General Chat

totally agree with AnnCardiff and Linda

Bless you Wisechild, I am glad you had a friend to spend time with on your birthday, just so it wasn't a total non event. Many happier returns of the day.


My o.h. buys me cards, sometimes I want to tear them up in his face if he gives them to me a few hours after he has ranted and raved over something I have or haven't done, what a hypocrite!

He has bought me some nice presents in the past but mostly things I have suggested or mentioned I like when out shopping together (happens less and less these days) The first Christmas we were together he said he didn't know what to buy me and could I help, I gave him a list of different things of various values (nothing madly expensive) and he got the whole lot! I felt really guilty as I hadn't bought him much but then he had lots more money than I had.

This year I got a box of chocolates and an i.o.u. for some money towards a trip I want to make later on. Who says romance is dead lol

I do feel for you with the way your o.h. behaves, it's so hurtful. I have taught my son from an early age that a card with nice words is important and a little something even if small, is a nice gesture. I know my lad is hard up right now but he and his g.f. got me chocs and a gift voucher and she says to tell her when I see something else I want. She had been asking me for weeks and I couldn't think of anything I really wanted or needed. My son always made the effort tho even when single and I know he tries hard for his gf's birthday.

Nowt as strange as some folk tho

Lizx

Happy Birthday for yesterday Wisechild

I hope the next one will be better!. I would start planning it now, invite a friend over, plan where you will go, even if it's just a 'cup of tea and a walk in the park' as it were, save a few pence from the housekeeping to treat yourself on the day.

That way when OH gives you the flowers the day before you can say "that's good, I will be too busy tomorrow to be bothered with you"! ( well I'm afraid that's what I'd say lol...if I was still there :-) )

Thanks to everyone for your support & good wishes.
I read an article a few weeks ago about how to recognise a Sociopath.
When I showed it to my friend, I had a job convincing her that I hadn´t written it.
If anyone is interested in taking a look, just Google Sociopath symptoms.
It´s really enlightening.

Sharron.
I think you may have hit the nail on the head.
All this started after his mother died 3 years ago. He never grieved for her, almost as though it was a relief, although I had been led to believe that she only just stopped short of being a saint.
I never met the good lady, but all I know is that she seemed to rule the family with a rod of iron. His sisters took turns to have her living with them, but when I suggested that we gave them a break by having her with us for a few months, he refused point blank on the grounds that she wouldn´t be happy because she couldn´t speak English, even though there is nothing wrong with my Spanish.
His sisters totally ignored us at the funeral & haven´t spoken to him since.
It´s almost as if everything he does is to work out whether I love him or not.
He tries too hard & one day his antics will backfire.
Thank you Paula, I spend a nice morning window shopping with a friend & planning what we are going to do when two other friends are here in September.

You're not ungrateful wisechild......you're hurt, sad and angry.

Sending (((hugs))) <3 <3

Well my OH goes to my card collection and adapts one of the cards to send me, so sometimes I am lucky to receive a birthday card on the other hand it could be a Christmas card :-S :-

Carol

He will have to pawn his trousers won't he?

As I have told so often, my mother had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so I was never treated properly by her. I never wanted anything to do with my partner's mother, gut feeling and all that. It seems that she has the same, we conclude from reading everything we can.

He also was trained to keep a low profile while she devoted her existence to her pose, however much it hurt him.

The difference between us is that he really believed her pose and what she was doing was the way things should be done. I never did.

The result is that I seem to be bringing up her child. Just like her, he has long ago bought the pose and is now, many years on, floundering about, paying for it.

The days of my trying to sort his money out are gone, that cost me too much in many ways and the days of having presents I didn't want, which I ended up paying for, are too.

Like his mother, he is a salesman's dream. Somebody sold him a kit of stuff to keep your headlights clean! That was my present once, after he borrowed the money to pay for it.

I don't ever say I like the look of something on an advertisement since I was bought a double CD out of the blue on the day he received two final demands. I have never played the CDs and I don't suppose he has paid off the final demands.

From a life of no affection and having to do things to help mummy he thinks that is what you do. The other day I deliberately sat reading the paper while he slaved away at the housework, revenge for past misdemeanours!

As I always had to make the best of things, I tried to do it for him as well. He took the p***, now he knows there is a greater force than his mother!

Sometimes I think we are a bit like Pearl and Howard in Summer Wine!

Wisechild. I forgot to say "Happy Birthday" yesterday. <3 I hope you managed to enjoy your day.

We don't buy each other anything for birthdays, just give a card and have a nice meal at home..............he cooks ;-)

We kiss and say I love you to each other every day......sometimes through gritted teeth admittedly, but it is spoken.

I get flowers every week, he used to do the same for Mum too.

If I had a husband like yours, we would not be together now............if you can't get a better life with him, maybe one of you needs to pack up and leave :-(

You are worth it <3

Well, yesterday morning (my birthday), no card or prezzie, not even a Happy Birthday.
When I asked him if it was too much trouble to wish me Happy Birthday, his answer was that he gave me flowers the day before......what more did I want.
At teatime he asked me if I wanted to go for a meal that evening (so gracious). I suggested the local Chinese because it´s cheap & cheerful, but he wiggled his way round it until we ended up going somewhere he wanted to go. On the way there we had an almighty row in the car & sat & glared at each other all evening.
If he had acknowledged my birthday, I would have said no to the meal because I´m only too aware that we don´t have money to spare, but under the circumstances I decided to be bloody minded.
I´ll probably suffer for it later in the month when he has spent all his pension.
The icing on the cake was when he came home yesterday with a new pair of trousers he had bought for himself. :-( :-( :-(

LOVE IT!!!!!!!

Personally, what he is doing is crass and insensitive and a form of bullying

He is dictating when you can celebrate your birthday etc.

Do the same to him,

Me, I would have left him long, long ago.

My ex-husband never bought me a birthday or christmas card - his excuse that as my birthday was so close to christmas it was hard to find a birthday card. So I would buy my own and he would sign them for me, so romantic.

The year before I left him that christmas eve, my card was still sitting there waiting to be signed, so I asked if he was going to sign it and he said yes later when he got back from the pub!!! So I promptly tore it into little pieces in front of him and told him he did not have to bother.

I also threw a dinner service on the concrete kitchen floor when I got home from working all night to find that the washing up from the previous evenings dinner was still sitting on the side, when he had promised me he would wash it all up. He did not have to wash that either!!!

AND YOU ARE NOT UNGRATEFUL. YOU DESERVE RESPECT FROM YOUR HUSBAND NOT THIS SHABBY TREATMENT.

It is particularly important to me that I get out sometimes. When OH had no work, we had a tank of diesel but no money to stop anywhere so he took me out for a drive, I let him decide where.

We live in West Sussex has some truly gorgeous places and I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the area.

So, where does he take me then?

Along the A27, up the A3 and back down the Petworth road, the one I drove every day when I was working and not having a very easy time of things.

Oh, how my spirits were lifted!

O how I agree with you Ann, you don't know how much you will miss them till their not there any more, I'd give my right arm to have him back again

To be honest .
you need to play tit fot tat.

Give him his card/present a couple of days early and something he doesn't want.

Just watch his reaction and say now you know how I feel when you give me my card/present early.

But I would have the biggest tantrum and weeping and wailing session I could.
Be a good actress.

Hi Bob. :-( :-) :-S :-D <3 ;-)

Is that a wind-up toy boy?Fred

or one with Batteries?

<3 <3 <3 <3 @AnnC

Get yourself a Toy Boy and bring some excitement into your life,
things start to go down hill if you get taken for granted to often. :-0 :-0 :-0


F.