General Chat

I am spitting nails!!!!!!!!!!!

How is it possible that a bank can give a uni student a credit card with a limit of 3,500 euros if he has no income.?????? Neither OH nor I have that limit. Twice David and I have had a huge argument about him getting a credit card and twice I intercepted it and cut it up. I even went as far as to contact the bank and tell them not to send him a credit card, as he gets a monthly allowance and has no job. He must have applied for another card using his Faro address. He and his girlfriend, who has a part time job had fantastic summer outings and and now they can't make the payments. He is totally dependent on us and will be for another year. He came home whining last night ..blah...blah..blah. OH told him that he had three options. Get a part time job to pay the credit card Use his monthly allowance to make the payment and go hungry. Or don't pay and suffer the consequences... Big argument broke out and number two son stormed out of the house and went back to Faro... My BP won't go down and I have hardly slept.. Well, I will get off of my soapbox now! Lindy :(

well said your OH

Hoff, I have to agree with you even though I hate to admit it. Surely banks do a background check before handing out credit cards.?? Lindy :(

banks DONT CARE ITS ALL ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY CAN MAKE

hhhhmmmmm!!

Sorry Lindy but I agree with your hubby. I agree with what you say but your son must have been aware that it has to be payed back! A part-time job sounds his only option. Lin x

Morning Lin, I know that he is spoilt and at sometime has to grow up but he is so in love with this girl that he cannot see the wood for the trees. I forgot to mention that now that the good times are over she has decided that she misses her parents and is going back to the U.K. after promising to help with the payments... It is time to see to my puppies and get OH his breakfast. I shall be back later in the morning. Lindy :(

What a worry for you both or all three, Your husband is seems to have the right answer,to solve it,,but I wonder what information was given to the Bank in order to have that sort of credit limit,? Its so easy to be swayed into credit when you want things beyond your scope,perhaps he was promised by his girlfriend she would help with the repayments,?? Hope you get it sorted,

I agree with your OH on this one Lindy.... It is far too easy to get into debt, and with advertising showing how to live now and pay later, it is not unusual that so many young people fall into the trap and get into debt.... We also want to make life easier for our children, but often in doing so are just giving them the idea that they can always fall back on Mum and Dad when times get hard and the credit bills come in.......OK if it is once in a while......but when it becomes more often then we are not doing our children any favours by constantly bailing them out of these situations.... I know, I was the soft one.......and it is difficult to see them trying to sort themselves out... In the end that is what they have to do and learn from Mr. Micawber from Charles Dickens......annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness.......annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds and sixpence.....result misery....

Poor you Lindy :( I am constantly being asked if I want this or that credit card, and always being asked if I'd like a higher limit on the ones I have, thing is I don't really use them, and if I do I usually pay them off when I'm sent the statement. If I added up how much I could have on them I could probably buy a couple of new cars! frightening. Its far too easy to spend on them, but often very hard to pay back. Hope your son sorts himself out soon, hopefully it has taught him a lesson i.e only spend what you can afford.

Just to say that I sympathise with you Lindy. But I do think your OH has the right idea. You should not be expected to bail him out this time. He does need to learn a lesson. But I can see you don't want to alienate your sons. Why did number two son storm out? Frightened that he too may have to get a part time job? How old are they Lindy? I would imagine that there are bar jobs that they can do if they are old enough. And I agree it is appalling that the bank (a UK one I assume?) gave him a credit card with that much on it in the first place. I would write to them and ask what they think they are doing. Ann Glos

Morning Lindy, Hard as it is, I agree with your OH. Part of our job as parents is to turn out responsible adults. Your lad must learn to face up to his responsibilities and he won't face up to this one if he gets baled out. It's for his own good. Dee x

Your son has learnt a valuable lesson and your OH was right to be firm. He will sulk for a while, but as a young adult its better to deal with this now than when he has rent or a mortgage to pay. Don't worry too much, maybe when he has calmed down, the three of you can sit down and work out the best way for him to clear his debt. xx

€3,500 does sound excessive, and I wonder if he lied about his means. A student in full time university education with loans / grants etc in place would be likely to receive a limit of €750, perhaps €1,000 maximum. I think you are correct to take a hard line - it is better for him to learn the financial facts of life now, rather than when it is too late and he is in the bankruptcy court.

