General Chat

Today I have been reading the Trying To Find board and I am ashamed at the way a small minority of people 'speak' to new researchers. Yes it is a pain when they put up more than one thread or don't come back to check what others have done for them but there is no excuse for sarcasm, arrogance and being just plain rude to these people. When we try to help we do so because we want to. We know nothing about the person asking for help. They could be young, old, infirm and many other combination of things which make research difficult for them. Some people may live alone and hope that the internet will give them a bit of contact with the outside world - once they have mastered how to use it. For some this is no easy feat.

Mostly newbies say that they are new, they say that they don't know much about computers, GR etc but still I see remarks made on the thread to put them off for life.

I pm'd one such person with an offer of help, they said that they would never again go back on the boards to ask for help. This has also happened before. What a waste of a membership and we don't know just how difficult it was for that person to find the money to join in the first place.

PLEASE if you can't be civil and give your help with consideration to the person requesting it then don't give it at all

Wendy

some self appointed monitors do get my goat too!
I do try and am VERY aware of maybe live people who may not want their personal info posted BUT I am a very experienced researcher who is at Parish records on my own family but am more than happy to use whatever i can to help.
YES I have a mind AND can use what s MY judgement to post an answer to a query AND i dont need rapped knuckles !! on what I decide I want to post
SO THERE!!!

Shirley

If you read my post as a rapped knuckles post then you read it completely wrong.

I know from the the work I have seen you do for other people that you are an experienced researcher but this post is not about experience it is about manners and consideration for others.

Please do not assume things that I have not said.

Wendy

i can agree to this, i have had a few experiences which have nearly put me off using this sight, whilst feeling a bit silly after asking silly questions because i am unsure of what to do, i get someone tellling me like a naughty im a naughty school kid, i appreciate the help but if you dont want to do it , then dont bother i say, im sure noone was born with the knowledge of how to use genes reunited! so chill out !!!!!

I think maybe some people forget they are dealing with human beings and forget to be polite. I could understand it if they were forced to respond and do look ups, but if they find they get upset because people don't obey THEIR rules, why do they bother to do it.


People who don't re-visit their request threads and/or forget to say thank you in the way expected don't realise what they are doing. If it was gently pointed out to them how to check their thread that would be helpful but so often you see complaining threads and posts that are embarrassing for the person concerned.

Actually, Janet, I have just read them, all prepared to commisserate with you.

But I find I am unable to, as the rude person was yourself... not one thank you, when others had gone to a great deal of trouble to help you, and search for you.

And then you snapped at someone, who had looked up loads for you.

And here you are, complaining about her in a veiled way, that I find extremely vindictive and unpleasant. I have no idea who this poor lady is, I have never seen her name... but she went out of her way to help you, and this is all the thanks she gets. A very public denouncing.

Disgusting

Heh my observation was a observation only AND NOT directed at any individual

Thanks daff, saved me writing almost the same thing. Janet, I can't see anything on that thread that made me think anybody had been nasty to you at all. But I did find your reply quite rude.

I will go along with that Wendy!


EDIT:....my post is in answer to the initial posting.


Susan
x

Well maybe I have ventured into an unknown territory I was only speaking a general observation not to any specific gripe.
I have subs that are going to waste!! as I have found what I NEED on my own family sides(I have branched out as many have done through marriages)
Seems a pity that some self apppoineted monitors who have decided their own cut off point they want to say that the norm !!!!!!!!!!!
I decided for ME that births to 1930 would be OK and from them Marriages from aged 21 ie 1951 may also be OK BUT I reserve the right to use my own reasoning on what I think MAY be OK to post on an open site like Genes.

I agree with Shirley that it is a pity to have subscriptions go to waste when they could be used to help others. I have just renewed my 1911 sub for a year for this reason. This thread has nothing at all to do with information found for people, it is other unnecessary comments that upset people.

But I think it is an even bigger shame when someone decides not to return to the boards or ask for help because of the way they were 'spoken' to.
That is another waste of a subscription.

I am NOT a board monitor just someone who, as Shirley said, is making an observation and I just happen to think that good manners are not too much to ask for

Wendy

well Yes as Wendy says its pity that some who ask for help dont return to their thiread to read what may have been found,
I think its, or dont know, how the site works rather than ignorance, they think that GENES will tell them they have reply so sit thinking and hoping someone may be able to help!!!

I am SOOO enthused with MY FAMILY REASEARCH THAT I Have been DOING FOR TEN YEARS that I sometimes forget that others may not have the same enthusiasm!!
I will try to find family for others thats can pursue BUT in the overall scheme of things MY Research is MY family and any branches it takes

well if am guilty of one thing, it is that if i do not see a "please or similar" in a request for help, then i don't bother.I get fed up with seeing demands rather than a request from some people


Call me old fashioned, but good manners cost nothing.

I had loads of help when i first joined and i now try in my own small way to give back some of the help i was given, i cant hope to compete with some of the more knowledgeable folk on here, but i always say please and thank you for any info i am given.

Also i have been known to ask the poster that a" please" would not go amiss in their request.

Just my opinion as always

George

George

I agree there is no excuse for bad manners on either side.

Wendy

I was going to agree that there are definitely some oldies who are rather off-hand in their replies and I thought they have been unnecessarily rude. The person who annoyed me most doesn't post very often on GR any more. However I am an oldie, if you like, and I do try to help newbies if I can. But good manners are paramount. I always try to re-read everything I have written before I press send.

Of course newbies need to be polite and say thank-you to their helpers, too.

I too was pulled up for not checking my threads. I posted a query but did not think ( let alone expect) that someone would find what I was looking for within the hour. I kind of posted and it & thought I'd check back a few days later. The people who rushed to my aid were extremely knowledgeable and efficient. I had no idea that people scan the boards eagerly poised to follow up questions waiting to respond in record time.

Jane

can i just add,that i have been researching my family tree for about 4 yrs now,ive asked for help and ive given help in return,but about 12months ago i asked for some help from genes members,i was so excited at the info i was getting back(the 1911 census)that i got a bit mixed up,well you cant imagine the backlash i got,some horrible and sarcastic things were said to me,after trying to defend myself(with some help from some members) it was like getting thrown to the lions and i had no chance,i signed off and it was 9months before i had the courage to come on this genealogy forum again.x

Not pulled up Jane...........I just politely advised you that you had received replies and let you know how to find them. I feel sorry for newbies who don't know how the boards work because I was once in the same position. You didn't answer my message but I hope you found the info helpful. Cx.

I have been happy to help, mainly with advice, also with look ups, but am gradually deleting replies, going back many months, even years now, where the original poster has not returned.