General Chat

Is there anyone who has had children when they have been 40+? Would like to know your experiences and thoughts please. Am having a dilemma at present. Would love to have another baby but is 44 too old!!

Jackie

mum was 41 when she had the youngest in our family. whats another 3 years if thats what you want.

Shirley

Its a personal choice now days,,lots of new mums at 40+.,,,.health care in this area is far better than it has ever been,,

I think really that it is all down to whether your body and mind can cope with having another child at the age you are.

I know at 37 I wouldnt want anymore children but thats my personal choice.

Maybe you should see your doctor and have a health check and a chat he may be able to give you some points to think on as well.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I was 41 when I had my daughter in 1984, had two sons aged 12 and 13 at the time. Was much more relaxed 3rd time around. Only thing that worried me was being mistaken for her nan at he school gates!!
Only happened once and I think the other person was more embarresed than me!!

My daughter and myself are pretty close and her friends find it easier to talk to me about their problems than their own (much younger) mums.

Don't get me wrong we have had our problems (some ongoing) with her but don't think it is to do with my age.

She is one untidy baggage and makes more mess than her two brothers did put together and they were messy.

She is my shineing star and Iights up my life.

Libby

Go see your doctor who will explain any age related risks and the tests & possible outcomes which you will be offered should you become pregnant..

Follow your hearts, each pregnancy is different, as is peoples experiences...there is good & bad in both

Good luck to the pair of you

E x

I had my daughter at 40.

My other two children were 18 and 16 at the time.

It's the best thing I've ever done - so much better as an older mum.

Never been mistaken as her gran - it's too common these days for people to think that.

If you're going to do it you HAVE to do it NOW. The next year or so are VITAL to your fertility.

You'll never regret it!!

Jackie,I ws 38 when i had my last one.Would not be without her now.One sister in law got married again and had nother 2 children one when she was 42 and the other at 43.My other sister in lw who could not have children produced one on her 41st birthday and the second one when she was 43.Nothing wrong with any of the pregnancys and nothing wrong with any of the children. Annie

My Mum was 43 when I was born - I was a much wanted only child. Yes, some kids at school used to think she was my nan but it didn't bother me! Sadly passed away now but I am glad I had an older mum who brought me up with traditional values, even if I thought they were old fashioned at the time!

If you would love another baby and are fit and well then don't let age put you off!

Thanks for your replies. I have two daughters aged 25 and 14 and a granddaughter aged 3. My eldest is disgusted that I should think about having another child now, which would be younger than my granddaughter. Malc and I have talked about this so much and feel we would both like to have another one. Unfortunately he had the "snip" 4 years ago and so needs to get a reversal first!! It guess the doctors is the next port of call to get the pros and cons!!

Thanks

Jackie

We had our 4th when I was 44.............a surprise and 14 year age gap between her and daughter number 3.

She is actually only 3 months older than our eldest grandchild.

We have never had a moments regret..............as for your other children, it is your decision to make, not theirs and if and when they do have a baby brother or sister, they will be thrilled" :))))))

By the way, my sister is 4 years older than one of our aunties and it hasn't ever been an issue................more a family joke:))

On Sunday I was given a beautiful 32 weeks scan of my nephew's partner's baby.... Babe's parents are both 46 , ...going on 28...Lol
They have had lots of scans, tests and attention and all seems to be well.
We are delighted for them. They can hardly believe they are going to be parents at last, but we are all looking forward to late September now.

I know someone who was a late Mum. She has older children and now 2 lovely children from her second marriage. The last was born just the day before she was 48. They are often out and about as a family.
Some parents seem old at 30, others are young at heart and able to cope much longer.
As long as medical advice isn't against it, don't let age put you off.

Gwyn

Thank you for your comment Margaret. I would not have a child if I couldn't feed it or look after it properly. Perhaps those comments would be better aimed at those in Third World countries, who cant eat properly, have no clean water, are so ill they cant move and look after their children, but are still churning them out at an alarming rate.

Margaret

I respect you have a differing opinion, but maybe it could have been put accross in a less hostile way ?

quote

"I think we should all be limited to one child, then maybe there will be enough food to go round and no more starving children"

I have two children, If we would be limited to one child then my 9 year old daughter wouldn't exist.

China has a limit to one child per family...look at the abandoned kids in their orphanages., yes they are fed and watered..but love ?...from what ive seen there is little of it going around...and most of those unwanted are unwanted girls, given up so the parent can go on to try for a boy...or a second unplanned pregnancy the parents just cant keep.

Can I ask if you have children Margaret ?
or if your close family have more than one child ?

How would you feel if you & yours were restricted to one child but fell pregnant again despite using contraception ?

The outcome would be awful for all concerned..

Margaret................the sad fact is that this entire world could actually produce more than enough food and clean water for everyone.............but some countries are run by leaders hungry for power and this means entire nations have thousands dying for lack of both these things.

My mum was 20 days of her 43rd birthday when I was born but I was nearly 37 when had my youngest

I think you should go to your doctor first and foremost, as if Malc needs a reversal, it may not be possible on the nhs due to your ages and the fact you already have several children between you. I know of someone in a similar situation and they were told they would have to pay for the reversal which might not work anyway. If that hurdle can be jumped, then you have to strongly consider the facts - you could have a baby with Down's syndrome, as the risks get higher as you get older - who would look after that child/young person as you get older? Probably not your children if they have families of their own and aren't keen on having more brothers or sisters.
Just trying to put the worst case scenarios to you. My friend in America had her first child at 46 but her husband is 16 yrs younger than she, so was a bit different but at 55, she is struggling now with the menopause and a 9 year old son and a husband who has started an affair. Not saying this would happen to you but she isn't finding things easy and I know you Malc have had lots of health problems which won't disappear with the birth of a baby.
You have to think this over from every angle. If you do decide to go ahead, supposing the reversal works and that won't happen overnight so will be at least another year on before things happen, then you must get yourselves both as healthy as possible, no smoking or drinking and folic acid in your diet weeks before trying to conceive, to ensure as good a chance as possible for the baby to develop well.
I have to say I wished when I first met o.h. I could have had another child then, as he did, but even without our problems now, my health has deteriorated so much that I would have struggled to look after a child so glad it didn't go further than talking about it.
Big, big decision, doctor will advise you best.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Are you back to work now Malc, or being a house husband?
Lizx

Forgot to say, I had my son at 35 and that was hard work sometimes! Especially when he became a teenager as I had less mental energy to cope well and my depression came back with a bang!

Just a little thought.My parents were in their thirties when I was born.They had both been born to parents in their forties.
From the age of six I had no grandparents.

My parents were in their early and mid thirties when I was born so I only had one grandmother left and no grandfathers, but as she lived miles away I hardly saw her and didn't really get to know her.
Similarly, with my son, he had my Dad around till he was 7 and my Mum died when he was 12. His grandfather in Malta died before he was born so he too only has one grandmother and she is in Malta so he has only seen her a few times, she is now coming up to 81 and doesn't travel further than across the island.
Lizx

Though i wasn't 40+ when i had my last one i was nearly 38.....If i could of, i would of carried on lol