General Chat

Emma - sorry I misunderstood your meaning I think but I agree with Georgette. Hubby and I are a team. He earns it I spend it! lol Seriously, he earns OUR money and I look after OUR children and OUR home. We are both dependent on his job but I don't have to ask for anything. We discuss major purchases and the rest we trust each other on. My ex husband demanded to know to the last penny how much I spent every day even though he was the student and I was earning the money. I never resented earning for both of us. He is a very clever man and his studies were very important. He couldn't afford me the same respect though and insisted on controlling every aspect of our lives. Don't know if any of that helps but if you and your OH have a great relationship and respect and value each other then he won't feel like the breadwinner and you won't feel dependent on him. Daisy

Emma When the time comes get applying for your Working/Child Tax Credit. I don't quite know how it works as a friend of mine can only get the Child Tax Credit part of it and she's on 22K, with one child. However my cousin and her husband have two children, she is the head of the Home Care Service for the elderly and disabled etc, and he is a Building Society Manager, and they get it in full. I am hazarding a guess at their income but I bet I'm not far wrong if I guess in the region of 50K. Get applying, they can only say yay or nay!! Dianne xx

Hi emma Georgette has siad it all.......... when your a family your a team and there is no You or me. My husband and I are the same ........ we have a joint account and 2 credit crads and every thing comes out of that one pot...... I've ONLY just returned to part time, term time work last year, not for dependence or fincail reasons but my children are now 9 & 14 and there is only so much housework and cooking etc I want to do whilst they are at school. In their younger days , as babies, I had felt a wee bit like you however you'll soon come to know that being a stay at home mum is actually UNDERPAID work LOL!! Although the rewards are amazing!! Much happiness Debi

Hello Emma, I think I understand what you mean and I've just had a chat with my OH and this is how we deal with the situation. When I gave up my job to have children it was a joint decision that we took for our family. We both knew that with one of us at home our life would be easier and we'd have more time at the weekends to be together. We felt that our quality of life would be better, even if financially things would be more tricky. We see ourselves as a team. OH goes out to work to earn money to feed, clothe and house us, and I stay at home to bring up our children and to look after our house. We have a joint account with two credit cards and we both spend what we want. I look after the accounts for the house. I now do some work from home because I'm lucky enough to have a job that lets me do that, but I've always managed to feel positive about the choice we made and not in the least like a kept woman! Lol! Hope this helps :o) Helenxxx

Hi Emma It's a bit like when you you are retired like we are, and no independent wage or spends, you will be ok and it sound's like Keith won't be questioning all the time what you are spending money on!!! Good luck by the way.

Hi all, It's not at all the fact that we would struggle financially, the worry is more towards getting my head around being dependant for everything - I don't know how to put into words what exactly my thoughts are!! We wouldn't qualify for any tax credit help - so if I want to save something up for presents etc. I think I'll have to put housekeeping away. I'm not aloud (that sounds really bad!) to do a bit of cleaning or ironing or shop work for extra money. I really appreciate all your thoughts ladies - you've been a great help. I know people who have a very comfortable life of raising a family on one good salary, but asking the women how they deal with it is a bit too personal face to face. It maybe doesn't bother them being entirely look after but I don't want to pry - hence asking on here. x

Emma If I'd waited until I felt financially secure I'd only have had my first child a couple of years ago! Eldest was unplanned but I gave up my job when she was born almost 20 years ago and haven't been back to work since, although I did do secretarial work from home on and off for several years to provide a few extras. We've had some very lean years, nearly had to sell the house twice and holidays were non existent and then very basic and unexotic until a few years ago. I'm very fortunate, my youngest is 12 now and I could return to work but don't want to unless something turns up that really appeals. Meanwhile, hubby retires in 5 years so perhaps I'll return to work then! Go for it, save what you can until the first bundle comes along and then just enjoy it! Daisy

if you have a baby then youll find away of managing birthdays christmas they are all a stress but youll cope, i hope you have patter of tiny feet soon, make the most of practising cos the little darlins wont let you when they arrive ! lol

Emma I earned stacks more when I worked full-time (before kids). But a lot of my salary went on paying for a season ticket into London, working lunches, drinks after work, posh work clothes etc. I was a full-time mum until my younger child started school. I did a bit of colour clinic/makeup and selling cleaning products and a bit of proof-reading for an ex-work colleague to earn a bit. Now I earn peanuts (though I love my job). Husband earns quite a bit, but no jobs are secure these days and he has been made redundant a couple of times, which was a little scary, though in each case he'd got another job within a month. I could work full time and earn more, but I'd probably be paying for a cleaner to do the house! Try saving your salary into a separate account and seeing if you can live off your husband's earnings. Then your savings will be a handy nest-egg when the baby comes. nell

I think the limit for the tax credit is about £52K isn't it?

