General Chat

pmsl Lil...Lovely to see you, problems wiv fiancy an' all!!

Love

Daff xxx

Dera Auntie M,

I am so lost is it possible to fit a person with sat nav? If so where do I go?

regards Dame.

Dear Aunty Marge,

We haven’t conversed for a while as I sent my oh out to get a round tuit and after a very long time he came back with a square one ( men! They never get anything right )!. He said he would go and get another and I have been looking for him since. Maybe he has gone to help the little old lady who said she would have the cat. I need to find him as the cat must have escaped and is back here with me. This brings me to my next problem which I hope you will be able to help me with.

The cat is taking typing lessons now but is wanting to type at the same time as myself. This is causing problems as I cannot drink my tea without spilling it on the key board.
I am also worried that, as she is not allowed out yet, she may be writing to other cats on the internet while I am asleep and inviting them here while I am out. Some are even singing love songs to her late at night outside the house and I am having trouble sleeping. I am not sure but think one of them may have a violin, but has not learned to play it properly yet.

She has other problems including climbing up walls and deliberately tripping me up so that I hit my head on the door and tread in the litter tray. I have made her an appointment at the psycaterists but wondered if you may have some advice for me as it is a well know fact that the appointment may not come through in time to save my sanity ( or curtains/carpets/legs/arms/face etc ).

On the subject of my new found Fiancy

Should I believe him when he says he is RICH!!!....If so.I am willing to forgive his lies to me about how many kids he has. It transpires he has more than he first stated. Taking them to the swings and teaching them propah English like wot I talk, will be a lot harder than I at first thought.

Will eagerly await your reply as I am also willing to forget the round tuit and put the cat in boarding school, where she will be able to learn to type and perhaps also a smattering of French ….they may also teach her about birth control as I think that is the done thing these days. This will leave me free to hop on a plane to Oz to see if me new found fiancy is behaving himself with the ladies and not spending any more of me new found wealth that he assures me he has.


Me new Found Fiancy also assures me I can buy a new computer when I get there, it is called a Typewriter which I have only vaguely heard of, so it must be a new innovation and will enable me to write battier. I hope it has good email facilities and wireless connections as I feel I will then be able to send my problems directly to your newspaper column from Oz and the bush hotspots he talks about.

I also promise only to write to you 50 times a week instead of the usual 200, as me new found wealth may take up a bit of me time…..I have been assured there are many shops in the Mall in the bush of Oz and will be allowed out on my own to discover them all. I have also been assured that I will be transported to the middle of the bush shopping centre and left there for as long as is necessary, which I feel is very kind of my new found Fiancy. So kind that he has promised to look after the bulk of my ancestor’s fortune when I receive it. He assures me that he will invest it well but may need to go away for a while to find the best place to put it. In the mean time he says I can wander around the Bush shops for as long as I want.

Anxiously awaiting your reply whilst mopping tea from key board and applying more savlon to hands


PS
Only you can help me so have ignored restraining order as I know you must be kind and considerate really as you have helped many others with their problems and feel sure you will write back when you are able. I understand that you are away at the moment but restlessly await your return before the plane ticket expires.


PPS pease excuse grammah an spellin etc as cat helped write most of this with wet paws.
Was also written in a rush expectin to get it ready for a New Look site which was promised to be ready soon ( hmmmm! thought they sold clothes )…..still waiting, but need to apply more savlon and keyboard getting slippery so will leave as is.


Worried from outside New Look

Hya Jet, just having silly moments, good for the wrinkles ( not that I have any mind you ) They have gone flitting around somewhere

hello all hi fag ash how are ys? jet:)

wmsl Purple, It's an agony column not a radio show! you can't shout through a paper......Ok Ok I take that back.....done it often lol

Oh dear, Lil, he does seem the flighty sort, love em and leave em!

