General Chat

maybe this should tag on to the last thread ,,,and even though that thread is still alive and kicking This thread is probably going to be more about me and mother I think, but do please join in. Many of you made me feel so carefree over your previous comments.

Anyway Mother part 2 really starts from a week ago ....when after much nagging I told her to come to me for xmas . the van next to me will be empty etc etc
Tonight as promised I phoned her ..only to be told I will phone you back in 15
okkkkayyy
15mins later she phoned me back saying I suppose this is about Xmas and me not coming ,,,,,,,

NO *tries to work out what I have missed and who is with her" I said the phone call is as promsed that I would phone you each week

OK said mother then I will phone you back later ......end of call

wow I think, now I know there was somebody there with her.

Up in the bloody air again with her ....why oh why do I keep trying .

:-D

Uzzi , The reason you keep tryong is because she is your mother, We are from a generation who was taught about honour thy mother and father....no matter what.
The strange thing is that when ones, mother is no ;onger with us we seem to mostly remember the good times, even of they were few and far between.

You respect that without this person you would not be who you are.

Oh yes I did rant and rave when at home, I did tell my sisters "that is the last time", so often that they stopped listening.
So carry on in the knowledge that you are a very good and patient daughter.

I mis my mum every day.
:-)

I do not miss my mother even though she told me I would. Her funeral is one of my happiest memories along with the feeling that I would never see her again. I kept pinching myself to make sure it was really true.

Much of my life was wasted trying to live the concept that a girl's best friend is her mother. She was the person who did me the most unnecessary harm.

Most of my memories of her are not happy,there were very few things to remember. She has been dead nearly fifteen years now so don't think this is a knee jerk reaction in any way.

Sharron I do not miss mine and did not attend her funeral. No happy memories at all unfortunately.

Uzzi - we all seem to have a guilt complex re mothers and try our best to be a good daughter even though we do not have a 'good' mother. Take care both of you.

Uzzi, I know you promised your Dad you would look out for her but you don't have to invite your mother for Christmas if it will cause you stress and spoil your Christmas time. Leave it for now and see what happens, if she ends up with nowhere to stay then so be it, fate will have decided she shouldn't share your Christmas. The rude way she treats you when you phone or she phones you is so out of order so just back off and leave her to stew. She knows where to get you if there is an emergency and if I were you I would just ring next weekend if that's the usual time to call and act like the call this week was 'normal' You are going to stress yourself into an early grave at this rate, and then where will she be?

Hope the ankle is lots better now

Lizx

Pretend for a moment that you had not promised your dad and that your mother is just that woman in the butcher's or whatever.

Now, how reasonable does her behaviour toward you seem now?

She is exploiting her biological position. You are entitled to as much respect and consideration from her as anybody else is. Your dad did not want to commit you to some sort of obligatory purgatory.

Sharron is right

Just a quickie reply to those who have answered

Spanish Eyes ..lol I am a good and dutiful daughter pmsl well not exactly but out of 2 I am the only one who will stay intouch and care for her. I do understand that without her I wouldn't be what I am ...I could have been an architect :-D If she had her way I certainly wouldn't be living in Spain

Sharron and Chris ...If I pretended she was just her from the butcher shop then I would have run a mile by now ..or feel sorry for her for having such a wicked daughter lol ...Yes she is exploiting her biological position although I do often inform her that she choose to have me that does not give her the right to believe that I should look after her now. Believe me I have always said NO WAY do my parents move in on me ..that's why I live in a tin can :-D

Liz my lovely late night voice of reasoning, I know I didn't have to invite Mother for xmas (well she will be a tough old bird) but she wore me down and eventually I said yes you may come her BUT don't expect etc etc so the invite wasn't an invite but an agreement aslong as she puts up with my terms (yeah as if ) but I tried to make it sound horrible ...I don't go out OH works thro' the hols, dinner won't be tinsel and turkey etc.
But I did just cave in to her want and offered, maybe now I have and she can tell people "my daughter wants me there" she will go elsewhere.
This phone each week to make sure she is alive has only just started (yeah a week moment) but I am not sure how long it will last, as you say she knows where to find me. I will phone this week and I will treat it as just a check in call. lol without me she is totally alone.
By the way the ankle is getting there ..still having to wear that ruddy splint on and off, still giving more grief than Mother lol ..but hopefully I can get it fit soon ...it's back on the exercise bike now and I can make a 2K walk (with splint) the colour isn't great most times but the size is better ! Thankyou for asking

Ice baby Thanks for your thoughts

to all <3

IceBaby I am finding so much support from you all, and if my threads have given others support then i AM SO pleased.

