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Tommy Cooper Jokes to make you smile

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 23:51

I'm on a whisky diet,
i've lost three days already

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 23:46

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says:
'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'.
I said: 'What for, Officer?'
He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says:
'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'.
I said 'What For?'.
He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 23:43

very funny igor lol
what a great man he was

igor

igor Report 17 Mar 2009 23:42

the classic
i'd rather have a bottle in front of me , than a frontal lobotomy.
How true in his case
igor

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 23:22

Tommy Cooper: 'This is the moment that you have all been waiting for'
Audience: 'Applause'

Tommy Cooper 'Goodnight'!

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 23:20

A man goes to the Psychiatrists and the Psychiatrist says: 'What's the problem' The man says, 'I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac. 'The Psychiatrist says, 'Here take these tablets and if you're no better in a week' ..... 'Bring me a colour TV'.

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 22:03

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'

'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'

'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '

'No, because he's really heavy'

me

me Report 17 Mar 2009 18:35

pmsl

Hoobity

Hoobity Report 17 Mar 2009 18:31

lol

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 18:28

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'

Hoobity

Hoobity Report 17 Mar 2009 18:23

and

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.

Hoobity

Hoobity Report 17 Mar 2009 18:21

or

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."

Hoobity

Hoobity Report 17 Mar 2009 18:17

He was the greatest wasn't he.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 18:13

lol like that one Hoobity

Hoobity

Hoobity Report 17 Mar 2009 18:08

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on
it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 18:01


So I went to the dentist.

He said 'Say Aaah.'

I said 'Why?'

He said 'My dog's died.'

me

me Report 17 Mar 2009 17:55

'So I said to the doctor'. ' People keep taking the Mickey out of me because I keep thinking I'm a cricket ball. 'The doctor said 'Howzat?' I said, 'don't you start'.

Wenders

Wenders Report 17 Mar 2009 17:54

went to the doctor and said it hurts when i do this he said dont do that then

me

me Report 17 Mar 2009 17:54

I was in the attic the other day with the wife. Damp and dusty.........but she's great with the kids!

me

me Report 17 Mar 2009 17:52

'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. 'So that was nice.'

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