General Chat

fancey leaving that poor old man buz for an hour and all he wanted was the toilet if that happend in our home we would of got the sack i totally agree with the comment about good management and co/workers been happy in there work i must say this is the nicest place i have ever worked and we are a great team and we do give 100% because we are happy in our working inviroment it is a very physical and mentally draining job,but the reward of knowing you having given that person a 100% care is wonderfull i see these old people as some ones mum,nan,grandad ect and if it was my parents in a home,this is how i would like them to be looked after angie xx

Nice to hear Angela. Happy days

im a care worker and i can assure you our lovely old people would never starve,go thirsty or be left with out been toileted we have a routine in our home and it is always carried out i would never work in a care home that didnt carry out these simple tasks,after all that is what we are paid for to care for the elderly and to make sure ever need is carried out angie x

Thanks for your replies folks, some of them very moving. Shakespeare said, 'Gather ye rosebuds whilst ye may, for summer is a dying.....' Make the most of the sunshine while it lasts. Happy days

By the way, Ann, I meant to say how sorry I was to hear about your father in law, I am thinking of you Debby, I have just seen your reply. It is amazing what inner resources people find when it comes to coping with a terminally ill parent. I had a feeling of relief when I lost Dad, then guilt that I should have felt relieved. He died 6 years ago next month and there are still occassions when I get pangs of guilt. Luckily they are less frequent now. Take care Dee xx

Channon That is a tough one - I can't imagine what it must be like for people in your situation - it's heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing it on here..... Debby

Hi Joan and Lynda Thank you for understanding Dee xx

Dee & Joan You have moved me to tears between you! Dee - you did absolutely the right thing - I would have made exactly the same decision - you have nothing to feel guilty about. While mine is a totally different situation and I apologise for hijacking the thread but I sometimes need to re-live this because I can't believe I coped. I watched while my mum was reduced to 4 and a half stone, hallucinating while on the morphine and being frightened of dying (when it was wearing off) and losing every bit of dignity she had ever had. How I wish I'd doubled her doses of morphine and put her out of her misery - it woud have been worth a court battle. What I do feel proud about (not really the right word) is that she died in her own living room surrounded by her family who had nursed her to the end. Debby

hi joan just been reading again and it is the hardest thing to watch people can say what they want till it faces them i think all the people on here must seem to realise what its like ann xx

Hi Dee I think everyone on here who have had any experience with loved ones with dementia will know that every case is different and all the decisions we have to make are not done lightly. I was in a similiar situation to you with my Father when he was dying in hospital and it is not easy but you know that your decision is right and for the best. Lyndax

Hi Dee, I agree with you totally. I hope you don't think anything I said was aimed at you, it wasn't. I was trying to clarify what the legal situation is for others reading this that are lucky at the moment not to be in our situation. I think you made the right decision in the end, & I will make the same one as you, & we do it because we love them so much, we are brave enough to let them go. Everyone has to decide what their loved one would want if they were compus mentis, & I think deep down we know that too. I also know what it's like to see someone you love starve themselves to death. It is not a pleasant thing at all, & something I will never get over as long as I live. Forget what other people think, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart, & you were very brave to do that. luv Joan xxxx

I have been reading through what people have been saying and would like to say that I realise that people, irrespective of age, cannot be force fed. When my Dad got to the stage when he was not taking food the home and GP did discuss with me the possibility of sending him into hospital and putting him on a drip. The problem is, when someone has dementia there is no guarantee that they will not try to pull the drip out. They will also probably find the surroundings in the hospital frightening and disturbing. After much thought we made the decision to keep Dad at the home, and in effect let nature take its course. It is not an easy course to take. I know that relatives of other patients didn't approve of the decisions we made, and I am sure there are those of you here that will feel the same. All I can say in reply is that every case is different, and at the end of the day I am the person who has had to live with the decisions I made. It hasn't always been easy Dee xx

Had to reply to this after working in a few of these homes over the years. In my experience, if staff feel supported and valued by their manager and co-workers they will always give 100% to the task in hand. If people are adequately interviewed, trained and then supported with supervision etc you cant go far wrong. I have seen some fantastic caring and also witnessed some appalling acts. People need to know they will be supported if they speak out about poor attitudes to any vulnerable person. Just because 'it' happens all the time - dont make it right! Ok, im off my soap box now :-) Diana

