General Chat

My 18 yr-old son turned down his university place offers and works part time in a hotel. He has no plans to go into any kind of higher education at the moment and my husband thinks we should charge him board. The trouble is, every time we mention any sum to him he flips his lid! Can anone steer me in the right direction here?

I used to pay my mum 25% of what i brought home every week,not a set sum...its still at lot cheaper than what he would be paying if he ran a house BB xx

depends what you do for him V what he earns...and what he spends it on! ok, so he flips his lid, food doesnt grow on trees...well...ok...

Our grandaughter when she first came to live with us 5 years ago wasnt earning that much,but we felt that she should contribute to the household as anything we spent providing for her was extra. we both retired so on pensions. We charged her eighty pounds a month which she was happy with. It covered everything .food ,washing(which she has a lot of!!) and her room. I did stipulate tho that she did her ironing & keep her room clean. Shirley

Going back a long time now. When my son started work he was on a YTS and got £40 per week, he used to give me £10 no quibles. I did do his packing out of this. So I should imagine a similar percentage wouldn't be asking too much. When he left home 4 year ago he was giving us £30. Never heard a complaint form him. Think he knew he was a good thing. It is best they contribute something as it teaches them the value of money, my lad lives on his own in his own house now and thanks me for showing him the right attitude to money. If he moans tell him OK buy your own food and do your own laundry etc. Germaine x

How about charging him 20% of what he takes home. You can then decide to save this for him if that is an option (without him knowing) And return it at some point in the future when you think its appropriate. Young people today need all the help they can get into understanding finances as an Independant Financial Adviser and father of two young daughters I see the pitfalls of this age/time of no savings. Regards, Lester

Hi BB, that sounds reasonable, he just doesn't have any idea about adult responsibility. Because he works in a hotel he doesn't often eat main meals here and of course he's out with friends a lot; I said to him that the home is still here for him to uses when he needs it and therefore he should contribute.

I'm not sure how you can get through to him, he obviously didn't expect to have to pay his keep. maybe run through how much it costs to feed him, then a bit about utility bills. Then show him how much it would cost to rent a flat. I don't think you can ask a realistic figure from him unless he is earning good money. actually whatw e did with ours, we took money off both of them for their keep, then when they bought their first house, daughter was married and 20 in 1981 and son was 19 and single in1986, we gave all we had taken back to them (we had kept it in a separate building society account. we didn't really want their money but wanted them to feel theyw ere paying their way. Ann glos

To be honest i've never payed my parents rent, but I pay £90 a week rent for a self- catering ensuite study bedroom in a shared flat on the uni campus and then have my food bills on top. You could try working out what it would cost for him to move out and feed himself and then under cut it. At the end of the day id he refuses to pay you rent, he could always move out, pay more and deal with the land lord. Forgot to say that I do pay for shopping once in every 3-4 weeks (4 of us at home when I'm there) but mum tries to pay me back every time!

absolutely he should pay you board! I gave up uni to work part time and gain some work experience but I would never have expected my parents to keep me. After all, it was my choice to give up my education. My mum charged me a nominal £10 per week (more for the sake of teaching me value of money) until I got a 'proper job' then we re-negotiated. If he doesn't pay board, get him his own phone line, make him go to the laundrette to do his own washing ect. If he was at uni he would have had to learn to manage! Claire xx

Put it this way... 2 years ago (When I was 21) I moved out and was paying AT LEAST £650 -£700 a month in rent, bills, council tax etc! Given the choice of that or living at home, having meals cooked for me and washing done for me just for a couple of hundred quid a month... I know what I'd pick! lol Becx

I used to pay 25% to my parents and I remember thinking how hard done to I was! Then when I got married and ran my own home I realised what a good deal 25% was!! I would be so happy now to only have 25% of our income go on household and have 75% for everything else :) My hubby also paid 25% of his income too so sounds quite a standard amount. Joanne

Wow, lots of replies, thank-you everyone! I do all his washing and ironing plus have food available if he wants it. I also have to nag him constantly to remove his dirty clothes and actually put them in the wash instead of leaving them on the bathroom floor (is this normal???) and to remove towels from his room. Then there is the phone, tv, internet, etc etc, and I feel that for nothing he should certainly pull his weight. As it is he only helps out if we moan at him.

As he is paying every week or month,whichever he gets paid,it should become second nature,for that to be the first payout he does. BB xx

Hi Helen, Like BB's Mum, most of my friends charged a percentage of take home pay - said this was fairer for all their children, rather than a flat rate for all, when earnings varied. Most of them also stipulated what it covered - and what it DID not cover (e.g prolonged phone calls, special beauty products etc) Your son has to learn to appreciate living and household expenses and also how to budget for things he wants. If it was his choice to enter the big bad world, then he has to accept the financial responsibilities this incurs. Jay

Absolutely he should pay! I agree that 25% of net income is a good rule of thumb. Liz x

Thanks to all of you. He's gone to work now, having spent last night and all today at a friends then 10 mins here showering and sorting himself out before work. I am really fed up with his attitude! His sister is at uni and pays all her own rent and food etc, we just cover her tuition and uni costs and help her with her car so she can actually get to her job. Moan over !! I'll print this off for him and leave it on his bed for him to read later. Cheers!

Hallo Helen! If my kids don't keep their rooms tidy I threaten to collect everything off the floor and put it in the dustbin - so far its worked. They are 14 and nearly 12 now. I expect them to help with putting clean clothes away and emptying the dishwasher. Generally I have to remind (or as they put it 'nag') them to do it, but they do. I've told them both if they don't move out when they are 18 I am going to sell the house and move to a one-bedroom bungalow! nell

Claire, we did that with ours too. They have to learn that everything has to be paid for Linda. Having said that, I still did the washing, etc. but they will help in their own way too. Shopping, the odd hoovering, dishes, making a cuppa, just your average family type life really. He should pay something, no matter how low you are prepared to ask. Deanna X

Hi Nell, how are you doing? I think I've been too soft on him over the years. Many thanks to everyone for all the ideas.