General Chat

Thank you for all your replies. I noticed that some of them had been removed before I had had a chance to read them. Malc and I have considered everything so carefully and talked it through with our respective families too. We have an appt this week at the Drs and will rely on their professional advice as to whether to go ahead. If we are able to, that would be wonderful, if not, we count ourselves very lucky that we have 6 children between us from our previous marriages.

Jackie

your choice i was like you my oldest nearly 18 then 17 15 and yes i had another who is nearly 2 but my god i wouldnt be without her but sleepless nights all the usual im 39 and so bloody tired not the same this time around i would really give it some thought its bloody hard regards angela.

i was 43 when my last baby was born, pm me if you want to ask any questions..will help if i can xx

I would love my Son and Dil to have a child.
They are in early forties and they think it's too late for them now (neither of them has any children,) but they still live in hope.

As long as you have more love to give Jackie and Malc.it's entirely up to yourselves.

I was 37 when I had my "late lamb". I already had three aged 17, 15 and 11. It wasn't a planned pregnancy. He is now 17 and has done us proud by doing well in his exams and achieving the place he wanted in Uni. I love him to bits and wouldn't want to be without him.
There are pros and cons of having a child late.
On the positive side I found I was better able to cope with rearing a child. I had much more tolerance and patience than I did with with my previous kids. He got our undivided attention and benifited from this as he developed into a confident reliable and steady young man and no..........he isn't spoilt. I had great help from the other kids who thought this was a great novelty, except for the 17 year old who moved out.(Don't know if this was a positive or negative.......lol)
On the negative side, you are less energetic and tire easily. I can remember falling asleep on the sofa every evening. You are tied for the next 16-18 years, ( I know I'm being selfish but I wouldn't even have a dog now).
The issue of grandparents is irrelevant. I never knew either of my grandfathers as they were both dead before I was born, one dying aged 62 and the other 58. My own father died aged 52.
All of this it is all totally irrelevant if your doctor thinks it is not viable, so you had better get a move on and get the advise you need...........Good luck whatever you decide

A friend of mine had her only child at 46 without a hitch. She said the worse thing was the night feeds (but I think they are a nightmare at any age)

Good luck

im a young parent but i see no reason what so ever why a child can not have an older parent... age is just a number that just goes up instead of down... your as young as you feel..... i hope that it all goes well for you, and you do whats right for you and you oh.... good luck in whatever you decide....xx

Margaret

Jackie & Malc want to start another family of their own in their forties !

They are not in the minority either. Many people in second or third relationships in this age group yearn for a child within their new family unit

Back to the subject of unwanted underfed children

Have you not considered adopting or fostering one such child, as you have no children of your own ?

Seeing your feelings are so strong on the subject of unwanted kids :o))

My Mother had her sixth child when she was 46. This was over 50 years ago and I don't think there were any tests etc then. He was healthy, beautiful, much loved and she said it was the easiest delivery of all! Good luck in whatever you decide. There are no hard and fast rules in this life:-) BC XX

Sandie, I was not making a big thing about the grandparents, merely commenting as someone else had done.
I think I made far more valid points which you seem to have ignored!
The most relevant point is the reversal situation, if that can't go ahead there is really nothing else to say as I think Malc and Jackie want a child between them and not get involved any deeper with ivf or similar action.
Liz

Oh ha ha Margaret!!!!

How can you possibly state that she's 'Too Old'?

She's not suggesting IVF, she's talking about having a child NATURALLY - that means she's capable of bearing children herself - ergo she cannot possibly be 'Too Old'!!!!

Thank goodness there are sensible people in this world who don't condemn people for their age, never mind their capabilities.

Brian, that's the kind of thing that has to be considered.
Your Mum must have been wonderful to carry on caring for your brother all those years and lovely for them both that you can continue the care. It is a big responsibility and altho your children would probably do their best, as you say it wouldn't really be fair to expect them to carry on the care, if you were no longer able to do it.
Although you would never say so, I suspect you have sometimes thought that a life without the tie of someone to care for would be nice, and it is commendable that you have not put your Mum or your brother into care homes. Being a carer restricts the things you can do at a time when you might have liked to be freer.
It's a big responsibility to carry and I wish you the strength to continue as long as necessary.

Lizx

Hurry Jackie&Malc,,,

a reversal op if sucessful can take up to 6 months or longer to get to a high enough count,,,!!

Follow your heart....

I had my eldest when I was 17 and my 6th and last when I was a month shy of 34.

My parents were both relatively young parents too, my dad being 26 when I was born, however he died very unexpectedly when he was 52, he only met 4 of his now 9 grandchildren. So lack or loss of grandparents should not be an issue.

These days Downs Syndrome and other chomasomal abnormalities are not as closeted as they were many years ago. We are much more knowledgeable and accepting in society. Many children who have Downs attend normal school. Anyway, yes you have a higher risk than a younger mother, but then you have more chance of having a ''normal'' baby than one with Downs syndrome.

Good luck what ever you decide but get to your GP quick, especially as Malc needs a reversal.


love Theresa

If it's what you both really want & you get the all clear medically go for it.
Mum was 40 when she had me (all those years ago before tests!!) & my Sis was 40+ when she had my nephew.
Wish you both all the best. :)

Mum was a month shy of her 39th birthday and 7 months pregnant
when my sister was born by caesarian section.. A complicated pregnancy which from five months pregnant had Mum in hospital until my sister had to be delivered two months later. I had just turned 18 a couple of months earlier and was living with my Granny in another province. My brothers were 8 and 15 years old. I fell in love with those big blue eyes, now grey ...lol.. Her children are like grandchildren to me.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of resentment between my brothers and sister as our brothers felt neglected. Both were at an age when they needed Mum. I have to confess that Mum was totally besotted with Lee and the two of them have always had a special bond.

Do whatever makes you both happy!

Lindy ;))))))))))))))))

Your decision, it sounds as if you are going into it with your eyes open.

Liz (Purple Diamond) rightly mentions the higher risks of handicap with age. Are you prepared to look at a termination if tests prove positive?

My MIL had her last child at 44 and he is Downs.
She looked after him until she was 85.

They are now both with us and we will look after him as long as we are able, but he is 20 years younger than us and could conceivably outlive us both: what then?
We can hardly pass that responsibility on to our children. Would you expect to pass it to your existing ones?

Though i wasn't 40+ when i had my last one i was nearly 38.....If i could of, i would of carried on lol

My parents were in their early and mid thirties when I was born so I only had one grandmother left and no grandfathers, but as she lived miles away I hardly saw her and didn't really get to know her.
Similarly, with my son, he had my Dad around till he was 7 and my Mum died when he was 12. His grandfather in Malta died before he was born so he too only has one grandmother and she is in Malta so he has only seen her a few times, she is now coming up to 81 and doesn't travel further than across the island.
Lizx

Just a little thought.My parents were in their thirties when I was born.They had both been born to parents in their forties.
From the age of six I had no grandparents.