General Chat

It was mums 2nd memory on Saturday...and I was Very Very upset ..I had been for several days leading up to it..so on Saturday I had planned to go to the Cemetary and lay some flowers..(her ashes are with her parents grave )...but I didnt go..I couldnt bring myself to go as I felt it would have made me worse..instead I put her flowers in her favourite vase and polished all her photos and kissed each one ..the worse thing is I lied to my Family about going up because I felt ashamed..and now its too late to tell the truth...I dont think my Sister would understand and certainly Mums brothers and sisters wouldnt... :( Anyway ..I just thought I would write this down to see if the guilt eases alittle...

Neeta, I would have been exactly the same, you remembered her in your own way, and thats just as important as going to the cemetary. don't stress about it...... Teri x

Neeta. Tell them you went, but dont' feel guilty. You remembered in your own private way. XXX BC

Thank you girls...I tried to keep myself busy over the weekend what with Worms and work Etc..but now Im alone with my thoughts the guilt has kicked in..

Worms??

sorry.. I had a virus on my puter..and I managed to exterminate it all by myself .. :))

Neeta Don't feel guilty. It is a very hard thing to do. We have just had the third anniversary of my Dad's death and his birthday a week later (the day he was buried). I am lucky in that I go with my 2 sisters and my Mum - and even the kids this year. Maybe in the future you could arrange to go with some of your family. But you don't have to go to the cemetery you know. Your Mum is with you wherever you are. She'll know how much you love and miss her. Jeanette x

Oh!! LOL! those worms........

I really miss her

Neeta, Don't feel guilty, the important thing was that you remembered her. As others have said we all deal with things differently and it doesn't change the fact that you love and miss her. c x

I wish she could put her arms around me...or just hear her laugh or smile.... Im sorry Im getting really upset now I maybe shouldnt have started this...thank you alll for your kinds thoughts anita x

You've started me off now!! c x

Me too!

Ohh...Im sorry girls :)

Neeta A daughter that loves, honours and misses her mum so much cannot possibly be disrespectful. Quite the reverse. I think guilt is part grieving. My dad has been dead 15 years and I went to take a photo of his plaque in the memorial garden for my family history. I couldn't find it. My mum went up and found it was overgrown. She was very upset as it had grown completely over the plaque, so its not surprising I didn't find it. She hadn't been there for 5 years (mainly because its impossible to plant anything there as the council mow everything flat), but she does do the garden outside her church and also keeps the big garden she and my dad started together absolutely beautiful. She felt bad because she hadn't been to the site for 5 years, but it doesn't mean my dad is forgotten. I told her that the garden is a lovely living memorial to him. She has photos of him around the house too. I don't suppose a day goes by when we don't both think of him. So don't be hard on yourself. If you are feeling guilty about fibbing to your family and you think it will help you to feel better, then tell them you couldn't face it as you were too upset. I am sure they will understand. If you don't think it will help, then don't worry about it. I am sure your mum wouldn't want to to fret. Best wishes :-) nell

No worries Neeta. We all need a good blub now and again! My Dad's ashes are down at the local football club he loved so much. So it's not quite as convenient as a cemetery due to footy fixtures. We had to go the day before this year to avoid a match!

Neeta, Of course you weren't being disrespectful! You DID remember and you made a gesture that would have been appreciated. That's what matters. Don't be too hard on yourself. I understand all too well how you feel, though. I always get very emotional on my Dad's birthday (6th Feb) and on each anniversary of the day he died (20th May) 44 years ago now. You can't help it if you were close. That's one reason I was dreading having to walk alone round the Sunderland streets where he was born and lived. Thanks again for your offer of support. Love, CB >|< XX

Thank you all... Ive pulled myself together now...I think I needed a release..you are all very kind..thank you..Linda your right mum will be going mad that Im chewing myself about this.. I love this time of year but it has sad memories now..It was her birthday Valentines day she was 57 then she died on the 9th April her service was on the day before my birthday..Oh and it was Easter time too...Which she loved.... :)

Thank you CB.& Jeannette. Cb if you want I could still take some photos of the streets if you like..and send them to you :)

I think what you did was fine. I don't always get to the cemetery at the 'right' times for my daughter or my parents but instead I buy flowers and have them at home, and every time they catch my eye, it reminds me of my lost loved ones. The flowers last longer at home than out in the weather, especially when it's a winter anniversary, so I have longer to enjoy the flowers and my thoughts.