General Chat

Hi all Ive had such an intresting time finding out all my family tree but one big mystery. my dear mum now 82 and her brother were put into an orphanage at a very young age 1928ish and to this day have never known the reason why. sadly her brother has died i found out she has a half sister from her mums first marrige. 2 cut a long story short i contacted the NCH and 2 my supprise they have got her file, we have a meeting there tommorow she was so up for it but now feeling apprehensive. what do u think. Am i opening up a can of worms ? should we leave the past ? Id really hate to upset her if its something bad? emma

Now you've got this far, how can she ever feel comfortable knowing she's close enough to touch the truth but hasn't reached out for it. I think she needs to decide for herself. And I'm sure NCH will be very experienced and sympathetic at the meeting. If your mum can't decide now then maybe you could put the meeting off and talk to NCH about her fears - perhaps they could help her with her decision or put her in touch with someone who could talk her through it. Angela

hi emma. i was also in childrens homes and foster care when i was a child. i have always wanted to know why, so a few years ago i did the research, but unfortunately, couldnt find out the whole story as i have many siblings and they were on the paper work, so a lot of what was written was blacked out. i still yearn to know why i was 'in care' but doubt i will ever find out. live to regret it, rather than die not knowing. (thats not meant to sound harsh so deepest apologies if it does.) good luck to you and your mum. xx

nudge

Thanks angela and babydoll[im sorry 2 hear but hope things work out 4 you[] I think well just go along and have no regretsxxx

nudge

thats my girl! i have lived with that moto all my life and to be honest... there are very few things i've regreted. at least i can say 'i did it'. good luck hun. xx

thanks for that as she says she has been through so much i could write a list but shes allways said im a tough old boot thats what made her the fantastic person she is!

nudge

Hi Emma, I have quite a similar situation with my Nan - won't go into details, but up until now she has never been able to face knowing the reasons behind her Mum's behaviour. Finally, at the age of 85, she has made the decision and asked me to find out what I can. I just hope she hasn't left it too late. If you talk to her, she will know what the right decision is. Hope you get on OK. Sharonxx

Hi emma, I have just recently applied to see my file through the social services to find out exactly why I ended up in a home. I too am very apprehensive but at the same time you need to know what happened to you and regardless of what happened it doesn't change who I am today. It is out of interest more than anything. I think you should encourage her and get her to go. As said before you have come this far. Good luck I hope it all goes well. Regards Mags

Emma I think she is very natural to feel cold feet, but you've got this far, and I think she might feel happier knowing than not knowing. nell

whose idea was it to seek out the file.hers or Yours? maybe she thought you'd get no-where , so just agreed for you to do it. Now you have access to it, she may wish she hadnt gone along with you. I firmly believe that if the person doing the looking for the info isnt the person themselves, then no-one should look. She is now in the spot where you have done it and she has gone along with it.backing out now, she'll feel she will possibly let you down. If you are responsible for opening the can, you'll have to deal with the consequences- except you wont...she'll have to. sorry, i dont think you should go.

nudge

hello jess well shes been facinated by what ive found out and felt enthusiastic so far i suppose its the unknown we both feel

nudge

Its not actually going to change much in your life though, is it?

nudge

Emma Ultimately this is a decision for your mother. Whatever opinions everyone else on these boards has, you and she shouldn't let them affect what you do. nell

It's got to be yr mum's decision only. It's essentially her past rather than yours. I understand the 'need to know' and the apprehension. I don't know many people who regret having found the information out about their past.