General Chat

For b´day, anniversary, Christmas, OH insists on giving me flowers and/or a present the day before. He says it doesn´t matter, but for me, it means that there is nothing special about the actual day.
It isn´t that he gets the day wrong. It´s more that he decides when to celebrate & I have no say in the matter.
I always make sure that his "special" days are celebrated on the actual day.

I don't think you're being ungrateful, does he know that you feel so strongly?

Some people don't feel it's important to celebrate on the day itself, but if it is to you then he should respect that and make the effort, won't kill him!

Have you told him that it matters to you?

On the build-up to our 25th Wedding Anniversay, I kept dropping hints about where I'd like to go.... Ireland.
I told OH about all the places in Ireland that I wanted to visit and he seemed really keen.

He asked me to keep the whole week free as he had planned a trip... and said that it was for a place that I ( yes me) had always wanted to go to.

Where did he take me?
Venice!
I cannot ever recall mentioning Venice... because I didn't.

I was truly grateful to get away, but I can understand how you feel. <3 <3

I know exactly how you feel. My OH has always given me a card the day he buys it. It could be the day before or even earlier. He no longer buys me flowers or presents as he tells me to go out and get what I want.

Trouble is , I feel it's my own fault as I have accepted it all these years and I'm not gonna change him now :-)

Yes, he knows because I always point out that it´s a day early.
His attitude is that one day is the same as another, so what does it matter.
I never get a card & Christmas is a real bone of contention because he prefers to celebrate 12th night as is the custom in Spain.
Christmas was the festival for me for 60 years, my birthday has been on the same day for 68 years & I don´t see why I have to change to fit in with what he wants......it´s a control thing on his part.
Have suggested celebrating Christmas & 12th night, but he´s having none of it. He sulks all day Christmas Day every year.
Drives me mad.

WiseChild.... We actually hide our presents till the day of our birthdays as we both like the surprise. I know it sounds a bitchy thing, but tell him to leave them on the side until tomorrow as you love to open them on your Birthday. If it matters to YOU , then it does matter.

Tried that Paula, but he has a tantrum & says that as he´s gone to the trouble of buying me a present (usually the last thing I would ask for) the least I can do is show some interest.
For examle at Christmas, we didn´t have much money, so I asked him to buy me some notebooks & pens (for my research).
What did I get??
A pair of leather gloves which I neither needed nor wanted. :-(

Have you tried having a tantrum, or even more, sobbing with disappointment? :-D You never know, Wisechild, but it might work. Men are a funny species :-D <3

I guess it comes down to whether the other 362 days with him ( other than Christmas, birthday and anniversary) make up for the way you feel .

I think I know why I'm not married lol.... :-D

Have tried the weepy bit a couple of times, but next occasion we are back to square one.
I even arranged our wedding to coincide with his birthday so that he would have no excuse for forgetting or ignoring our anniversary.

Rose.
I shall just say, not a lot.

can I say just be grateful you still have him to give you flowers whatever the day -oh how I wish I still had my OH

Get yourself a Toy Boy and bring some excitement into your life,
things start to go down hill if you get taken for granted to often. :-0 :-0 :-0


F.

<3 <3 <3 <3 @AnnC

Is that a wind-up toy boy?Fred

or one with Batteries?

Hi Bob. :-( :-) :-S :-D <3 ;-)

To be honest .
you need to play tit fot tat.

Give him his card/present a couple of days early and something he doesn't want.

Just watch his reaction and say now you know how I feel when you give me my card/present early.

But I would have the biggest tantrum and weeping and wailing session I could.
Be a good actress.

O how I agree with you Ann, you don't know how much you will miss them till their not there any more, I'd give my right arm to have him back again

It is particularly important to me that I get out sometimes. When OH had no work, we had a tank of diesel but no money to stop anywhere so he took me out for a drive, I let him decide where.

We live in West Sussex has some truly gorgeous places and I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the area.

So, where does he take me then?

Along the A27, up the A3 and back down the Petworth road, the one I drove every day when I was working and not having a very easy time of things.

Oh, how my spirits were lifted!

Personally, what he is doing is crass and insensitive and a form of bullying

He is dictating when you can celebrate your birthday etc.

Do the same to him,

Me, I would have left him long, long ago.

My ex-husband never bought me a birthday or christmas card - his excuse that as my birthday was so close to christmas it was hard to find a birthday card. So I would buy my own and he would sign them for me, so romantic.

The year before I left him that christmas eve, my card was still sitting there waiting to be signed, so I asked if he was going to sign it and he said yes later when he got back from the pub!!! So I promptly tore it into little pieces in front of him and told him he did not have to bother.

I also threw a dinner service on the concrete kitchen floor when I got home from working all night to find that the washing up from the previous evenings dinner was still sitting on the side, when he had promised me he would wash it all up. He did not have to wash that either!!!

AND YOU ARE NOT UNGRATEFUL. YOU DESERVE RESPECT FROM YOUR HUSBAND NOT THIS SHABBY TREATMENT.