General Chat

Dear all,

I'm sure i am not alone in this...

I have found certain members of GR to be extermely rude and unhelpful. If you are not even willing to be polite don't bother replying to messages!!!

One person in particular keeps insisting on being unhelpful and rude! What they fail to remember is that some people are only just starting out with research and therefore may not ask the right questions so to speak; however this does not give them the right to be rude or nasty! If you are rude once more i will contact GR and ask for your removal!

Claire

If you feel they have been rude, why dont you send them a polite pm telling them so ?

Good on you Claire, I was always told that rudeness is because people are ignorant. Which I know to be the fact in a couple of instances in some inlaws I had.

Mo

Luckily, unhelpful and/or rude people are very much in the minority on here.
I am overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity shown on these boards by complete strangers, willing to give up a lot of their time for free.

Unfortunately there are always the few who can spoil things. It's a sad fact of life.
Please don't let it spoil your enjoyment of these boards.


K

I agree with Karen,there are more helpful and kind members than rude.
Ignore them or better still block.
Good luck in your searches and all the best for 2009
Mau xx

Hi all

I for one have been afraid to say anything because two wrongs dont make a right, having said that, I do agree there was a very thin thread of rudeness and that seems to have wained, peeps need to understand there are first timer users and it can be confusing until you find your feet.

I can also understand people ask for help, but dont give enough info or dont stay by the computers to see replies.

Happy Tree Hunting

Valerie x

depends really on what you think consistutes rude in a great deal of cases.

Those of us that tend to hang out looking for things for people tend to put shorted ( or more consise ) relies that perhaps those that chat on chatty threads.

You'd perhaps consider a comment like

1)''Fathers name/mothers name
born where?
born when?''

is rude - I dont think it is!

Perhaps you'd rather see

2) ''perhaps you'd tell us his fathers name if you know it. do you know mothers name too or the names of his/hers siblings? Where was he born ? can you give us an estimate if you dont know ''

How long does it take to type reply 1)?
How long does it take to type reply 2)

They both say the same, and reply 1) can be asked of perhaps 4 'requesters' in the same time.

Contrary to common belief , when people reply to threads they ARE trying to help you.........and probably many others at the same time

I think when people are being asked to supply more info. It won't hurt to prefix the question with "Please supply". It's common curtesy.

Also writing sentances in all capitals, looks as though they're SHOUTING.

I understand the frustration with the number of requests on the boards, that occur with little info provided. But this frustration seems to come to the surface in some of the replies.

I know Susan reguarly nudges up a thread for people asking for help & the info they need to supply. But this just gets swamped with all of the new postings that occur each day. This info would be much better viewed as permanent feature , as an information article in the list of the boards. Or if her posting was stickied.

Regards,
Steve.

I am answering this with some trepidation. I have experienced rudeness personally, but not so much now. Perhaps I do not notice it so much now, to my self, because I have got used to the format of the written word on here. However, to those who are new, yes it can be off putting,and to a degree it does still happen. Please don't forget, when someone is new, they think they know what they are asking for,because they know what they want to know. But to those doing the research for them, it may come across in somewhat like double dutch way, then they have to ask the obvious, which may come across as abit blunt, rather than actually rude.
Having said all of that,I have had some wonderful help on here, some lovely conversations with people, shared their illnesses and family troubles, advice and recipes.
For £9.99 per six months, it is a better friendship than putting on your coat, getting cold and walking up theHigh Street looking for someone just to have a natter. That is if you are able to get outdoors.
God Bless and Seasons Greetings to you all
Julia in Derbyshire

I completely agree with you Claire.

I know the people that supply info and look for info on behalf of others do it because they want to, not because they have to, but sometimes they get so easily frustrated.

I'm relatively new to this and don't understand how alot of things work on here and elsewhere. And I will hold my hand up and say that I have forgotten to check on my own threads after a few days, simply because I've forgotten about them

Researching your family tree can be exciting and frustrating at the same time.

I don't think anyone on here intends to annoy the people trying to help them by not providing the right information, or all the info they've already got, and then not respond.

I have been very fortunate in that all the people I;ve come into contact on here have been very helpful and encouraging, but to re-iterate Karen's point, don't let just a few spoil it for you!

