General Chat

Many of us have been using this site for a long long time now and know our way around it. I know of a couple of people who have been put off this site by member's attitudes towards them when they have 'made mistakes'. Is it too much to ask people to be a little more tolerant and even pleasant to newbies?

I think the best advice is... if you find yourself getting frustrated with questions on the Records Office and Tips Boards... just walk away! Someone else will answer! Just don't answer if you are feeling frustrated at all!

but their comes a point..... like this afternoon i got to the point of screaming when no ammount of trying to expain to a 'newby' the way to post a reply ON THE THREAD, and they took no notice. i know fully well they were reading the replies as they sent me umpteen PM's in answer to my Q's. How do you explain ,in an endeavour to get the info they want in a form they can understand, if you cannot get them to do 'basics'? it gets very VERY frustrating at times, and yes, walk away but ...its soooooo frustrating when you can see what they want and they dont grasp the straw Alice ------------------------------------------------------------------- here is a PM she sent me(identifing details deleted) Subject : Back to ****** How about the Maiden name of Harriet 1812. Reply Delete --------------------------------------------------------------------- and another ... H****** was born about 1813 Married J**** J*****,senior,born1910, had H****** born 1832,blakenly.norfolk. I am very new at all this.

Yes, there is another side to this. The problem with the internet is that it is incredibly hard to convey expressions correctly through text. We say things how we would say them 'in the real world' forgetting that our facial expressions and body language convey much of the 'tone' of what we say. Therefore it is easy to come across wrong or be misunderstood by others. I probably sound quite harsh at times on the boards when I don't mean to be. Some people are overly sensitive and really do take things the wrong way!

i think the ''look it up yourself on ancestry. its free'' however worded, is coming across as harsh, and is being posted ever such a lot recently. not saying it shouldnt be, but must be a bit daunting! Alice

Anything is easy when you know how!

It is, but in this case, three times i replied on the thread how to post a reply on the thread, still the PM's continued. Fine, she didnt know how. I explained so did others still Pm's Surely that justifies me being frustrated? not with her, but with having to cut and paste 4 PM's onto the thread?

Yes Ginny - I know exactly where you are coming from - patience is a virtue isnt it? LOL I remember when I was a newbie and instead of adding to the thread I PM'd the person who had posted it! It was Grampa Jim - who never batted an eyelid - just PM'd me right back! (Bless!) ;o))) Kim x

I think you just have to walk away sometimes. I just don't answer most of the 'lookups' queries anymore because all I'm going to do is direct them to ancestry indexes.

Yes I agree Kim I did the same as you and think it was Grampa Jim who emailed me back no bother at all and the number of other mistakes - well! but if I had been snapped at I would'n t have come back on. I think a lot of people who come on here are older so not only are they having to work out tracing their family but having to cope with a computer, I know I did and still doing so and still making so many mistakes Norah

What I have found with some newbies is that they dont know how to add to the message boards, and there is no explanation to do it on the home page ie; dont know what thread is do not know how to post onto a thread how to find one of there threads and its not that easy to explain in text to someone if they dont know how to do this, that might be why she kept pm you, because she was clicking under your name and not add reply, How do we get round this only by patience I suppose Babs

I have also noticed quite a few terse replies recently...and they do read as being unnecessarily harsh and quite off putting. I would be afraid to try again if I received such a put down. I am very slow on the computer and also sometimes not very quick witted. I didn't know what a 'thread' was or 'PM' and other such language. It takes time to learn these things. A little patience is all that is required. Most people on here are only too willing to help and with good grace it is only the few who appear abrupt. Beryl x

Hi Ginny Haven't seen you about for ages:) I agree with you totally. I've always felt there are some people who answer with weary and dutiful irritation and it's not just newbies who receive those sort of replies. I've never understood why people help unless they really want to try and help rather than to 'put someone right' or to complain about the way a question is worded and so on. Yes, it might be the umpteenth time someone more experienced has dealt with a thread where the person hasn't given all the info they could or hasn't tried the obvious but it might be the first time that person has used the boards or asked for help. We all have different levels of understanding and work at different speeds and I wish ther was a bit more tolerance from that. Equally, I don't like to see people told off because they ask for help 'too often' or because their grammar/ literacy or setting out of their question/ information isn't good enough for the person who chooses to help. If you don't feel like helping don't help!! Of course there are people who take advantage but if anyone feels like that why not just leave them alone and let someone else deal with them (or not). We're lucky on here that there are so many helpful and kind people who will go out of their way to help others but if even one person is put off from asking for help because of the attitudes of others I think that's a shame.

