General Chat

Marilyn she has world cruised since Jack died 15years ..until last year and that was nothing to do with me but more to do with her, so she missed a year and vowed no more because somebody had upset her, I did tell her not to be stupid and lol she is world cruising again.
I think her last year of not going on the cruise was a dig out at me I'll spend 6weeks with you in a crappy hotel and miss out on the service that I am used to.! so I said cruise Mum I don't want ya money spend it . Cruise away mum enjoy etc ..We actually had that convo "again" tonight when she said she was spending my money on a cruise ....and I said fine go for it. It's not my money.

Hi Uzzi,

You are funny ....I loved the latest saga ...just loved the world cruise bit !!

The caravan was a killer ..LOL

MD She must be fit for cruises they have a lot of steps to climb and planks to walk !

Oh dear Uzzi what's in her thinking ?

Marilyn xxxxx

Mother Dear

Well it's time to get back here. I phoned her tonight after mm 6weeks or so ago (just before I moved) the last convo we had she put the phone down on me saying I'll call you back! Well that has been forgotton about as I phoned her and she asked where had I been ?? here said me waiting on your call. But I have tried to phone you mmm Mum I only have a cell phone it tells me if I have missed calls. Well well
I gave up on that and said Mum don't worry about it I'm here now how are you
MD (mother Dear) I've been ill all this time
me Oh sorry to here what's been up
MD well my legs have been playing me up and deep depression
* I now feel guilty but read on*
So what have you been doing
MD You didn't book that caravan next to you did you
me .no not unless you say so
MD Because I'm going in the world cruise next year
me..Mum I am so pleased for you
MD By the way my doc says you shouldn't be next of kin as you don't live in the country.
Me having panic attack says who then
Md my Neighbour she's got your number and is here

I had to agree with this as mum gave me her number also and it's true I am not there.
So we convo'd about how things were Mum said she understood what I said about widows and single people as she was lonely especially as she didn't have her family around her.!!

Then she told me that she went to a ball last night and a party the night before and this do and that do and left me thinking
"eck mother you do more than I do which lie is the truth"
We also chatted about life and she admitted that she has no friends as I told her *ouch* I didn't mean that just that she spends 6mths away and other friends find full time friends, so she gets left out. But mum now says she understands this in some ways. but is hurt in others ..yea I understand that.
Then I got the blackmail bit ..the doc says her place is too big for her (its a 2 bed bungalow) and she thinks she needs to give it up (I agree she can go into sheltered housing and have money over from the sale) BUT she doesn't know how to pack up Jack ..Now Jack was my stepdad and I loved him to bits but I don't know what she would want to keep, but she also is using the you may want things of Jacks .....sh*t she is right but nothing I will ask her for and nothing she would realise that I want. She also kept everything from her 1st marriage so she has my childhood there.
So she thinks that by threatening to give everything away will get me back to the uk.

She's right in someways but she threatened this 3years ago and hasn't moved she threatened last year and is still there. this year she has paid for me to re-new my passport but has changed the threats.

Where do I go from here lol I will phone her next week as promised, and go from there I guess.

I found the worst part to be that I could tell nobody. First because I could not articulate the problem, it was not just one big problem but countless tiny things

The second reason was that nobody wanted to listen because it was "your mum" and she could never be wrong so it was practically blasphemous to listen.

I was just so pleased to find the narcissism article which vindicated me.

It is a secret form of child abuse which sosiety will not believe is being committed.

I didn't read Mother dear pt one, but wish I had after reading this. A few hours is all I can stand with my mum. God help were she to come stay with me.
Last night she phoned me to tell me how clever she has been. She worked out suddenly after having sky tv for years that by putting in three numbers it would take her to the channel she wants. She has been nagging us about the change over for a couple of years and we kept saying you are all set. Then she started to ring saying she can't get her channels. Of course she can, she just didn't turn on sky!
Going to visit her, my nephew said tell her I send my love. No way!! I'd get Huhh, sends his love he wants to bring it!!
I don't know none of the grandkids come, all we did for them. Well I could say, what? But wouldn't dare go there. She thinks she is so blo### perfect.
How lucky are those who have a family that brought them up in a home filled with cosy loving caring surrounds. My parents thought they did but I found it cold unloving and stressfull. But it was perfectly clean and tidy. Mum is fanatical about appearing to be a good house keeper, and having her girls looking perfect.

pmsl Uzzi, That woman knows how to push your buttons, but what a brilliant answer you gave her lol

It sounds a little worrying that she seemed to have forgotten the previous night's conversation tho.

have fun!

Lizx

lol LIz ...I took a quick break in membership over the weekend ! (card didn't work)

I haven't moved yet but due to move in the 1st September but.....a happy but I have the key

As for mother dear ..she phoned me on the 18th would you believe as tho' the previous call hadn't happened and said ..where have you been
me >>>I've been here sorting out my move etc
she >>>but you haven't phoned me when you said you would it's been over a month
me>>>> no Mum it's not been that long
she>>> so what have you been doing
me>>> I've been trying to check about OH's father being dead
she >>> oh ! and is he
me >>>yes
she >>> so what was that hotel you told me about because I can't find it.