I was glad to get back on here Michael, the computer died on me mid pm early hours of Weds morning and I didn't realise it was the flaming BT phone line gone, so had to wait over a day to get it fixed. I saw a pic of a lamb born in New Zealand I think it was, it had seven legs, poor little thing. Do you ever get that kind of thing with your goats? Whenever I think of goats, I remember my first holiday in Malta! My friends and I were in a private apartment, not a complex, and the goat man used to walk through the village (this was in the 70's and Malta was not so built up then). He would herd the goats and the odd sheep along and holiday makers would feed the animals - he wasn't daft! I rushed to get some bread and my flipflops slipped on some water on the stone floor, I went up in the air and came down with a wallop and a naughty word lol Poor man was sayig Madam, madam, are you ok? and my rotten mates were wetting themselves with laughter. I had a bruise on my posterior and back of my head all the holiday lol

Dear Lil, well you might be back in the UK cos your fiance could be using you to get a passport to this country. Be very careful. I know he would have to leave the kids behind and that could be hard, but he might not be telling you the truth and thinking you are the rich one hiding your light under a bushel! I would not tell your o.h. the truth, just say that you are fed up with the wet weather and no staff, and need a holiday, then use the ticket your fiance sent, so you can suss things out, after all, when you meet face to face you might find he is not the person you think, but if you don't go and see you will always wonder what if! However, do be prepared to pay for your ticket home alone, in case you find things aren't as you hope. When you have met with your fiance and seen how the land lies, then write me for further direction depending on your feelings for one another ! Micheal, where is my ticket, I only have an unofficial o.h. and can dump him in a flash for a more fulfilling life. I love kids and as you can tell from my previous post, am very good at feeding livestock.

Sorry lovely ladies - I have to go! Just had an urgent call to go to another office and help out! see you all later maybe! xxxxx Michael

wmsl PD cant let you out without gettin yourself in a muddle Michael I wouldn't be in the UK though would I Lol

Dear Marjorie is bigamy still a crime in the UK?

Dear marjorie,

two problems this time.

I have met a nice Australian who assures me he is RICH!!!!!. I have told him this makes no difference to me as I want him for himself. We had only spoken for one day and he is now my Fiance. Because we have known each other for so long I know that it is the real thing. He has kids but I don't mind them now the cat has gone. ( we can take them to the park together and push them on the swings ).

He also assures me he has a round tuit and is a pillar of the community. He may also be related, as his Richness runs in our family too ( not in my line though as, you may recall, we were disinherited ) Am I doing the right thing and do you think he will get me the servants he promised me as I am rather delicate and too much work may kill me.

My other problem is he does not know I am already married. Could you tell me if it would be ok to just use the air ticket he has sent me and tell oh I am, going on holiday. (Oh has been so kind lately, to old ladies that I wouldn't like to upset him too much.)

anxiously awaiting your reply

Hi PD! How are you - i think they have all gone to bed. I havent been on here much last coupla days - actually been doing some research!

Hello Lil, your fella's here lol Hi Michael, how are you? When I was young, I wore glasses and had dark hair, and often got called Marje Proops, so this thread made me laugh! When I grew my hair longer, I got told my passport photo made me look like Nana Mouskouri - one chap at Passport control asked me if I could sing lol Now I look more like one of the Roly Polys!

My Gawd! What have you lot been drinking (or smoking) today!! lol

Dear Aunty Marjorie, I have'nt been able to read your replies yet as I can't afford the newspaper at the moment. My oh has taken the cat to ' a friendly grey haired old lady' and says she needs money to help feed it. He assures me she is a cat lover and nothing else and as he still hasn't received his round tuit I am inclined to believe his nightly absenses are of a pure nature.

Dear Lil Ok Ok send me the moggie. It's a good job I like cats. It seems to prefer me anyway. It must be the steak, turkey and fish that I'm feeding her. Well she did write down her favourite menus for me (oh didn't I tell you she could write? poetry is her favourite) Best wishes Marge PS Don't drop of the cat yourself, send round your handsome husband. He seems to prefer me as well.

Hi Jet,

hi fag ash :)))) jet