General Chat

Divorce is like a death but the other half is still around and even if it is a split that you want it is still weird to see them, especially if they have someone else. Lots of down sides but lots of positive once it is over, I was married 25 years and expected the split, I have now been with my new hubby 10years, it made life quite exciting at the time!!! Janetx

it is heartbreaking if you have children.my parents divorced when i was 14 at a time when i needed them both.i did rebel.it is heartbreaking when parents split up not just for them but the children aswell.i think people forget sometimes that the kids are never asked how they feel.that was my experience anywayxxxxx)))):

Feeling like you have failed even if you have tried everything to keep it going!! People presuming you will go back to your maiden name. People putting MS instead of Mrs. Fighting over settlement!! All of the above happening RIGHT NOW!!

Sue from Wakefield, l could'nt agree more with you lol Anne

too many to list .I've done it twice and still paying for them but have got 4 lovely kids :-)

Good luck Susie...just good luck, and a loving thought sent to you xxx

For Me Downside is....realising that the man you loved with all your heart, who would never in a million years hurt you...just did!! Upside is....realising that you never really loved him with all your heart...you only THOUGHT you did!! For Him Upside is...realising that the young slip of a girl who had a passion for life...also had a passion for him!! Downside is...realising that you couldn't possibly keep up with her fast life and would much rather be in front of the TV with the family instead of trying to pretend to love BOOM BOOM music...only to find that the family have moved on without you!! Sue xx

For me personally.... none!! It was the best thing I ever did. I was, with hindsight, young and stupid when I got married although I couldn't see it at the time. My parents and most other adults more or less predicted the outcome, but you know how it is, you think you know it all. Anyway, after a very short time true colours were shown and everything went downhill fast. I found myself with a young child, an irresponsible, immature and selfish husband who also resorted to violence on occasions. I made the decision at 10.30 one night, got my child up from bed, and walked away to my parents home. I have never looked back since. I cannot deny that I had a hard struggle on my own (this was 1964/5) because no help was offered to anyone on their own in those days. However, I was determined to re-build and I did. Apart from the fact that my child was a victim of only having one 'active' parent, we had a great relationship (and still do) and he enjoyed all the material benefits as a two-parent child - trips abroad with the school, holidays abroad with me and my immediate family, swimming lessons, support for whatever event he took part in, etc. etc. Divorce - and therefore life on your own - isn't something I necessarily advocate, but sometimes for the sake of sanity and survival, it is a necessary evil.

The only painfull part of my divorces was having my kids minds poisoned against me and ended up not seeing either of them for years. They were 3 and 4 years old when we divorced now they both adults seen my youngest but not my eldest all I can say is no matter what either partner has done to cause the divorce please dont poison the kids minds against them. This brings more pain than any solicitor or courts can ever inflict . One more thing why do people always assume its the male at fault in both my divorces it was my partners at fault both had affairs. Remember all members of the family feel the pain even if they dont show it openly. Paul

I agree with you in principle Len, although there's something to be said for perseverence. I take your point too Gwynne, as you know, I've been through that process in other respects, and you're right, its not pleasant having someone go through your private life.

Its the only way if a partnership is on the rocks. Finish it and start afresh. Been there, done it. Like the dentist - painful at the time but not so much as letting the rot go on. len

Hi Paul, I think it could be degrading in the sense of having to let strangers (solicitors and judges) into your private life and see them pick over the details of your marriage. I think I would find that degrading, that's not to say I think being divorced in itself is degrading just the process, if you see what I mean. Gwynne

Although I haven't been through a divorce myself, I have to agree with Elaine, in that divorce divorce may be difficult, painful, but... degrading ? I don't see why that should be the case. Hope you're OK Susie xx

Susie,first and foremost,make sure you get a decent solicitor.One who will look after your interests and get things moving along quickly.I had a solicitor who turned out to be a dogs arse.The lies he was telling me was unbelievable.Not knowing anything at all I left things to him.I have been divorced nearly 9 years and the bas turd still lives in the family home.No ancillary relief was ever sorted out.I am now being told by a new solicitor,that I will only be entitled to around 25% of the value as he has been living there and the mortgage has been paid by him.I feel as if I had another kick in the teeth.Ask around and shop around until you get a good solicitor.Seriously. Hop-a-long.

Hi Susie It's the most painful experience I have ever been through but I knew I didn't have a choice. It's like a bereavement without anyone dying - I lost my home, his family and my pets. I still feel bitter and twisted about the whole situation even though I am now happily married. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy - I still don't know how I got through it all but it's true about knowing who your friends are - I will never forget how brilliant a couple of mine were. Debby

Down side I never found any, except no one to help with my sons who are hyper though that is why I left my middle boy was being hit all the time and locked in his room and he would not tell me as he didn't want me hit I put up with it for 16yrs so I left after seeing him kick my son and nearly break his ribs he was 10yrs old at the time decided I could not put my kids through that though my daughter was told I was having an affair which was rubbish as she never seen much though told friend she seen him. I got my own place meet up with my 2nd husband had our own son we moved in together got married and my eldest boy stopped wetting the bed, I asked why have you stopped now just like that he told me he felt safe for the first time in since he was 6yrs old. I went back to college got my NVQ Level 2 in buisness admin and I am more confident in my self

I would have thought, In this day and age, to call divorce in the millenium ' degrading ' is a bit old fashioned, Maybe in the pre 80's but not now. E x

When I decided enough was enough (3 affairs by hubby) I made sure that the first thing that we got sorted was access to the children, I had to bring him nearly 200 miles to where I was living, and make him swear in court that he would always return the children to me after visits, that done children ex and my self decided that 1 week holidays from school he would have the children, 2 week holidays he could have them for one week and me for the other, main school holidays it is up to the children how long they stay but only up to 5 weeks as I needed to get uniform for them before school opened up. I felt that as I had them all year, then it was only fair for the children and ex to spend as much time to gether that they wanted, after all the children never asked to be born, and then to go through all of this upset. I got to enjoy school holidays more than most moms. :) Bev

The downside to me is the loss of Family. I am separated from all my nephews and nieces on my exes side, and one of my daughters has transferred her affections to her StepDad and I have no contact with her or her 3 children.

not divorced yet, separated in April worst things are seeing the kids so upset when they were told worrying about the kids emotional state worrying about how the kids will handle birthday/Xmas/holiday making excuses for his unreliability when you just want to tell them what you think of him being polite and avoiding conflict for the sake of the kids when you just want to scream and thump him having to take sole responsibilty for everything wondering what SHE is like listening to kids talking about HER worrying about future finances wondering if you will ever meet then trust a man again I suppose if you have no children then things are different, but I think you push your own feelings away and try to concentrate on them. Each case is different too - if you were unhappy in the relationship, then you (and any kids) may well be happier when it finishes. When you don't have a choice, you just have to get on with it! Maz. XX