I think when starting to do family research its easy to get excited and rush ahead a little,,iv been researching for over 11 years now and i remember how in the begining i would eagerly jump on every bit of info available, relevent or not, One of things i enjoy most is the reward i get from helping others and especially newbies,

I'm still a relative newbie and ask questions that are probably dumb, but I agree that even I lose patience FOR you, reading requests like 'I've looked EVERYWHERE' and it turns out they have just looked at their hotmatches or something. If I need help I usually say 'I haven't looked anywhere BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW. could someone please direct me'. I don't expect people to do my work for me. I think that people are justified in getting impatient with some people obviously expecting all the work done for them....however, people can still be polite and in the main, I think the people here are fantastic! Claire xx

Just a thought Would it be worth posting a thread on here entitled 'HOW TO USE THE GR BOARDS' Adding info on What a thread is, what a post is, what the individial boards are for SHOUTING ...where appropriate and not. How to post on trying to find board. Nudging How to search for threads going beyond page 20 on a thread How to change text size how to remove lines from under posts and other tips revelent to posting. The thread can be nudged when ever it needs to and can be brought up in search box (like my abbrieviations thread) Elaine x

to do that on the Gen Board Elaine , is a waste of time. They are already on tips and records Umpteen times, and are explained 'on thread' where needs be .......

Why a waste of time ? They may be on tips and records, but not on General. I thought it a good idea, for those who are newbies and have no idea what the boards are all about Sometimes its easier to say 'Have a read of this thread' Rather than get all wound up trying to answer a question asked by the thread origionator. Elaine x

because it would drop off the first page every five minutes, that is all. It is irksom (and only irksome) if a newby can find he relevant 'click' spots to post a message, that they seemingly cannot find the elevant one to reply with! I have patience , and lots of it, and DO enjoy helping people, find it quite satifying actually. BUT maybe you could do one Elaine and see how effective it is Alice

I agree with Elaine's suggestion. With so many TV shows, newspaper and magazine articles around now on the subject of ancestor-hunting, many more people are going to try their hand at it. Not all of them will be familiar with using a PC (many will be adults using a PC they've bought for their children but don't know much about), and not everyone who uses a PC is familiar with the terms used in IT or belongs to websites which require them to 'post' on 'threads' or use standardised posting rules. It can also be confusing to find different websites using different rules, site layouts and methods of posting. I think it would be best if GR made it compulsory for new members to find their way onto the Boards via an 'instruction manual' pathway. That would mean everyone could at least have the opportunity of reading 'how to'. I think Elaine's list of abbreviations and a glossary of genealogical terms would be valuable additions to a 'Greetings, Newbie!' package. I've never owned a mobile phone, so sometimes I need to refer to lists to find out what abbreviations and symbols mean. I can't be bothered learning too much of the intricacies of website usage, apart from the rules of the few genealogy ones to which I subscribe. It's not necessary to me and, unfortunately, I've other things to do with my time. Around 18 months ago, when Bendy Wendy and I joined this site for the first time, we were both shocked by how rude and unhelpful most people were when responding to our initial posts seeking guidance. We both found that put us off joining in the banter or posting on this Gen Board for quite some time. I find now, having gained some experience of researching, that many 'old hands' have very rigid attitudes and post scathing remarks or replies. Having learned at last year's SoG lectures that 'There's more than one way to skin a cat', I find the inflexibility of those people unhelpful and irritating. I also find it annoying, when I ask questions and say that I've already Googled and looked at websites on a specific subject, to receive replies on my thread which direct me to Google or to websites I've already seen. If I've said I've already done it, what's the point in telling me to do it again? If I post a specific question, I'd like to know if someone has the answer to that question and will kindly tell me, as I would' if the boot were on the other foot'. Obviously, 'it takes all sorts', but it doesn't do to be too sensitive in this game. Maybe GR should print that as a warning to newbies signing up too! CB >|<