Hi - As some of you may know - I had to put my Mum in a home earlier this year. I had been looking after her for 7 years but her dementia was getting worse and she was falling over a lot because she kept forgetting to use her frame. She was haveing care at home which really was not working - I had to be there for her every day 365 days a year. She fell ill and I could not physically lift her to do anything so she ended up in hospital. What little skills she did have she lost in the time spent in hospital and it was obvious that she could live in any way in her own home. I believe the home she is in is a good one - I go in there several times a week - usually delibrately at meal times - she appears well cared for and they are fully geared up for people who aren't mobile. She has never been left in her room and they do make the effort to try and get her to take a few steps on a walking frame to try and keep her a little mobile. All I can do now is keep an eye on her situation and they know that I will complain if I don't like anything I see, so far that hasn't happened. Lyndax

Lizeloojoy Thats nursing homes at their very worst. Certainly wouldnt want any of My rellies at any such place. Am only glad we didnt have to come to that MY Aunt seems to have been well looked after by her family. We visited her at Easter & was well impressed with her care,& this was without prior warning we were coming,only rang late mornig to say we visiting after lunch Shirley

I did some agency night work as a Registered Nurse in Nursing Homes in North Birmingham/ South Staffs area when my babies were small. I only did it for a few weeks, it was just awful. Most times, I would be the only Nurse on duty, assisted by a couple of (usually) well meaning school leavers as care assistants. I did not know the residents at all, it was scary handing out medication to elderly, sick people with no prior knowledge of their condition or personality. The first home I was sent to was the worst. It was in Sutton Coldfield. It was the routine to start waking the patients for breakfast at 5am, because there just was not time to get them all up otherwise. I was horrified to find the normal routine was to lift the ladies out of bed onto the commode at this ungodly hour, and then shovel half a bowl of porridge into their mouths *whilst they were sitting on the commode* before plonking them back onto the bed and moving on to the next room. The poor ladies were so confused and frightened, being woken up in this way. It was inhuman. I refused to go back there and reported them to the agency but I don't think anything was done. Another home sticks out in my mind. It was in Burton, and the owner was very thrifty, to the extent that the regular night staff used to take food in themselves from home to supplement the appalling diet provided to the patients. We were not allowed hot water at night (too expensive) so had to wash patients' bums and hands in cold water. Disposable wipes were also too pricey, so the patients' face flannels were used on both ends. The flannels were also pooled into a central supply, so it was pot luck which one was used on which patient. Would you want your face washed with a flannel that had been used to clear up a doubly incontinent person's rear end, even if it had been washed a hundred times? I certainly would not! Especially with the owner's attitude to hot water being too expensive. These are just 2 examples of what I experienced. The majority of regular staff were hard working and dedicated, but there were still too many who were not. I think I must have worked in a dozen or so homes all together, mostly just for a single night, and out of all those, there was just 1 that I would have considered placing a relative of mine in. Incidentally, they were all Nursing Homes, not Residential Homes. Liz x

My Aunt, Bless her, aged 99 is in a lovely home in Cornwall. Has her own lovely room with an ensuite, & telephone. We can ring her anytime & be put thro to her. She can dine in the communial dining room Or if she doesnt feel up to it can get her food delivered to her room. The staff are mainly young folk who are very careing, and she is very well looked after. Wish all our elderly were that well cared for. Needless to say its a private home, but this isnt anyway a pointer to how well run our old folks could be catered for. Shirley

Sheila, been there (my hairs white nearly!!) Can you not coax them into thinking it's their idea, see more of grandchildren (if any) etc? Annie Sadly, Homes are not allowed to feed them as in making them eat as it abuses their human rights. They can only assistant in feeding. The home where my Dad is at the moment does ensure that they eat where possible, they spoon feed the less able ones so no-one goes hungry. Luckily I have never seen food just left in front of anyone. However, if like your f-i-l my Dad decides tomorrow that he has had enough & refuses to eat, they can't make him. That is still his decision, even though it is very difficult for us to watch. Joan x

im with dee on this just lost fil on thursday in home we use to take treats in for him on an afternoon or if he fancied fish or sardines we took them in and he had them for tea he also suffered with dementia and the last week or so he seemed to stop eating and then stopped taking fluids but it didnt matter how hard they tried to feed him he wouldnt have it i feel that i cant thank the staff enough but i do know certain night staff were giving him drugs so he wouldnt get out of bed so consiquently (sp) the next day he was still sleepy ann xx

Harry - that's awful and, as you say, totally inexcusable. This is a bit of an issue for us at the moment - I have very elderly in-laws, FIL is currently in hospital after abdominal surgery and will need a lot of recovery time. MIL needs some care, which he has been providing, at detriment to his own health. They live in Devon currently, all attempts to get them to move a bit nearer (sheltered housing) have failed. We've looked at sheltered housing and care homes and have found good and bad (well, from OUR judgement at the time) and are still concerned for their future well-being. There are loads of complications and family tensions thrown in for good measure too! I'm going grey, Sheila x