General Chat

Really sore subject for me to. My MIL pass in February in one of those places. She couldn't take regular meds due to her cancer so for suppository meds we paid extra. What they didn't like having to shove the pill up her bum? Once we went to see her, she was lying in bed naked (stark) clothes piled at foot of bed and no one around. When we freaked on them they tried to tell us she stripped herself down. Really!! an 87 year old woman, blind, couldn't walk, had cancer of the stomach, dementia and she stripped herself down naked and was lying sleeping in bed with a little sheet over her private parts. Don't think so. My answer is NOOOOOOOOO for in house entertainment either they get volunteers or cover the cost. And this is Canada

It does make my blood boil,why do people think because you get old,you dont deserve to be looked after properly,men have fought wars,fought for the country,women have raised children and brought them up decent,with standards,where does it go wrong when you reach a certain age? And why, when do you cease to be a human being? Havent any of these so called homes heard of the word dignity. Sorry folks Im going on a bit,but this is nationwide,no one ever listens,its a good job,so many have caring and loving families to fight for their rights, some unfortunately dont have anyone in their corner. I couldnt have my mum living with me as I am disabled, I couldnt have cared for her needs 24 hrs a day. trish xxxx

Hi Fred, Couldnt have put it better myself, trying to be ladylike here,lol, Its very hard when the decision is taken away from you,when a parent is needing 24hr care,especially having dementia, it is a heartbreaking thing to leave your parent,all I do is picture her there everyday,but I know she is being fed,and is clean,and safe,but thats about all. They have music playing all the old songs,which she remembers every word,and so do I,singing along on my visits to her. trish xxx

Claire, My friend's child was wacked by a teacher at school. My friend reported it to the headteacher etc, then a social worker appeared out of the blue & went to my friend's home & interrogated her as to whether she was hurting her own child etc!!!!! The teacher was moved to another class!! I rest my case! Joan x

Trish Pm me anytime you like hun. I will try to help, also if you feel very miserable about your mum, I know exactly how you feel. Went to see Dad today, he hasn't a clue who I am now, I feel like my life has passed me by - how can I exist if he can't acknowledge I was even born? it's a c**p illness, the most horrible thing that can happen. Anytime you want a chat feel free. Joan xxxxx

social workers, well what can I say. My parents used to foster and one day a social worker turned up at lunch time (on the lookout for a free meal, no doubt). Anyway this social worker chappie bangs on the kitchen window and stands watching my dad eat his lunch. My dad started telling my mum what he thought of this particular chap and expressed himself in a few choice words!! When the social worker walked into the kitchen he loked my dasd in the eye and said 'I can lip read you know!!' Do you think my dad cared? lol Claire

Hi Joan, Not sure what you mean,buy the rest of her care,its all about learning not from the ones who should be responsible for helping,but from friends family,and now yourself, be glad of any advice. Should I p.m.you? any help would be appreciated. thanks trish xxx

Trish Best not to ask me what I think of Social Workers. I'm sure there may be one nice one out there somewhere but they don't work my area!! Can you not sit down & discuss with your brother what she gets? How old is she & is there enough money left for you to 'buy' the rest of her care? You can buy a plan which can cover their lifetime in care it may be worth looking into. :0) Joan xx

Sorry Claire, bit insensitive of me not to mention your m-i-l, I do hope you get things sorted,its so frustrating,when you are up against red tape. trish xxx

Hi Claire, Talking of clothes going missing,dont start me on this one, I even saw a resident leaving the home in a wheelchair for a hospital appt,she was wearing my mums coat.They said hope you dont mind but the lady didnt have one,what was I going to do,rip it off her,I felt like it,but it wasnt the poor womans fault,but it was MY MUMS COAT,TOLD THEM i DIDNT LIKE IT, sorry wasnt shouting then,left caps lock on. trish xxx

Claire, I'm so sorry about your mum-in-law. I have had to fight every step of the way for Dad & I feel his own country & Government have **** on him. He never claimed benefits nor was out of work, he brought up all of us kids without any financial help. He was willing to die for this country & for what? I'd say to any young lad who was thinking of joining the forces don't cos the Government don't give a damn about you, & won't ever look after you in your old age. All he is allowed to have left after his money has gone to the Home will be £12,000. :0( Joan xx

Hi Joan, My brother is in charge of her finance,unfortunately,I dont know what he gets,we do have a social worker involved,I always buy toiletries for her,but the home even put something on the bill,saying she had run out of shampoo,but they have been told to let me know when she needs something,and not for them to buy it. I dont always go to her room,but I like to make spot checks on a regular basis,to keep an eye on things. I think its about time I got in touch with this Social worker,but she only works part time,and is oh so busy,she always mops her brow,and says she is over worked (bless). trish xxx

I certainly don't think residents should have to pay to have their nails cut!!!!!! If the home owners ensured they had enough staff, nail cutting could be done by them, along with a little 'chat' session. But we all know 'god' money comes first so they keep the staff to a minimum to the detriment of both staff (overworked) and residents (no chance of a nice friendly chat or time to bond properly to the carers). As for entertainment, that amount sounds excessive. maggie

Care homes sore point for me. My mother in law recently died - she had pnemonia as her chest infection was ignored for 6 weeks. Every time we asked they said she was on anti biotics. Went to see her one day and my husband had to demand to have the doctor out. She was immediatly admitted to hospital- pnemonia and a collapsed lung. 1 week later we were making funeral arrangements. The washing was so disgusting my sister in law took it home to wash and iron. New clothes would go missing, she was onced charged for some shaving cream I could go on. My dog gets better treatment in the kennels. Think of the number health care people and they are the owners of this home. We are awaiting answers at the moment. Claire

Trish Do you claim Attendance Allowance for your Mum? If she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers or dementia she should be on the higher rate. I agree, there were some in my Mum's Home that complained non-stop about the place yet they were the assisted by the Social Services ones!!!! Dad doesn't get any better care than those not self-paying & his room needs decorating, we have to get his own tioletries for him, they don't even pay for his bath stuff or soap etc!!! Someone's making a lot of money out of him that's for sure. :0( Joan xx

Hi Elaine, They have their afternoon tea/cake biccies,which is part of their care, a lot of the residents cant play bingo,they would forget what numbers were called,(had to have a chuckle there),or else I would cry. trish xxx

Trish, I'm sure there are entertainers out there who'd entertain them for an hour or so for nothing. I'm a part-time entertainer, and £255 for 2 hours' work? Tell me where it is! lol. Far too excessive. So I guess you could say that no, I don't think they should be charged for that. x

Hi Lynda, Yes I go at different times of the day,just to see whats going on etc,Mum is not on medication,they have a day file on all residents,that gets written up daily,and I can ask to see this at anytime. trish xxx

I would think a nominal fee is ok such as £1-£2 each resident..if they wish (with tea and cake/ biccies thrown in) What happens if they dont pay, are they barred from the room ? also paying £1 for bingo, where the winnings is made up of the money taken. Sometimes a small nominal fee, such as the above, as long as the residents get something out of it is ok, as it gives some residents a feeling of being independant with their money, especially if they cant go out to spend it in the first place. Elaine x

Hi Joan, Sorry about your dear Dad,I agree with every thing you are saying,my dear Mums savings are nearly gone now,and to think she scrimped and saved all her life,when she could have bought things to have made her life more comfortable when she lived her own life. Makes me mad,to think when her savings are gone,then and only then does the Social Services pay for their care. Getting madder by the minute here. trish xxxx