General Chat

Your not going to like me after this but i've kept ot for thirty years hidden inside,,,an youll know why i hate myself,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Our house is small three bed end terrace,when we bought it dad was a sitting tennant,we had two kids in a six by seven bedroom,dad had middle room,me and dad had been arguing a lot,one evening he was in his room i was ironing an started to get angry and ,well i though if he was dead!! my problems would be solved,Paul went upstairs half our later,,Dad was dead in bed,,,, 3rd June 1976 age 59,,,,,,,,,,my fault

Gwen, (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) It's not your fault. You don't have that power honey. It's just a coincidence. I'm so sorry that you've had to carry that with you but you must let it go now. I'm sure your father would not have wanted you to feel this way. You take care. I know it's a hard day for you today! x lesley

you are too hard on yourself. if you really feel that is the case, then maybe professional councilling would help you. You obviously need help to come to terms with the fact that your fathers death was not of your doing.

Gwen, I know it's hard but it's NOT your fault. Please try to get over your guilt. As Lesley said you don't have that power - none of us have. However long we're around on this earth is probably already decided anyway. You were young and in a stressful situation - you snapped. Today and tomorrow will be hard, but it's harder because his death was so sudden. Take care Christine xx

Oh Gwen, what a hard day for you today, But really you and i both know it was not your fault your dad died. I know this doesnt stop the guilt, But honestly, non of us here on this earth are god, nor do we have ' special powers', we cannot influence others actions or feelings, by a random bad thought... Imagine the world if we could... there would be nobody left in it! No matter how much we wish for something to happen, we will not influence that decision... it is up to, Fate, destiny, Karma, God will, Human nature, the way of Life.... whatever... but not.. because of something we feel want to happen. Gwen, Your dad died because of something within his genetic makeup... something in this dictated how his physiology would progress throughout your dads life... Yes ;lifestyle plays a tiny part... But sadly.. its mainly down to the genes you are born with that dictate your life... and definately Nothing at all to do with someone elses thoughts. Gwen, you know you loved your dad, he would have known that too... we all have silly thoughts about those we love from time to time, but heaven forbid, we dont really mean them, not if we were put to the test... Please try to put this behind you now... Live on in the knowledge that you did love your dad, and that it was his body that finally let him down, not his daughter. much love xxxx

Morning Gwen, not your fault. Just an awful coincedence. I think though we would all have the same feelings of guilt as you but like others have said, you do not have that power. Hope you get through today ok. I hope it has helped to tell on here. Take Care, Hilary.

Dragonfly, I'm sorry you've been burdened with guilt for so long as I believe that what happened 30 years ago was a dreadful coincidence and nothing to do with you whatsoever. Everyone has a fleeting, bad thought from time to time but normally it passes as did yours, I'm sure. Unfortunately for you, a terrible tragedy happened that would've happened anyway, regardless of what you were thinking at the time. My Christian faith teaches me that nothing you could have said, thought or done would've made an iota of difference as we have no power to cause a life to end so it's time so let go of the past and be free to enjoy the future.... I think that everyone can learn from your thread that life is precious and we need to make the very best of it, whatever situation we are in, as you never know what is round the corner. God bless, Aileenx

Gwen, Listen to Em and the others. They are talking sense. We all carry hidden burdens of irrational guilt with us and sometimes they come to the surface. Take care, Gwynne

Gwen, I'm so pleaseed that you have shared this after so long. I trust that you feel better. It's important to remember that emotions are not a good guide to live by, and guilt is destructive. What I would do, is to do something to draw a line under the past by dong something specific. For example, I would wait until I had the house to myself, and go into that room, and say goodbye, and ask God to take care of him (even if you don't believe in God). Or sit there and deliberately remember the good times, and how much you loved him. When ever you feel guilty, remember the good times. Hopefully, the guilt will fade. I'm praying for you. Love and Hugs Anne

Gwen, it is not your fault....Have you never spoken about it before ?Thinking of you all day....Will e-mail you....It would have been my Dad's birthday today....

dear gwen, i also did the same thing, i was 10 i even had his doctors appointment cause he had been having headaches and i had stomache ache he told mum to swap appointments she did he died a week later even tho i hated him i still think what if so i know how you feel but it isnt our fault honest xxx

I think what you had was a sixth sense. You didn't CAUSE it but subconciously you knew it had happened and the practical aspect of it occurred to your stressed and tired mind before the emotional effect did. That would make you think it had happened BECAUSE you had those thoughts. It didn't. Please don't feel guilty for something you had no control over at all. Sending a hug to help you through the weekend Mags xxx

Dragonfly What can I say but agree with everyone else ... it was not your fault ... please try and think of any good times you did have together today (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Julie xx

Hugs for you today, Gwen. XX BC

Course its not your fault and Im going to tell you a similar story Gwen. About ten years ago I was at work when the lodgeman said Ive just had phone call off Dean one of my staff to say he wouldnt be in his wife had died! The day after Dean came in and I said the lodgeman said your wife had died! He was only about 30 he laughed and said I should be so lucky it was my father in law. The day after Deans wife dropped dead aged 28 the shock of her Dad dying. When I saw Dean again he was distraught he said Dave when I said that it was only a joke like people say he was so beating himself up about it. I said I didnt think it was anything else its just the sort of remark we all make that is not meant to be taken for real! Davexx God bless you Gwenxx

Listen to everyone Gwen . It wasn't your fault. Just a bad coincidence. Don't blame yourself fro things out of your control. Take Care Germaine x

Dear Gwen, please do not beat yourself up over something over which you had no control................we all have bad thoughts, do stupid things which we regret, believe me you are not on your own................ Barbara..xx..xx..xx

Hi Gwen I live in a similar situation as you did with your Dad, we're with my FIL. I can really understand why you felt like you did, I often think the same (hasn't worked yet though!). It's the logical solution to the situation and nobody wants to live in an unhappy home. It's not healthy for two generations to live together like this, different ideas, different standards, different values etc, add in the kids and what you have is a VERY stressful situation. I agree with Mags about Sixth Sense. I think sometimes we have the ability to tune into something that we don't understand. When I was 9 years old walking home from school, a thought popped into my head that my Mum wouldn't be there as my 12 year old brother had a accident. He had a very serious accident a few days later - he was hit by a coach ended up in Intensive Care and permantly lost the sight of one of his eyes. Thankfully he did survive and has done well in his life. If only I could have warned him. My Dad wouldn't have coped without my Mum, and I said angerly once I hope you go before her - within 6 months he was dead. So Gwen - please do not blame yourself. It's a significant anniversary today for him. Spend today thinking about the good times and lay some flowers on his grave. I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to carry this burden for the rest of your life, enjoy what you have. Look after yourself Rachelxx

Sweets I have no more words to add than others have already said!! I too in the 6 months I had Daddy lost it once or twice and regret that every single day BUT I can't change it and i know he forgives me..... just as your dad will have forgiven you for your thoughts!! HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS Diana xx

If it's your fault DL, then it's my fault that my father died 9 days after my F-i-L, as I was at the hospital bedside and was saying with real conviction, that it should be my father (he was never a dad to me) not my F-i-L whome I loved like a dad, we all some times wish for some thing then it happens, but that is how life is, it's not us wishing that make things happen, they happen for a reason, so time for you to let go of the guilt, and stop beating your self up over some thing you had no control over. Bev