I did Betterware for 3 years until I had my second son (he then screamed as soon as I put him in the pram!!) So I gave that up as soon as I could and got a little part-time job at Sainsbury's in the evenings. Things do just fall into place and you'll find your own way of doing things. Good luck Julie xx

I look at is as my hubby gives me housekeeping ie 'paying' me to do a job. Looking after the house and home. If I save on the housekeeping eg spend less on the groceries, I keep the difference. I also did some book keeping from home, Avon ect for a bit of pocket money because I felt mean taking 'his' money out of the joint account to buy him a birthday present. Now I do a few hours in a chemist every week. Your own system will fall into place. Honestly. Good luck! ;o) Claire xx

Emma, my husband earns a good wage, but we are still entitled to the minimum of tax credit, so will you be. Heather

Have another talk to him, explain that you dread losing your independance, if you have your own account ask him if you can pay £10 a month into it from the joint account, put the child allowance in there. start saving a bit before you leave work so you have built a bit up. Don't be deceitful about it, tell him why you are doing it, if he is reasonable he will understand. Ann Glos

Thank you all so much, You're all right I'm sure but I can't help worrying. Keith's clearly said - umpteen times - that I'll just have to take what I need when I need it - if I want a new ....... just get it. It's not an issue as far as he's concerned. I just feel like I'll probably feel a bit hopeless when the time comes - if I depend on him for everything. My worry is more towards the birthday's etc. - having to put bit's of housekeeping money away to save up for his presents, kind of thing. At the minute I think that seems a bit rotten of me - save up HIS money to buy HIS present !! lol Don't think we'd be entitled to the tax credit thing - but don't know - his salary is quite high, so I'd have to look into that. Em x

Emma Things like birthdays and christmas presents can be bought during the year when you spot bargains and then stored away. People laugh at me for doing this but it really does work as I can sit back in December and watch everyone else run around like headless chickens trying to get everything while still making ends meet. Don't use the expensive clothes shops for your child (except maybe for special occasions) as they grow too fast. Try places like Asda, La Redoute, Peacocks etc. Don't be averse to checking out charity shops either especially for baby clothes. So many babies get so many clothes as newborn gifts then they end up in the charity shops still unworn and in their original wrappers. Even the pound shops have decent clothes. When Brendan was 12 days old I bought some shirts at 2 for £1.00 which he is just growing into now, he is 5. One thing I would advise though is never to compromise on shoes, always get their feet measured. Claim everything but everything you are entitled to such as Working Tax Credit/Child Tax Credit. Don't feel guilty - it's yours. Good luck for trying for your baby, and when it does arrive - enjoy!! Dianne xx

Emma its amazing how you manage, ok all those great holidays might go so might a lot of other things, but believe me there's nothing like being at home with you baby, anyway in 4/5 yrs you could go out part time, give it a go. Good Luck here's hoping Norah

Hi Emma, my oldest child is nearly 21 now, don't know where the time went. We didn't need two wages either although things were tight and when she was almost 1 yr old I got a Saturday job in a shop which helped with money, got me out , gave Dad some fun and gave me a social life! I didn't do any more hours until my third was at full time school, nearly 7 years later, because small children go down with so many coughs and colds that you want to stay home with them. My youngest is now 14 and I work 5 mornings in a school so I am home with him most of the holidays. I chose to be my children's main carer and I'm glad I did, you just have to go without all the treats but I wouldn't have missed their daily lives for anything. So enjoy your babies when they arrive!

many years ago I also saved child benefit (such as it was then), i also took small part time jobs like party plan selling, avon type selling, I bought a knitting machine and sold children's sweaters etc. you could do a boot sale occasionally, it all mounts up, utilise any talents you have to make money. don't put off having children because you think you will miss the money to spend on yourself. have you discussed this with your husband. he might agree to give you a small allowance monthly for your own use. Ann Glos

I save the family allowance too, its surprising how it adds up, Teri x