General Chat

Hiya Ron! Good to see you! Here goes................ VIRGO!!! Thinking of getting it on with someone? About time too! You can't stay a virgin all your life - your bits will gather cobwebs, then dry up and drop off. Put it about a bit, shake your tail feathers, invest in a thong and try wearing body glitter to disguise that drab grey skin. With any luck you'll meet someone with no sense of smell, or better still, no taste at all. ;o)) XX

Me Please 30th July

Aries? 15th April. Along time ago lol Gerri.

Bob and Carol!! Sagittarius!! When it comes to getting on with your elderly neighbours, you're unlikely to be nominated for an Age Concern medal. They're constantly moaning on about you leaving clod-hopping great hoofprints on their chrysanthemums and when you trampled over Yapski, their adored Yorkshire Terrier, that was simply the last straw. Only one thing for it - you'll have to whack the pair of coffin dodgers. Coat the tips of your arrows with curare and aim just below the ears, true assassin-stylee, then you'll never have to worry about the geriatric whingers again. Help the Aged, as Jarvis said - waste 'em! ;o))) X

hee hee, dont know about Carol, but all MY neighbours are younger than me.......... thanks for the larf....

For Our Gerri!! ARIES!! You're a very aggressive young Ram this month, butting and snorting, stamping your hooves, generally making a load of noise and drawing attention to yourself. What's eating you? Beware you don't lock horns with a member of the veterinary profession. Your nemesis could pack a sharp pair of castrating shears. Just chill, OK? ;o))) XX

Lil Think Ive done yours - Are you Leo? You need a haircut! Glad you enjoyed it Bob!!! And Carol!! ;o))) X

Whats left?? The hoover is beckoning! SCORPIO (Especially for Lemon!!) My, that sting in your tail is working overtime this month. It could be cystitis, or a non-specific genito-urinary infection. These conditions are easily sorted with pessaries inserted per rectum. Your body heat melts the healing chemicals and absorbs them into your system. Unfortunately some of the foul-smelling liquid tends to dribble into your pants, leading people to believe you're doubly incontinent. Still, you can't have everything. ;o))) X

Capricorn the Goat There's no easy way to say this so I'll get straight to the point. You stink, mate! Yes, we know you're a goat and they're not exactly famous for being fragrant, but you niff like you've spent all night in a midden, then been tethered to a hot radiator. Invest in the goaty version of Head and Shoulders - Horns and Haunches - and shampoo the poo out of your hair. You'll never pull a Nanny while you smell like Lucifer's lavvy after a dose of amoebic dysentery. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aquarius the Water Carrier Carrying too much water? Weighed down, bloated? Swollen ankles, distended stomach? Puffy face, bags under the eyes? Man, are you a swampdonkey or what? Seriously, most of us suffer from fluid retention at times, when we're premenstrual, or just plain obese. Too much sodium chloride can cause water to collect in your tissues, so buy shares in Kleenex and stop heaping salt on your chips. In fact, stop eating chips altogether, you slaggy old bloater. ;o))))

Thanks that is so true i'm having it done tomorrow, also my nails Thanks again

Kim that describes my brother purrrfectly, his hair is getting too long but he refuses to get it cut and if he gets any more spots he'll look like a lepard with chicken pox and measles and zits! well he is a spoty teenager!

Kim it's like you can see me through the screen - Aquarius by the way lol !! Maz. XX

LOL Maz! My daughter is an Aquarian and she said the same!! Nudging This for Lemon!! ;o)))

Jean - Any more medical problems and you can always ask my advice hun!! ;o))) Kim X