I told her and said that I thought we had agreed that xmas was a no go time and she replied I know but I thought I would come out this coming week for a month

WHAT I am trying to move and can't spend the day to go and see her and she knows this I explained this all before that we could only spend a day with her each week ..but she thinks that as OH gets 2 days off he can take me up 1 day and fetch me next day ...boy oh boy has she really forgot that I am moving this next few weeks.

Anyway I told her mother don't you dare do that I need to move her reply but I am so depressed I wanted to come and see you
my reply ...fine Mum come and stay on the campsite and come and help me pack , you will be so busy you won't have time to be depressed plus bring your credit card because I won't be able to cook for awhile so it will be really nice for you to take me out. Thanks Mum

why I ask did she say she had to go and put the phone down???????

Good news then Uzzi, and hope she means it lol Wouldn't surprise you to hear differently nearer the time I guess, but you can always say Well you told me you were booking a cruise.

Hope she sticks to her plans this time tho and stays out of your hair lol

Have you moved yet ? I'm losing track of your plans and can't remember if it's imminent or you've done it!

Lizx

White Star Line?

Sounds good Uzzi. A good result.

Wend hun thankyou ..it sure sorts this year out and I'm happy to go year by year at the mo...

That sounds like the answer to all your prayers, Uzzi!!

Jig away babe and Happy Fluffing Christmas :-D :-D :-D

UPDATE UPDATE

Well my friends how proud you will be of me.

I did ignore mother dear for awhile, and then I phoned her and did suggest that coming to me for Xmas really was not a good idea as we had lives to lead that didn't include xmas, but she would surely be better off in a hotel with like minded people. I did say that if she was in a couple of hours drive from me (knowing where the saga hotels are) then I could come and see her one day each week, depending when OH was off not depending on her itinerary.
That call didn't end that well. so I left it and left it
Then tonight :-D mother dear phoned me and asked if I would mind if she went on a cruise over xmas as she doesn't think it's fair to put on me when OH is working so much. ...
YESSSSSS
Would not be happy with the way she has worded it which actually makes me sound bad but who cares she's happy I'm happy and merry fluffing xmas to all I hope <3

sorry for no response to people but I'm having a little jig ! :-D

My counsellor oftens goes through my successes with me and it does help, maybe that's what we should be concentrating on in the future. We have all done lots of good things to be proud of - Sharron I think your greatest success is the way you have kept your Dad going - he is determined to outlive you I think lol

Good idea about the box Bridget, and I am glad you can remember good things about your mother and that your children have good memories of her.

Take care all,

love
Lizxx

It seems we are all coming to terms. Isn't that so very sad?

Surely the childhoods and lives which they, after all, made us have, should not be something you have to come to terms with.

I am now at a stage where I have stopped feeling ashamed of my failures and begun to feel sad at what I could have achieved with proper support.

Liz, thank you for those kind words. It took me many years to learn that I had choices, I could say , " I am a victim " or I could say I WAS a victim" I chose the later.
I have not been a perfect mother, there is no such thing as a perfect person.

I still miss my mother for when she was good she was very good, and my children thought she was wonderful and they still miss her.

I tried therapy several times but it did not work for me, so I invented a pandoras box and placed my sad experience inside it, closed the lid and locked the box. I have the key so if I needed to I could go back, so far some 24 years on it has never needed to be revisited.

Have a happy day everyone


:-D :-D

Bridget we all have our parents to thank for us being here to 'tell the tale' but some are luckier than others in the draw for decent Mums and/or Dads. I am sorry you weren't believed by your Mother when you really should have been, and been supported. That's the worst betrayal and I can understand your hurt and sadness.

As you say tho, if not for them, we would not be here to have our try at life and also when lucky or have chosen, to have our kids and try and do better with them.

Mind you, partly due to lack of support from my parents when young and older, I failed my own son in many ways, and know it's affected him in the way he lives his life.

But my counsellor tells me often, there is no such thing as The Perfect Mother!

Hugs for all who need them,

Lizx

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in my message,

Bridget :-)

Hello everyone but especially Uzzi.

You have had some truly delightful messages of support and understanding from your friends on here.

My mother could be very kind BUT she was unpredictable. We could be a very happy family in the morning and in the later part of the day she could tell us she was going to k... Herself. She even tried it several times and was hospitalised. She wanted us to stay as young children,. We had to do what she said we would do or else ..........

She had been very well educated, spoilt by her older brothers and sisters and her mother, grandad was in India with the Army.

However without her I would not be here, I would not have my two sisters etc.

My mother was normally with us for Christmas but then made the decision to go away instead, I had to send my husband to tell her...she most certainly did not approve but it broke the thread and that helped.

Later I realised that she was excellent with children under 5 but after that --------
when I needed her to believevsomething which has caused me terrible times in life, she chose to believe the lodger and not me, I was only 9, so continued to suffer with awful consequences.

BUT she was my mother and without her I would not be here, that is all I was trying to say.

Hope everyone is well,

Bridget

17.12 hrs Spain

Ho Uzzi,

Narssistic people do not like being ignored - try it with your mum

I was told years ago - make yourself a door mat - and people will wipe their feet on you. I chucked the mat out - my loyal friends and family stayed!!!!

We got on a lot better in the latter part of her life.

Build some inner strength and not take on board what other people think or say

((((((((((( HUG ))))))))))))