General Chat

.Mo put your coffee down first lol

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely
ugly
man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on!

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.


The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you or all of eternity?"


The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"


Usual apologies.
this was from Julie,


xx
:0))))))))))

The annual Darwin Awards arrive again!!!
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious Winner:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was
approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash
he got from the drawer:
$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher They put him
in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.

****** A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever
had.


Apologies to anyone offended by these
Once again no offence intended

xx
:0)

Morning Mo
You off to work then
Have a good one
xx
:0)

good morning everyone have a great day.

You too Irishgirl
xx
:0)

Catch you later Mo
xx
:0)

Usually cos I've slept for a couple of hours lol
xx
:0)

morning all thanks for my morning laugh clueless.

It's either get up or
toss n turn in bed
I can get a lot of work
done now then have the
rest of the day free
lol
xx

getting ready for w--k ,finish at twelve today so not to bad.

Morning Martin
I see you had trouble sleeping too
xx

See you later Mo
have a good one
xx

yes some days find it hard to stay asleep, then equally find it hard to stay awake seems like you cant win.

know exactly what you mean Martin
can be a pain in the butt sometimes lol
xx

right it;s shower time, see you all later x

ok who deleted?
xx

pmsl pmsl pmsl Fi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just what I needed this morning!!

Thank you.

Laura.
xx

Morning Clueless,morning Laura

Morning Whirley.