I will admit that although I knew I wasn't alone I didn't realise how many more was out there. I was scared when I first put up that thread, expecting to be shouted down, or ignored, I'm not sure what but I didn't expect the thread to take off like it did. So Pleased that it did, happy that like can chat. Hope you are well.

We really do need to look after each other.

Ice Babe hun family can be great me and OH are a fantastic family, we love each other and support each other. (mind his mum is lovely) .

I love my GR family for the last 5 yrs they have been there for me and they have made my life lighted up instead of a sorry dark lane.
I love the fact that I can retreat when I need but still be understood when I come back ..and I always come back here.

Thankyou GR friends

Ice sweatheart my family is
my Mother
my hubby
GR

I have no other

actually thats not true as I am trying to contact my adopted uncle (who is my 3rd cuz) and is my mums adopted bruv ...Shame mother dear told them to "go away"

but family there is me him and you lot :-D

We are so used to being told we are wrong aren't we.

'Your poor mother. is a phrase that resounded in my ears through most of my life.

Another, was' Sharron is clever but she won't use it' Now that one really hurt. Sharron might have been clever but she was living in squalor for which she took the blame. Sharron had no praise whatsoever and went home daily to at least three hours of abuse being hurled at her.Sharron was sent to school in filthy clothes that came from jumble sales.

Sharron was pemanently bloody exhausted!

The family would really rather I kept all this to myself even now. They were able to tell themselves I was just difficult and I was trained to keep quiet about what went on indoors. It was more convenient for everybody that way.

So there!
Must have a little rest now.

Sharron you are strong ....

Sharron have a hug - feel it? It is a big cuddley one!!!

Uzzi, we are all strong.There was no other option.

When the old man dies I will have no next of kin. OH is not related to me.

His mother is also narcissistic but he is placid, or was broken, and assumed that he was living his life the way he should. It has taken twenty odd years to even get him to communicate.

I think I said somewhere before that he,who has a sister, did not know that women menstruated until he was 22 and made to look very silly.There is still a lot of fear in that man.

Ho Uzzi,

Narssistic people do not like being ignored - try it with your mum

I was told years ago - make yourself a door mat - and people will wipe their feet on you. I chucked the mat out - my loyal friends and family stayed!!!!

We got on a lot better in the latter part of her life.

Build some inner strength and not take on board what other people think or say

((((((((((( HUG ))))))))))))

Hello everyone but especially Uzzi.

You have had some truly delightful messages of support and understanding from your friends on here.

My mother could be very kind BUT she was unpredictable. We could be a very happy family in the morning and in the later part of the day she could tell us she was going to k... Herself. She even tried it several times and was hospitalised. She wanted us to stay as young children,. We had to do what she said we would do or else ..........

She had been very well educated, spoilt by her older brothers and sisters and her mother, grandad was in India with the Army.

However without her I would not be here, I would not have my two sisters etc.

My mother was normally with us for Christmas but then made the decision to go away instead, I had to send my husband to tell her...she most certainly did not approve but it broke the thread and that helped.

Later I realised that she was excellent with children under 5 but after that --------
when I needed her to believevsomething which has caused me terrible times in life, she chose to believe the lodger and not me, I was only 9, so continued to suffer with awful consequences.

BUT she was my mother and without her I would not be here, that is all I was trying to say.

Hope everyone is well,

Bridget

17.12 hrs Spain

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in my message,

Bridget :-)

Bridget we all have our parents to thank for us being here to 'tell the tale' but some are luckier than others in the draw for decent Mums and/or Dads. I am sorry you weren't believed by your Mother when you really should have been, and been supported. That's the worst betrayal and I can understand your hurt and sadness.

As you say tho, if not for them, we would not be here to have our try at life and also when lucky or have chosen, to have our kids and try and do better with them.

Mind you, partly due to lack of support from my parents when young and older, I failed my own son in many ways, and know it's affected him in the way he lives his life.

But my counsellor tells me often, there is no such thing as The Perfect Mother!

Hugs for all who need them,

Lizx

Liz, thank you for those kind words. It took me many years to learn that I had choices, I could say , " I am a victim " or I could say I WAS a victim" I chose the later.
I have not been a perfect mother, there is no such thing as a perfect person.

I still miss my mother for when she was good she was very good, and my children thought she was wonderful and they still miss her.

I tried therapy several times but it did not work for me, so I invented a pandoras box and placed my sad experience inside it, closed the lid and locked the box. I have the key so if I needed to I could go back, so far some 24 years on it has never needed to be revisited.

Have a happy day everyone


:-D :-D