General Chat

Oh! Gaynor, such a hard thing to face, in my case it is the opposite as Stephen did not live with me, so when somebody says this was your Stephens do you want it, I grab it. His youngest Brother has got a lot of his clothes folded neatly at the bottom of the wardrobe just so they are there. But Gaynor, I bet your Mum was with you whilst you were doing it, and blessing you for being so thoughtful and loving-God Bless you dear one.

Gaynor.. So hard!! thinking of you... Take your time.. Pat x

Gaynor, I feel very close to you on this....... My dad died a year ago, Today, and I also have stuff of his that I just cant throw away..........Decisions, I hate these kind of decisions......... Bob

Thankyou so much... each one for your replies... you have made me feel normal. It's so hard to let go of Mum and yet I want her to be happy, I want her to be able to move on and I don't want to hold her back. I am sure she is with me because so many times I hear her voice in my head, answering me in my thoughts... I know this must sound daft but its true. Thankyou for sharing you losses with me Gaynor :-)

Gaynor, thinking of you at this time. I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling as I am lucky enough to still have my parents, they are in their sixties, I know the day will come when I will be in your situation and I dont know how I will get through it, but as others have said the memories of your dear Mum will be with you forever and she is watching over you. God Bless Sue

Gaynor, I am sure your lovely Mum is supporting you as you begin this task and you will know what to do and how to deal with at as you go on. Some things you find will make you smile and some weep, but it is all part of the healing process and time will help you, your memories will never leave you. My brothers got a skip outside my Mum's council owned house and the biggest regret I have is that I let the scrapbook she had made of the condolence cards when my Dad died 5 years before, go into it. I can't think why I didn't hang on to it, but they were pushing me so I didn't know what I was doing. I still have a lot of things stored away never touched since that day, but will have to face them sometime and sort them, can't leave it all for my son as I am such a hoarder too. My intention is to sort some of my personal belongings so that one box has old love letters and such like that mean something to me, but maybe my son wouldn't want to read, so I will label it and he can just burn it if he doesn't want to read any of it. Anything to help him through what will be a difficult time for him, with no siblings or other parent to help. I hope he ends up with a caring understanding partner to help him through all sad and difficult times, it will make all the difference. Bless you, love, as you work through the things, and be sure June will be guiding you too. Liz

I wish i could hug u,but i can't so sending u all the love i have.xxx

I have kept all the condolences from GR in a display book (well I need to get a couple more actually cos there so many some are loose in the back) I took great comfort from those. Thankyou, everyone, you all help me so much when I feel down. No one can ever prepare you for losing someone so close to you can they?... because words don't even come close. My Mum was the closest person to me, she loved me unconditionally and I could talk to her about absolutely anything. Something happened yesterday with my daughter and I had to really think about how to handle it, I said to Sam 'I wish I could ask your Nan' and I looked at her photo and giggled and said ' Yes, your laughing your head off now aren't you?' She always used to find it funny when I had to handle a situation that she had had to deal with with me when I was young. 'Payback'. But it's funny because I DID hear her voice in my head saying 'keep her close' I'm rambling... Thanks again... Gaynor xxx :-)

June would not envy you this task Gaynor and she would understand the things you have to throw away or give to a charity, she would also know how your feeling about having to do all this, so worry not. Not an easy job for you, but in its small way might help you even just a little. ((Hugs)) Donna

Gaynor - Just to say I'm thinking of you at this time. With love, Beryl x

Gaynor I never knew your mom but reading this sobbing my heart out - my dad died 28 years ago and I can still remember that Saturday morning my mom phoned me and said she could not wake up my dad. When sorting out his clothes and found some money mom said he always said I would have all his money. I smoked his last ciggie. Time is a great healer and I do believe in talking about him . even now. You do things in your own time love, your mom is looking down on you and guiding you. Take one day at a time. Love Mary in Spain xx

Gaynor, did you get my PM? Jenny xx

Huge hug cos I had to do exactly the same thing 3 months ago as you know..... it hurt like hell and I did exactly the same as you did.... gave away bits, kept bits and charity shopped the rest!! From what i knew of your Ma, she wouldn't want you sad sweetie and she wouldn't want a shrine either!! Lots of Love xx

Gaynor, It is a very hard thing sorting out clothes,etc each thing seems to have its own special memory. Is it something you want to do by yourself or could someone help you. Thinking of you. love Sue x

Diana - you're absolutely right, Mum wouldn't want me sad or a shrine just as you say. Hope your feeling ok hunny, have been thinking about you. This is something I felt I needed to do on my own, my daughter would, no doubt, have liked to have a rumage but I would have only ended up getting 'stressed' at her and that wouldn't have helped either of us. It's not all done yet by a long shot but at least I have made a start sorting out her clothes. As most of you know, Mum lived with us, we bought a house together just before Christmas last year, so alot of her things are in the house... furniture, ornaments, personal stuff... so as you can imagine it will be an ongoing process. However, I am glad really that we haven't had her house to sell now, at least I have the opportunity to do things as I'm ready and not rushing to get it done by a set date. Today I took all her medication down to the Dr's surgery, they told me they send all the left over medicines to third world countries abroad. At least I know the things that helped my Mum will be helping someone else now. :-)

Poor you, it can't be easy at all. I have a lock of my mum's hair so I will always have a real reminder of her when she goes. I know how horrible it was for my husband when his mum died two years ago. Having to throw things away that we would class as useless but that she obviously kept for a reason isn't nice. I was just looking at the birthday message your mum posted for me two years ago,which cheered me up immensely at the time, and it made me sad knowing we wouldn't see all her lovely postings anymore. Love Lorrainex

I know exactly how you feel. and it will feel strange, but like someone already said it's the memories you have that will remain with you forever. I felt very strange when I was sorting out my dads things, my Mum had died a few monthe earlier I think I knew it had to be done but it wasn't easy. I look back on the memories and the good times now. I think in time you will do the same xx