General Chat

The playright Alan Bennet writes, 'There is something not right abour homes for the elderly - not least that staff do not have the time to feed the patients properly and do not not notice when they are not feeding themselves. Lacking one to one care, these helpless creatures slowly and quite respectably starve to death' My experience is that there is some truth in the above - not being critical of the staff , who always seem to be at least one member short. In my opinion the funding of care homes is a national disgrace. Will be pleased to hear views both ways, particularly those shooting the above arguments down. Happy days?

Hi Harry I worry about the privately owned ones as I think some of the owners are in it for themselves rather than the care of the elderly. It is a sorry state of affairs the way our elderly are treated in this day and age. Debby

Debby, Good point. When my mother was in a local authority home, the staffing level was much higher. Happy days

i have to say, I think there very sad places, i dont think I could ever put one of my family in one, but I am not being critical of people that do, my Mother looked after my grandmother who had altiziemers(spelling) for 15 years, she refused to put her in a home, I respect my mother for that, I hope that I would do the same but until it happens i dont think you know how you would be and if you have the strength to do it, my Mother is a very strong woman lets hope I take after her. Roxanne x

My ex husbands daughter worked in one on evenings while she was a student. She had no training whatsoever and was shocked by what she saw. Debby

Hi Harry This is an upsetting subject for me. When my Dad was in a home, suffering from dementia, I was told by the relatives of the other patients that if I wanted to be sure my Dad ate anything I would need to go in and feed him myself That just wasn't possible. I am sure that to some extent he did starve to death, not something I have found easy to cope with. He certainly wasn't neglected, but the staff were hard pressed to cope with 30 patients, all suffering dementia of some kind. Dee xx

Thanks girls for your replies. Dee- very very sad but true. think in Scotland the elderly care homes are properly funded. happy days

I cant fault the nursing homes that my mother and her sister are in but there is another nursing home near me that I worked in part time for 2 weekends a few years ago where I always said I would never put a relative of mine. jenny

In an ideal world we'd be caring for our elderly parents ourselves, however I realise for various reasons this can not be so for a whole host of reasons. In Italy I think I am right in saying families who have their elderly relatives living with them are paid to do so by the Govt?? But please don't quote me on this. Perhaps our Govt; could look into that option for some of our elderly. Much happiness Debi

i work in a council run home and i have to say that staff there +me try our best with our residents (some can be very hard work) if we think some body is not eating enough then we start a food chart but i have to say we can not force that person to eat or drink all the staff try very hard to make the home like there own.we also do play games ,put dvd on for them to watch we have our own hairdress that comes every week i hear what people are saying and yes some homes are not to nice,but if stoke conucil have there way the home i work in will soon be shut and its the old i worry about when it happens

Having seen an horrific tv programme about care homes, I just hope I never have to end up in one. Deanna X

I think there are some and some. I know of badly managed and not very clean homes with excellent and caring nurses who end up very distressed at the impossibility of being able to do their jobs properly because of the lack of staffing and funding. I also know of homes that look fantastic and where the carers seem efficient but uncaring. Hospitals can be just the same and I am sure that in all of these there are residents/patients who die through neglect or error in some way. I feel for anyone who is reluctant to put elderly relations in a home but has no other choice.

I've worked in care homes in the past as well as having had an elderly relative in a nursing home. The way I see it is that there are good homes and bad homes. The owners of one that I worked in tried to make it as much home-from-home as possible, it was also a lovely place to work. The home where my elderly relative, in my mind wasn't all that good, every time I visited it smelt of urine & a lot of the staff didn't seem that willing to speak to you. Unfortunately a lot of homes have problems with the red tape that makes it harder for owners to provide what is needed and are therefore given no option but to close down Sarah, xxx

As a child I remember my nan and mum looking after my grandfather for 12 years he had dementia and was incontinent as well. My nan was also working and so was my mum in the end it became too much for nan and grandad was put in a home, I think he was properly looked after, I remember going to see him but he died in the home. My poor nan didnt live long herself after that, I think she had worn herself out, sadly she didnt see her retirement either, she came home from work on a saturday night and died early hours of monday morning. I always said I would look after my mum and dad if I had too, but you dont know until it happens to yourself. Regards Yvonne

Hi Harry My father had to go in a Nursing Home as he got so bad that we just could not cope with his illness. He had Parkinsons and Pagetts Disease We did a lot of research into a lot of Nursing Homes before we decided on what we thought was the right one for him. I must admit I wouldn't put a animal in some of them. They were absolutely disgusting. It was a concern to me my sister and brothers also my Mum when he finally had to go. Thank God we did all the leg work looking around because we could not fault his Nursing home. They treated him with the utmost respect and he never wanted for anything. They loved him to bits and some of the staff even came to his funeral. So for anyone having to make this awful decision please look around, some people do care, and there is some good ones. Kindest Regards Jackie

Many thanks for your interest. Some sad (and hopeful) tales there. Overworked staff generally. This doesn,t sound much but it was quite awful at the time. While visiting my mother, an elderly man kept ringing his bell for at least an hour without answer. Eventually a puddle appeared and the nurse when she passed quite inexusably said 'You dirty old bugger'. Even overwork cannot excuse that. A dog would have been treated better. Glad to hear there are happier tales about. Happy days

I agree with Blue entirely. Nobody knows how hard a decision it is until they have to make it. Alzheimers/Dementia is a horrible illness & is very hard to deal with someone who is hallucinating/violent in the home. Not all cases are like that, but believe me it is not nice to see someone you love turn on someone else you love too. It is not a matter of 'Gran's a bit of a nuisance now, let's put her out of the way' Some people are heartbroken & never get over that final decision. Ultimately you have to think of both the person who is ill, & the carer's well being. And never make promises, you may find you won't be able to keep them when it comes to the crunch. :0) Joan x

Harry - that's awful and, as you say, totally inexcusable. This is a bit of an issue for us at the moment - I have very elderly in-laws, FIL is currently in hospital after abdominal surgery and will need a lot of recovery time. MIL needs some care, which he has been providing, at detriment to his own health. They live in Devon currently, all attempts to get them to move a bit nearer (sheltered housing) have failed. We've looked at sheltered housing and care homes and have found good and bad (well, from OUR judgement at the time) and are still concerned for their future well-being. There are loads of complications and family tensions thrown in for good measure too! I'm going grey, Sheila x

im with dee on this just lost fil on thursday in home we use to take treats in for him on an afternoon or if he fancied fish or sardines we took them in and he had them for tea he also suffered with dementia and the last week or so he seemed to stop eating and then stopped taking fluids but it didnt matter how hard they tried to feed him he wouldnt have it i feel that i cant thank the staff enough but i do know certain night staff were giving him drugs so he wouldnt get out of bed so consiquently (sp) the next day he was still sleepy ann xx

Sheila, been there (my hairs white nearly!!) Can you not coax them into thinking it's their idea, see more of grandchildren (if any) etc? Annie Sadly, Homes are not allowed to feed them as in making them eat as it abuses their human rights. They can only assistant in feeding. The home where my Dad is at the moment does ensure that they eat where possible, they spoon feed the less able ones so no-one goes hungry. Luckily I have never seen food just left in front of anyone. However, if like your f-i-l my Dad decides tomorrow that he has had enough & refuses to eat, they can't make him. That is still his decision, even though it is very difficult for us to watch. Joan x