General Chat

He was the greatest wasn't he.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

or

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."

and

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'

lol

pmsl

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'

'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'

'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '

'No, because he's really heavy'

A man goes to the Psychiatrists and the Psychiatrist says: 'What's the problem' The man says, 'I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac. 'The Psychiatrist says, 'Here take these tablets and if you're no better in a week' ..... 'Bring me a colour TV'.

Tommy Cooper: 'This is the moment that you have all been waiting for'
Audience: 'Applause'

Tommy Cooper 'Goodnight'!

the classic
i'd rather have a bottle in front of me , than a frontal lobotomy.
How true in his case
igor

very funny igor lol
what a great man he was

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says:
'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'.
I said: 'What for, Officer?'
He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says:
'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'.
I said 'What For?'.
He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.

I'm on a whisky diet,
i've lost three days already