General Chat

My Mum died recently and the day before her funeral my youngest sister and I found out that our middle sister had taken jewellery items
which had been left to us,and possibly other items as well,from here to an overseas country where she now lives.We both feel very hurt to know that our sister has done this.We have had a very close bond together all our lives,and now this sister has broken that bond.What makes it worse is that she has plotted this over a long period of time-2 years-and when she came back for Mum's funeral,presented us with
substituted items-a white gold cluster diamond engagement ring which Mum always said she would leave to my youngest sister,which currently should have been worth between $25,000-$30,000. The substituted ring is currently valued at approx.$6000;the diamond earrings which were supposed to be left to me,possibly worth about $5-6000 are currently valued at $1400.My sister was annoyed that she was "only being left Mum's shitty old pearls,"which were in fact nicely matched,graduated Japanese Mikimoto pearls worth about $6-8000,
but in her eyes less in value than the other items.The fact that she has substituted Mum's jewellery for a stranger's items,then tried to pass them off as Mum's,whilst keeping the dearer items and using the proceeds for herself,meanwhile trying to fool us,is so hurtful.

It might seem from what I've said that I only care about the monetary value of the jewellery, but I don't.My other sister and I can't believe that she would betray us like that,through her greed,then lie about it.We would have been happy to sell all 3 items,and split the proceeds equally 3 ways between us,but we never even got the opportunity to do that.I have said even on here,several times,- that I was so lucky to have the best sisters in the world,as we were so close. I thought that nothing would ever break that bond,how wrong I was!

Now not only have I lost my Mum,I have also lost a sister.We both wrote a stinging email to my sister after the funeral,expressing our disgust at what she had done,so now she is communicating through her solicitor to us,and says that she will never speak to us again,as a result of our "vile,upsetting emails " which contained "baseless accusations.".I don't know what lies she has told her husband and daughter about us,but they,and she,have blocked us on Facebook.I think that she is worried that they,and her friends and her husband's family, will find out what she has done. The only good thing about it is that my youngest sister and I are much closer together now.

It is horrible to know that a person that you grew up with,and loved and trusted all your life,can do this to you and your sister.It's been just over one month now,and I no longer cry every time I think about it,but that sense of disbelief-"How could she do that to us?" is still there.We didn't confront her about it at the funeral,because we didn't want any unpleasantness marring Mum's funeral.We left it for 1 week,after having the substituted jewellery valued,before we sent the emails.

Thank you for reading this.Has any one else got any horror stories about greedy siblings and wills?

I have horror stories. To horrible to tell here.

Put it this way....... I grew up with 4 brothers. As far as I'm concerned, I now have only one.

Low life, greedy, and liars.

I'm really sorry to hear that,Lady Scozz.Obviously your stories are more painful than mine!!

Margot.

Margot, first of all my deepest sympathy on the loss of your Mum. I am so sad to read your story, and can understand your hurt, how awful that your sister plotted this cheating scheme and did such awful things which have broken up the family. Have you no legal redress against her? Personally I would be so angry I would do everything I could to bring her to justice, it's no more or less than theft and her family should be told what she has done, if they don't already know or weren't in on it. As you say, it's not the monetary value, it's the fact that the personal items have gone and you have been left with things that have no sentimental value. I am sure your Mum would be heartbroken and upset that this happened and your sister has been so underhand and nasty.

I am glad you have your other sister and are even closer but it shouldn't have been this way, all three 'girls' should have been supportive of each other and one should not have been greedy and wicked.

Lady Scozz, sad for you too. My brothers and I never got much from either of my parents when they died, they never had much anyway. Both my brothers are very well off but took the share of the £3000 Mum left so we got £1000 each. Pocket money to them but it meant a lot to me and my son. I got Mum's rings but they weren't worth much, more sentimental value than anything else.

Sad but true but at the saddest of times, families can find greed and jealousy can show up more than at any other time.

Lizx

My sincere condolences. Margot. Sadly occasions like this bring out the worst in some people. I hope one day your sister will realise that it wasn't worth the deception as she has lost two very important people in her life.

Take comfort in each other, Margot <3

Hugs to you Margot,

There is a saying, "you can pick your friends but not your relations".... sadly this appears to be true in some instances....

Maybe one day your sister will realise how badly she has acted.

My late MIL had a saying " you never see a Hearse heading to a cemetery towing a trailer" ;-)..........

Be comforted by happy memories, your sister has to live with herself.