When you start your message, tell them you are new,
try to stay at your computer to answer any questions, as most requests are answered in a couple of minutes.

In the real world please and thankyou arent used much either, and behind the anonimity of cyberspace people are ruder than they would be face to face.Compared to some sites this one is quite sedate!

And on the other hand, what about the rudeness of some people who ask for help and when they receive it do not even acknowledge the reply let alone say thank you?

Good thought on browser crashes, Island. Every now and then, for no obvious reason Firefox hangs on me.

So every time, I have to "Force Quit" on my Mac, then - because I have cleared the cookies (someone on here suggested it might stop Firefox hanging so I'm experimenting) - I reopen Firefox and it asks if I want to start a new session or go to my previously opened page and because I have cleared the cookies, I have to put my password in again!

Plus you've got the dog wanting to be let out, people coming to the door, phone calls etc. (I think you can have more than one user with the same screen name on here, though - I'm sure there's at least one other Kate who isn't me.)

..or dont bother to respond, when asked a Q in order to clarify what they have asked.

Not reading your own Q before you post it, so that the info you supply is ( quite frankly) silly.

BTW
How far back in a tree can you be before you said to be ''new''?
What is it you are new to ? forums?

( I saw what i believe to have been the thread to which Clare is refering - since deleted )

I think a lot of the "rudeness" may just be when people respond quickly with a bit of info or to ask a question.

Although - as one who helps out on a regular/semi-regular basis - I do occasionally get frustrated at the number of people who ask for lookups which they could so easily do themselves. Places like Familysearch and FreeBMD are free and very easy to use. I do point some posters in those directions and try to encourage them to look for themselves. I suppose that might be seen as being rude - but it's not intended to be!

I also wonder why a lot more of the newbies don't pop to their library and borrow one of the many many books available on family history and at least read the basics before they ask some questions ... although maybe that's just me!!

Jill

A lot of perceived 'rudeness' is down to the fact that typing into and reading from the computer does not allow for body language. There have been many discussions on this but newer members may not be aware. What can seem rude on here would just be considered brusque or abrupt in the real world. The perceived rudeness is people answering with a short sentence, a yes no answer or maybe not being effusively polite with please and thank you. But that is because this is a chat board format, so is treated like speech, not like the written word. it is six of one and half a dozen of the other. There are those who ask abruptly and those who reply abruptly, but aren't we lucky to have somewhere where we can get answers for free to our many questions? Quite honestly i don't mind how short the answer is if somebody has come up with the answer that helps knock down a few bricks.

If you know you are not going to hang around for the answer it does help to say so then the person looking can help somebody else instead of waiting for clarification to your question. and it is always preferable to say thank you for the result, after all people are giving up their time and sometimes spending their money to help.

I would like to say thank you to all those people who have helped me over the past year.

Incidentally wouldn't this be better on the Tips or records board?

Just checking membership number and surely with such a low number Claire you are not a newby?

ann
Glos

I don't think your membership number tells the whole tale. I have been a member for 5 years but only regularly used these boards since about March.

Also, we are not all as computer literate as others which can make a difference. I'd never heard of freebmd etc. till I came on here.

I don't do lookups, but try to help those who seem a bit stuck and, more often than not, they simply hadn't realised that replies can come back so quickly or they've gone away and waited for a personal email to show up as with other sites. They've always been very grateful when I've pointed out what actually happens.

I met another member last week who told me she was quite wary about posting on here because some members are so snappy. Having said that, I'm getting used to things and think there are some brilliant folk helping out. Well done all.

Anne in Gloss,

Perfect Explanation ...

I have just received a rather unpleasant message from a member on Trying to Find - she has posted three identical threads all looking for the same people - lots of feedback for her but no acknowledgement to anyone as yet - when it was discovered she had three threads on the go EvieBeavie sent her a message explaining how to do things in great detail - no reply. I sent her a message asking her could she tell me why she had three threads on the go all for the same family, causing people to do research on all three threads. The reply I received just now was not nice at all - she accused me of being paranoid and throwing my toys out of the pram!!!! One person I shall not be helping again for sure

Hey! Perhaps we should have a 'name and shame' board. That way regular helpers know who to avoid.