General Chat

Jacquie Thanks, i now know about the cricket, only because my hubby nearly crashed the car from laughing so much. As for the bike joke, i've never heard that term before so thanks for explaining it to me. Annie x

Two tourists were driving through Wales..... At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch, they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, 'Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?' The blonde waitress leaned over and said, 'Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg...'

Not a blonde but an Irish joke... Mick and Paddy are out on a bike ride. After a mile Mick stops, gets off his bike and lets down one of the tyres... Paddy asks him why? Mick replies: 'Because my seats too high' Paddy responds: 'You stupid idiot!!!' They get on their bikes and carry on pedalling... Another mile along and Paddy stops, gets off his bike and turns his handlebars around. 'What are you doing?' asks Mick Paddy replies: 'Well if you're going to be be bloody stupid then I'm turning round and going home!'

My apologies to all the blondes A young blonde was on holiday and driving through the everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligatior shoes in the worst, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle on prices' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Well then, maybe I'll just have to go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!' The shopkeeper said with a sly knowing smile, 'Little lady, just go and give it a try!' The blonde headed out towards the swamps, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day,as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a hugh 9 foot alligator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement The blond struggles and flipped the alligator onto its back. rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out 'SH*T ..... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!' * Joe decided he needed a few days off work......... but realised he had no holidays due, personal or sick leave left, so figured the best way to get the boss to send him home was to act a little crazy. He figured the boss would think he had 'burn out' and would give him some time off. He went into work early the next day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling Just then one of his co-workers (she's blonde - it'll be important later) came and asked him what he was doing. 'Shhhh', Joe said, 'I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I', acting like a light bulb.' A few seconds later the Boss walked by and asked Joe what he was doing. 'I'm a light bulb', he exclaimed. 'You're going crazy,' the boss said. 'Take a few days off'. With that Joe jumped down and started walking out. His blonde co-worker started to follow him. The boss stopped her and asked where she was going.... She said, Home. I can't work in the dark. judy

OK, Judy, Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. 'You know,' he says, 'I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk.' The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and asks the guy, 'What would you like to discuss?' 'Oh, I don't know,' says the guy. 'How about nuclear power?' 'OK,' says the blonde. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff-----grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?' The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, 'I haven't the slightest idea!' 'So tell me,' says the blonde, 'How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?' Michael

Brill thread Jacquie

Oh Judy thank you for those...brilliant...but Sally might not like it!!! lol Jacquie xxxx

Michael....loved that one.. Jacquie xxx

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others. Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap. To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them. After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

just thought I'd nudge this to save repeated threads!!!! lol Jacquie xxxx

pmsl....great joke Manda

KILLER BISCUIT WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the acutal AP Headline) lisa burnett 23, a resident from San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there she went to the supermarket to buy some groceries. Serveral people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while, noticed her and became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that her eyes were now open and looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay and Lisa replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car as the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head....A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded in the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot and a wad of dough hit her in the back of the head. When she felt the dough, she thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her 'brains' in for over an hour until someone had come to her aid. Lisa is blonde..

Sorry, just found this one... Subject : Blondes A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. 'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'we don't have any.' 'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde. 'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist. 'Yes,' said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.' She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.' Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container .......... 'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM'

I'm blonde................not funny...........Ha ha! Stel.xx Just not dizzy! PMSL

The young blonde phoned the fire brigade, and screamed down the phone that her house was on fire. The fireman replied 'Dont panic, dear, don't panic. Take a deep breath and then tell us ...how do we get there?' The blonde replied 'In a big red truck, you idiot!!'