I can only see two precious things you got from your mum in this story and that is your two sisters.

Margot, I am sorry for the loss of your Mother and for consequently the loss of your sister which must be the greater hurt at the moment. We expect, although don't want, our parents to leave us at some point but you could never have anticipated what your sister would do. And I can't believe her husband is unaware of what she has done, if she has been able to buy fairly expensive substitutes of the jewellery then she probably sold the original so surely her husband would wonder where here money has come from.

Funerals and wills do always bring out the worst in people. I was hurt on a very much smaller scale by my sister after the death of my father. He only left £10000 in the end after his money was eaten by care home fees. My sister, my daughter and I were joint executors but my sister lived near to him so she dealt with everything. In his will we were left equal shares in everything. She told me that verbally (because he said she had done his washing, shopping etc when he lived alone after Mum died= We lived 2 hours away and took our mower down once an month and did his very large garden.) that he wanted her to have an extra £2000 so she took that out before dividing up the rest. We are and were better off than her and I always intended giving her extra. But the way she did that, inferring that Dad thought she did more for him than us really hurt. Daughter was all for going to law over it but I said no. Things were very cold between us for a while and daughter still has little to do with her. But life is too short so we are reasonably friendly now. Don't see her because she moved to another country to live. Again it was the action not the money. And one other thing. After my Mum died 7 years before Dad, she had left me her wedding ring and a gold bracelet. My sister had her engagement ring. We found the rings ok but nowhere could we find that bracelet that Mum had been wearing at least until 4 months before her death because I saw it on her. A mystery that was never solved but left some suspicion.

I wonder if your sister now feels regret and knows that it is something she has to live with for the rest of her life.

It is no consolation but you may feel some comfort just knowing that your Mum wanted you to have those things, don't let your sister's action sully the memory of your Mum.

When I read stories like this, I'm really pleased that I'm an only child.

funerals can bring out the best and the worst in people

when my lovely Mum died the funeral was horrendous on so many levels - a cousin of mine, who had lived with us on and off as a child, decided that I did not care for my mother, that I had "forced" her into a home, rarely visited, and didn't like anyone else visiting her - all totally untrue

unfortunately my mother's family, of which there were many brothers, sisters and cousins, all believed the lies to be true, so on the day of the funeral my sister and I were shunned, so not only had we lost our lovely Mum, we had lost a large part of our family too

Years later one of my mother's brothers died, the only one who did not judge us, so with trepidation I went to the funeral, keeping well at the back and having no eye contact with any other mourners

I was shaking like a leaf and on the verge of breaking down, when it became apparent that they wanted to make amends, but I just couldn't take it at that time

When that brother's wife died I went to that funeral and they all gathered round, not apologising but making it clear they regretted what had happened.

I'm happy to say we are now back on track and the cousin who was at the root of all the problems is now an outcast - so good result all round, but so painful for many years

A friend of mine tells a story about his father who was illegitimate having been born some 2 years after his mother's husband had died.

My friends father was 16 years old at the time and had just started work when his mother died. He had 2 older half sisters who were both married with families of their own. One day he returned from work to discover that whilst he had been at work his 2 half sisters had returned to their mothers old home where he still lived and had removed absolutely everything. They had not even left him a chair to sit in or a bed to sleep in.

There is nothing like a death in the family when it comes to revealing peoples true character. Greed and/or jealousy is often exposed.

as the saying goes - "Where there's a will, there's a relative"

Margot. just one thing occured to me reading your post, you are 100% sure that at no point would your mum have asked your sister to take the items and sell them, buy cheaper replacement, to free up the cash for her own needs , your mum's that is?

No possibility either that your sister needed cash urgently and your mum helped her out? but neither wanted to let on?

Very sad if it has broken your family up.

It does seem best, from what I know from other people who have experienced similar, to give the 'inheritance' if it is objects of sentimal value especially, before one dies.

Margot, when we couldn't find my Mum's bracelet I bought a similar (if cheaper) one to remember her by. Why not sell off the replacements that have caused so much upset and buy a piece of jewellery that you really like in remembrance of your Mum.

Thank you all for replying-I didn't realise that I had extra replies because I saved my post and couldn't see them.My apologies!!

