the need for some counselling in a while. There is also the problem of infection so she must take care. Liz

Thank you all for your replies. I have read each of them and want to reply. But I have had unexpected visitors and they have just gone home. So will get back to you all tomorrow. Jenny xx

Cant add to this Jenny, jjust sending you all lots of hugs, thats all take care xxLynnxx

Just to let you all know, my 'relative' actually my Daughters Step Daughter, lost her baby this lunchtime. She is ok, but obviously broken hearted. I am so annoyed that no-one had told her what to expect, just sent home to wait the inevitable. The poor girl had no support from her GP whatsoever, and considering they didnt know at the begining if it was an Etopic pregancy or not, I think it is absolutley disgusting. I had to relay what I knew from my past experiences to my Daughter, so she could tell her. As I said earlier I have had 6 miscarriages, and all were completley different. My first one, my first pregnancy at 12 weeks, was horrendous. The next, my 3rd pregnancy I was 19 weeks and thought I was dying, ended up in hospital, D&C and had to be given 3 pints of blood. Sometimes I had to have a D&C others I did not. I have been lucky I have 4 healthy children by my late Husband, But unlucky because I lost my last two babies with 2nd Hubby. He has never had any children and we would have dearly loved our own, although I was in my late 30's. Sorry to have rambled on but I feel so upset and angry. Only a few weeks ago, we were laughing and joking that my Daughter was going to be a Step Grandma at the age of 27yrs. Yes there is rather a large age gap between my Daughter and her Husband. Jenny. x