General Chat

Just curious as it is a common occurance in today's society!! Love Susie xx

hi susie, i would'nt wish it on anyone. if my wife had taken my girls,when she walked out,i would not be here today. bryan.

All divorces are different... some can be degrading... but not all.... some men walk out too , but some women do as well. I have divorced 3 husbands..(greedy aren't I?) but each one was different and I divorced them for different reasons. Although, I can honestly say, I am happier being on my own, leading my own life, with a loving family that I have raised... no thanks to the 'men' in my life. I would not wish divorce on anyone, but you can't stay together if you don't belong either. Anne :)

Downsides? this is going back a few years but: 1) Ripped off by lawyer 2) Poverty 3) The stigma of being a 'single parent', especially if you have one dark haired brown eyed daughter (takes after me) and one blonde haired blue eyed daughter (takes after dad). No-one believes they had the same father!! 4) Following from above - council workers assuming you're an 'easy lay' 5) More poverty 6) CSA 7) Benefits officers not believing you really are living on your own!! 8) Following from above - noticing 'strange men' sat outside your gate in cars. 9) Go to doctor with excrutiating stomach pains - he diagnoses an early miscarriage. The embarrassment YOU feel at his presumption when you tell him you've been celibate for 3 years!!!! 10) Your children blaming you for the break up. 11) Being told daddies friend is more fun than you There are upsides............................... 1) When your children are grown up, visit their father and realise you have sacrificed a lot for them. 2)Following from above, they realise that they love their dad, but he is a total slut at heart and his new name between you becomes 'the tart'. 3)They tell you how anal he was about them eating sprouts. 4)He leaves the woman he left you for!!! This is, of course irrelevant if you divorce and don't have children LOL maggie

Ask me again in 3 months, 6 months, and a year Ken x

for those of us who have to seperate then it is right... for those of us who feel the need to stay together thru thick and thin then maybe its the way its suppose to be, reckon everyone will know when they find their soul mate, seperation is common place but so to is absolute commitment, just have to find the right person! everybody has a soul mate, just have to keep looking xx

Married for 27 years.... and finally decided enough was enough we separated and 2 yrs down the line got divorced... Cost of Divorce: 150 GBP.... No laywer... filled in the forms and did it myself!! We sold the house when we separated and halved it... halved the cost of the divorce. Upside: Independence!! Freedom!!! Downside: For me, none!! Children grown up. Jacquie xxxx

Downside: Complete mental and emotional breakdown, leading to.......Loss of Home, loss of family, loss of job, loss of figure, looks, cofidence, self esteem,loss of me! Gains: Havn't found any yet.......12 years down the road! Suzie

You'll find out who your true friends are - probably only a couple.

Hi Susie, Never been there so it's difficult for me to say but I have seen a few and my observation is that the worst thing (if children are involved) is unhappy children. I've seen great unhappiness in our family caused by a messy divorce and had to see children I love very much in great emotional pain. I've also seen the pain in children I have taught and it can last a lifetime. Gwynne.

Susie honey, there are so many down sides to divorce, and they go on for years after, in fact they never quite go away. So if pos, try again, if not then walk away. Neither will be easy, but only you know what is best. Good luck, my heart breaks for you xxxx

Susie, Divorce has been fairly common in the circles I move in since the 1970s. The downside of it for me (divorced in 1975) was financial. He bought my half of the house after we'd had it valued, so I had enough for a deposit on a new house of my own. Eighteen months later, the house had more than doubled in value and he sold it for a massive profit and thus ended up far better off than I did. And it was HIM who caused our marriage to break up in the first place - but there was nothing I could do about my financial loss. It was all above board. Time and ithe property market just worked against me. CB >|<

When you see a very close loved one going through emotional turmoil because the partner will not let go, and begins to let anger through, in front of the children... when the said children are bounced between them because that partner will not be amicable , when they do not want you for yourself but don't want anyone else to have you... what a nightmare.!! I am just being there to listen to my loved one. Anne :)))

not divorced yet, separated in April worst things are seeing the kids so upset when they were told worrying about the kids emotional state worrying about how the kids will handle birthday/Xmas/holiday making excuses for his unreliability when you just want to tell them what you think of him being polite and avoiding conflict for the sake of the kids when you just want to scream and thump him having to take sole responsibilty for everything wondering what SHE is like listening to kids talking about HER worrying about future finances wondering if you will ever meet then trust a man again I suppose if you have no children then things are different, but I think you push your own feelings away and try to concentrate on them. Each case is different too - if you were unhappy in the relationship, then you (and any kids) may well be happier when it finishes. When you don't have a choice, you just have to get on with it! Maz. XX

The downside to me is the loss of Family. I am separated from all my nephews and nieces on my exes side, and one of my daughters has transferred her affections to her StepDad and I have no contact with her or her 3 children.

When I decided enough was enough (3 affairs by hubby) I made sure that the first thing that we got sorted was access to the children, I had to bring him nearly 200 miles to where I was living, and make him swear in court that he would always return the children to me after visits, that done children ex and my self decided that 1 week holidays from school he would have the children, 2 week holidays he could have them for one week and me for the other, main school holidays it is up to the children how long they stay but only up to 5 weeks as I needed to get uniform for them before school opened up. I felt that as I had them all year, then it was only fair for the children and ex to spend as much time to gether that they wanted, after all the children never asked to be born, and then to go through all of this upset. I got to enjoy school holidays more than most moms. :) Bev

I would have thought, In this day and age, to call divorce in the millenium ' degrading ' is a bit old fashioned, Maybe in the pre 80's but not now. E x

Down side I never found any, except no one to help with my sons who are hyper though that is why I left my middle boy was being hit all the time and locked in his room and he would not tell me as he didn't want me hit I put up with it for 16yrs so I left after seeing him kick my son and nearly break his ribs he was 10yrs old at the time decided I could not put my kids through that though my daughter was told I was having an affair which was rubbish as she never seen much though told friend she seen him. I got my own place meet up with my 2nd husband had our own son we moved in together got married and my eldest boy stopped wetting the bed, I asked why have you stopped now just like that he told me he felt safe for the first time in since he was 6yrs old. I went back to college got my NVQ Level 2 in buisness admin and I am more confident in my self

Hi Susie It's the most painful experience I have ever been through but I knew I didn't have a choice. It's like a bereavement without anyone dying - I lost my home, his family and my pets. I still feel bitter and twisted about the whole situation even though I am now happily married. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy - I still don't know how I got through it all but it's true about knowing who your friends are - I will never forget how brilliant a couple of mine were. Debby

Susie,first and foremost,make sure you get a decent solicitor.One who will look after your interests and get things moving along quickly.I had a solicitor who turned out to be a dogs arse.The lies he was telling me was unbelievable.Not knowing anything at all I left things to him.I have been divorced nearly 9 years and the bas turd still lives in the family home.No ancillary relief was ever sorted out.I am now being told by a new solicitor,that I will only be entitled to around 25% of the value as he has been living there and the mortgage has been paid by him.I feel as if I had another kick in the teeth.Ask around and shop around until you get a good solicitor.Seriously. Hop-a-long.