Dear Liz, Thank you for your kind thoughts.We are not going to worry about any legal redress.I actually sent a copy of each of the "vile,upsetting emails" to her solicitor who just happens to be a friend of hers.I wanted him to know our side of the story.I am hoping that her actions will catch up with her one day,and she will be forced to admit what she has done.I was tempted to send a copy of our emails to her husband,but then my sister pointed out that if reading them precipitated a heart attack (he nearly died last year and had a 6 vein bypass over here) we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves, so we didn't do it.Your final sentence is so true!

SueMaid,thank you so much.

Susan-nz,that's so true,I love your late MIL's saying!

Sharron-Both sisters were precious to me,now only one is.

AnninGlos-Thank you for sharing your story.It sounds like your sister has quite a lot in common with mine-you are left feeling suspicious also.
We still have a ? over Mum's Mikimoto pearls and sapphire and diamond earrings and wedding ring,we had thought that maybe a member of staff at the nursing home had taken them,but now either Mum managed to lose them accidentally,or my sister took them as well.
We will never know.

Funerals and wills DO bring out the worst in people-but we naively thought that it only happened in other people's families,not ours.

AnnCardiff-what a sad story.I'm sorry to hear that you had so much to put up with as a result of the lies told by your spiteful cousin.At least now everything is back to normal and you no longer live with the hurt caused by her.

I love that saying-very true!!

Rose-Mum was 91 and living in a nursing home.She had enough money to last her another year there.She had dementia but made sense some of the time.For the last 6 months or so she was just existing,waiting to die.I visited her once a week.She had no idea what day,month or year it was and was very confused.She wasn't capable of looking after her own affairs.The middle sister,C, and I had joint financial and medical Power of Attorney over Mum.I was working so left it to C to manage Mum's affairs before she went to live overseas.
I am 100% sure that the idea to replace the jewellery was my sister's.
Mum had nothing to do with it.If my sister needed cash urgently she may have helped herself to it,as she had sole control then.We would not have known,nor would Mum.We had no reason not to trust her.

It definitely is better to give away items of sentimental value while the person still has their marbles.But..you don't know how much longer that's going to be.Mum actually had the names of the intended recipients taped to the underneath of the items,and we knew her wishes for the disposal of the jewellery,and that didn't happen.Mum's mental state changed a lot during the last 4-5 years of her life. Now... I guess that it's easy to be wise after the event!

AnninGlos-that's a nice idea,but I have sent the ring and earrings up to my sister interstate as I couldn't bear to look at them.If my other sister wants them back she can have them.They have no sentimental value to me at all as they were never Mum's.

Good night all,I'm off to bed..work tomorrow!

Margot.

my sister done the same last year,she chose to kick off at my daughters wedding and spoil the whole day,but she saved the best for last at the evening party,when she called my parents(both in their 70s) the most vile names and made a load of lies up about our family and posted it on facebook,i not on facebook but i had people coming up to me in the street and telling me what she was saying.

myself and my sister were very close and although we lived a 100 miles away from each other,always did as much as we could with each other.

it was a terrible shock when she did what she did.

its a horrible experience ,but a common one :-(

So sad but fairly common for families to fall out after a funeral. My husband had the Power of Attorney and Executor of his aunt's will (she had no family). Long before she died she would tell my husband that all her shares were for him (£14000) . When it came time to finalise the will hubby said "I can't take that money" - it was not written into the will as she didn't want his 3 siblings to know and they certainly wouldn't have ever found out but the thought that they might find out and think he had stolen it and cause a fall out within the family he just couldn't do that and although we were the most hard up with the largest family I agreed with him and to this day no one has ever found out...............Money's not everything but family is

Well my poor son gets everything I have and that means all the stuff in storage as well, it will be a real problem for him if I don't soon sort things out. At least there will be no one to argue with him about anything and some of my things have a little value and he will get the house as well.

A little thing, my youngest brother who is an accountant so knows about things better than I do, sorted out Mum's 'will' (a handwritten note and not really witnessed or anything but she had so little to leave) and he took away the huge bag of photographs and other bits and pieces. He took what he wanted and then gave the bag to me, my other brother wasn't interested. I would love to know what pics brother took as it might have been better for us to go through them together and we could have made copies of the ones we both liked. I got lots I remembered and such but an awful lot that he couldn't put names to, altho I managed to identify a few more folk knowing more about the family that he did.

As has been said, there must be more fallings out and jealousy at funerals than at any other time in a family's history.

I can understand why you don't want the items at your home Margot, it's like rubbing salt into a wound. Remember happy times with your Mum

Lizxx