Irresponsible lending - a VERY sore topic in our family at the moment. My 23-year old nephew and his (estranged) wife have an almost unbelievable amount of debt between them and virtually no way of paying it back although both are working (nephew is in pub trade so unsocial hours and lousy pay). How they EVER were allowed to borrow so much is beyond me and it is a source of worry for all of us as there have been, and will continue to be, unhappy consequences. Lindy I have to agree with your OH - once your son 'latches on' to easy credit, it can spiral out of control - believe me :-(( Sheila x

It's not just credit cards either. My daughter has an account for her student loan with a very well known high street bank. The account automatically comes with a free overdraft. I think it is £1000 per year!! Luckily my daughter is very sensible and hasn't used this facility, we give her an allowance on top of her loan and she lives within it, can't fault her. I know my son who will (hopefully) start Uni in another year though won't be the same, money burns a hole in his pocket LOL Kate

Oh Lindy being a mom is such hard work. But agree with your hubby - perhaps your son should make contact with bank and agree to pay back a certain sum each month. Just a thought. Take care and try and stay cool !!!! Love Mary xxx

Hi Lindy I agree with you about the credit company. I must say though it will be a pretty effective life lesson for your son about what credit means,how difficult it is to pay back when it is beyond your means and also why you dont wrack up debts on behalf of someone else. Dont bail him out whatever you do the lesson will serve him well in the future

Morning Linda, I have to repeat Hoff's reply, The banks do not care as it is all about money... A well know bank has opened in our area and I was contacted and asked if I would be interested in opening an account with them.. I politely refused and the next thing I know they send me a credit card which I cut up.... Both OH and I use the same bank and have done so for the last 25 years, that included all short and long term loans and we have an excellent credit rating. For the last four years direct payments have been made on a weekly basis from my account to David's account, so if the person did a background check they will pick up on that...It is no use to contact the bank again as I have already done that on a previous occasion as did OH. The forms are filled in at your local bank and then sent to the head office in Lisbon. They check your account and issue the credit cards. Morning Kay, I was wondering the same thing, but OH is of the opinion that they knew what they were doing. Not wanting to go into personal details, but the Company he works for is one of the biggest clients of this bank OH is well know by the bank staff as he is constantly in meetings with their management. The girlfriend did promise to help with payments. Morning Sally Moonchild, I know I have a lot of blame, as I spoiled both my boys...It was not easy coming to a foreign country 25 years ago, with a 3 month old baby, not speaking the language and having hostile in-laws so I dedicated my time to bringing up my children the best way I could....I too fell into the trap which some people do. Trying to give you children a better life then you had. Yet my oldest son who has had the same privileges has grown up into a wonderful caring young man who is responsible, well know in the community and a hard worker. I am afraid David has always been the rebel...and being the baby has also been very much more attached to me then his Father. Morning Lynda, I tried explaining to David the pit falls of buying on credit when I cut up the first two credit cards that came for him...It went in one ear and out the other...This time he will have to learn the hard way. Morning Ann, Did not mean to confuse you...:) David is number two son, he will be 23 years old in November and is studying computer engineering, he has a brilliant mind, but has never had a part time job in his life. Also, he is not a people person and was born lazy. Daniel will be 25 in November, a gem, he has been working part time since high school days and is studying marketing in tourism, and has already had a job offer for when he qualifies. Once in awhile on his day off he will take me out for the day, never forgets Mothers day or my Birthday...David I am afraid we only see when he wants something and if his brother does not remind him of Mothers day I would not get the flowers that he picks from the garden. The bank is Portuguese as is my husband and both sons. Morning Dee and Kitty, I know my OH has taken the right attitude but whether David will learn from his mistakes is another matter. Morning Peter, I too wondered about that but on the other hand he has no debt no loans or grants, money is transferred from my account to his account on a weekly basis for food spending money and day to day needs. Fees, rent, doctors bills clothing etc.etc. is paid by my OH. If who ever processes the application forms will have all our data on computer as we all have the same surname and postal address. David has nothing in his name, even the car that he drives is in my husband's name as he pays the insurance.~ More and more people are getting into serious debt to the extent that they are loosing everything. Morning Sheila, I know exactly what you are talking about, but trying to talk sense into David is like talking to a brick wall. Morning Kate, Why is it that the girls always have more sense? You are so very lucky to have such a sensible daughter. Morning Mary, David wants his father to bail him out and Vitor said only if he handed over his credit card and we will deduct a small amount from his allowance every week. He refused to hand over his credit card and OH told him to sort himself out. I thought now that they were both out of school we could relax more but looks like I need a handbook in rearing children until the day I die. Morning Tania, He is a hot head and this really scares me. Thank you everyone for you advice and support, it has really made me feel much better and my BP is back to normal...What would we do without the support of such wonderful people on Genes. The housework awaits and tomorrow is a bank holiday! Lindy ;-))))))))))))))))))))))