General Chat

This is a very hard one I know. My brother fell out with my Dad and moved so far away without telling us (his sisters) where he hd gone. The next I knew he had died sudenly aged 58, I missed so many years with him, I wished I had tried harder. One of my sisters knew where he was and had contact, but would not tell me where he lived. Now it is too late.
You do what your heart tells you to, I know I tried and failed, and perhaps you have done your best and it is up to them. Wahtever your decision, I wish you well.

In the past there have been traumas in my close family a generation or so ago.

People couldn't exactly forgive and forget but people do change over time.

I don't want to go into details but bridges were built and different relationships formed.

I think I'd write that letter as suggested. I'd add the apology worded something like "I regret any hurt that may have been caused".

It might be a good idea to meet on neutral territory. A meal out perhaps or an invitation to join a family outing.

I do hope that things get sorted but ultimately if they don't respond then you've done your best.

Sue
x

From an "oldie" - I'm 67. There's nowt you can do about the sad situation. Life is too short to suffer because of a parent's lack of love, compassion etc. Leave them to wallow in their misery, they might come around but I doubt it. You tried hard enough to remedy the situation. Like Ena Sharples once said a very long time ago "There's nowt so queer as folk"

Julie,
Thinking of you and how you are feeling.
Sue

Hi Julie - how are you today? Have you managed to write that letter yet? Have been thinking about you a lot and how yu must be suffering - do hope it all get's resolved soon for everyone's sake

Much love, Ann XX

I have just phone ny ex brother in law. He was invited on Friday to the party and attended. He had noted my absence and was flabberghasted to find that I had not been invited. His opinion is that I would be right to walk away and get on with my own life. If my siblings can not respect how I feel then it is up to them to live with the outcome.

At the end of the day, I think he has summed up my own thoughts.

That's good news, Kitty :-) x

I don't understand it either Mandy.

We fell out with one of our daughters once and worked incredibly hard to put things right again, we did it and have put it all behind us.............other people just seem to cling onto past hurts and not let them go so they can move on...........very very sad isn't it.

xx

Hi Julie

It always amazes me how parents can cut a child off for any reason, let alone a minor understanding. It has happened to someone close to me and although he has approached his mother several times, even apologising when it wasn't his fault, she won't speak to him.

You have been given some very good advice and I agree that you should write a letter to your parents, copying it to each of your siblings too. I hate the thought of parents and children not speaking but in some cases, sadly there comes a time when you can't do any more and have to focus on the people that love you.

Hope it turns out well for you,
Mandy x

structure has to be in place before bridges can be built,, at both ends and work on things that can be changed rather than what cant,,,,,,,,,,input cant be all one sided either ,,so commitment is needed from everyone,

hey Taff - could I perhaps be a surrogate mother in law to you?

thanks for that Taff - always here if needed. I had a rotten mother in law and decided that whoever I got as a daughter in law I would be kind to her - no problem however as she is the best - love her to bits - not one single thing about her that I don't like

I agree that I should be in contact for more than just duty. I would not like to think that my son would ever feel the same way towards me. For all the hurt there is still a part of them in my heart and it is for this reason I was prepared to let things be. But with recent events that is diminishing every day.
If duty and respect are called for, should it not be both ways.
If I had been treated in the same way by anyone other than my family I would have immediatly said to hell with them. The saying is "Blood is always thicker than water"

MIL = Mother in law

Thanks to you all. I think I will give at a try. I am lucky in the fact that my husband and son do not feel that they are being betrayed my actions and the last thing I want is for them to feel that they are to blame for any outcome.

What is my M.I.L?

Another thought......................it shouldn't be a duty to have a good relationship with your family, it should either happen naturally or accepted that as adults, we all have a right to happiness with or without our parents and siblings.

Your immediate family now are your husband and children..................who love you to bits :))

xx

Julie, you have been given very sound advice ,I would adhere to it, if I were you!
Best of luck
xxxxx

Ann, why couldnt you have been my M.I.L?

Sound advice from the others babe,

You do need your sibling to know you have tried hard to get things back to normal.

Good luck sweetheart

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Jan x

Good luck with the letter.................I think it's the best way too and if all your siblings receive a copy there is no room for further misunderstandings.

xx