General Chat

im beginning to grow fond of my mum, i dont need her or depend on her but can look at her past and some things make sense, re ; showing affection and having a very split personality. My mum comes from a very middle class background, although she never new her father she was brought up first by her gran then when her mother remaried a farmer she went to live with them at the age of 3, her step father never spoke to her untill a few years ago, but she felt close to her mum although this was never physically shown, this im beginning to understand how this must of mapped her life out. continued.

Sounds as though your mum had it a bit tough through the first part of her life,but she must have been a strong person to come out of it all and sort herself a life out of a bad situation. She sounds a mum who you can be proud of as well .Fred.

at 16 mum joined the wrens to get away from her stepdad and living in the remote farm, unfortuatley i guess feeling worthless and no esteem she met my dad who thankfully died when he was 32 lets just say he showed me the wrong kind of love, mum never knew but yraes later my violent ex told her just to spite me, although i felt nothing for my mum i still didnt think she needed to know . I didnt understand why i never felt wanted or loved why i had to look after 3 younger siblings why i got the blame for everything went wrong why we had to leave my nana and home town why when she remarried every argument they had i got blamed for it why she could physically show love to my siblings and not me , in later life why she would do anything for my sister including babysit, why she let me move from safe hostels because of a man who beat me , she even blamed me for that why my health is so damaged because i went off the rails at sixteen and why what ever i did who ever i married where ever i lived just wasnt good enough, one minute i can laugh with her as she can be nutty as a fruit cake next she can be a unimanagble snob, im trying to love , but why are my dreams of a childhood haunting me night after night , these dreams are showing me why i shouldnt love her they are dreams of me feeling her acting towards me of all the things she has done , my step dad is never in them or my real dad, just this dark feeling and whren i wake up i want to cry. in the years i was beaten i would hold my self and sob for my mum or some one to hold me, is this what she did as a child ? why is this happening now when i am a content adult having coming to terms of the past, i feerl this is trying to break me sorry for waffling but i need some awnsers, also when my mum phoned me and said is it true about my dead dad i just creid all she said was i belive you, why didnt she stop him.

she does try and justify the past and says you were a difficult child and i had a awnswer for everything, she once asked what my dad had done , it wasnt that bad but i think he died before it could go any further , she said he loved me so much he never wanted me to marry i was 10 ffs. why now is this all gonna crack me up, this was all brought to a head friday night when i watched my friend stand with his arm arround his daughter singing on the kareoke, sorry if this is too much but i dont no what to do

Lorraine, Although your Mum says she believes you about your Dad, she may not have known at the time, or may have been scared of him for some reason, too scared to stop him. better to believe that she didn't know I think. Have you considered asking for counselling re your dreams now? Maybe it will help to exorcise things if you can talk about it on here. I am sorry you had such a sad childhood, it does sound as if, with your Mum, it was history repeating itself. ((((hugs)))) Ann Glos

Puss hunny get on msn please i wanna talk to ya :o) ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

i just hope peeps dont mind, this last dream just was to much xxx

I think by putting all this pn here is a good start - you have bottled it up for too long. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Love Mary xx

thanks ann, i think your write he was scary although i never saw him hit mum, he belted me a lot, i may have to see a councilor but frightend always have been of breaking down, but i see this as a first step thanks agin jax going on now xx

hi just been able to talk to your friends will help and talking doeshelp with healing get it all out.

thanks shelli and mary too its just this last dream i woke crying .

try a self help group were you are all the same talking to some one who has been there to.my help you and advise you on how to deal with your mum.but above please try to keep smiling.

i will shelly feeling better already, xx

thanks linda i really will, because like everything in life we seem to cope in the day time but when your nights are haunted by it its too much and i really want to be my mums friend, i dont want that guilt to god forbid she dies and i never tried xx

Please don't be afraid of breaking down and showing your emotions to a counsellor, they are trained to cope with that. And, in case you were thinking otherwise. It is normal for a Father to show a daughter love and affection ( referring to your remark about the karaoke night), just some fathers seem not to know where to draw the line. their love seems to become obsessive and innapropriate. Ann Glos

if you are more settled and content with life now and all this has been bottling up its your way of now letting it all go and move on.

hi ann, thats why i cried because i really could see what i had missed it was so nice, i even went ant told them . i will go and see ive just had a lovely chat with someone and now know because my life is content my mind is playing tricks and its telling me i may get hurt again from my mum if i let her in too much, i9 suspected this anyway, even though i feel a stranger to mum, i can see we are quite simular too .

Blondie, ur mail brought back loads of memories for me, I see other mothers huggin' kissing their chilkdren, i was youngest i never got that, i lived half my childhood in children's homes...,unwanted, father left me when i was 4 - cause i was a 'B' grandparents didnt want to know.....yes i look back and remember as a child i didnt want a bike - or a doll just a family like my friends in school..normal...not living in children's homes..some awful place and awful people looking after you... Dont look back...i have a lovely mad family, i did and do all those things i never had or wanted for and with them, Yes i cry sometimes for what i have missed, but one cannot change the past or make someone love you !.... I remember a lovely friend once saying...'' if u cannot love you, how can others '' When it gets u down talk about it get rid of it with friends...if u ever want to chat with someone who has been there ur welcome to send me a pm.......Look at ur selve now and be proud...everyone has skelitons...along the line.....take care Joanie

thanks llc i guess its time now, whilst nothing major is happening, they say life begins at 40, which i am this year so i will be seeing gp tomorrow xx

thanks joanie you make a lot of sense, i feel like ive coped ive been there for othewrs , even been part of organizeations to listen to others its since the dreams started from me thinking forget the past and be a daughter to my mum, this is what is hurting cause my dreams are making me remeber that it was a horrible lonely child hood ive done ok, i have a 20 yr old who works for a bank, a son with aspergers about to go to music college and a well balanced 11 yr old, i just hope its my mind playing tricks. im glad you have moved on and thankyou for your very kind offer xxx