General Chat

karen....not sure about the trap thing...but if you do make sure you plan very carefully how you are going to handle the situation if you catch the friend out. I had a similar thing with my daughter and a friend....i took a more direct approach...sat daughter, friend, and my sons down...said i am not accusing anyone but money has gone missing from daughters bedroom.......if you have it please put it back.....and if it happens again then i will have to consider what i am going to do and if i need to talk to anyones parents.......then i told the girls mother what i had done. I made sure that she knew that i wasnt accusing her child....just saying it to everyone that was in the house. Mother confided in me that her daughter had also been stealing from her.....i said i didnt want to make a big deal, but i cant happen again...mother made daughter appologise and pay money back. This worked for me, but obviously your situation may be different.....there are various approaches you could take, as others have suggested....good luck with what ever way you decide to handle it. xx

sorry i didn't get back on last night. the girls comes round at 7.30 and they leave for school around 7.45(they have to be in school at 8.20). thanks for all your thoughts and suggestions.......i still don't know what to do yet....one minute i think set a trap the next i'm not sure, thanks again everyone, Karen

Ooops, Sorry to both Libby and Karen! I will delete my post in a minute. OC

It wasn't Karen who mentioned £20 per day. That was me when I mentioned something similar happened in my house earlier this year. Libby x

It is hard I know but I don't like the idea of setting a trap. I think I would tell her she has to wait downstairs for your daughter. You don't have to explain why, it is your house. If she has conscience she will guess why. If she challenges your daughter about it maybe she could say it is because her room is a tip or something. Ann Glos

Apart from the obvious reasons for stealing, which Janet has described above, and none of which apply here, children who steal for no apparent reason, are usually stealing love. This girl is envious and jealous of the love your daughter has, and wants a bit of that herself. Now, it is not YOUR job to provide this girl with love, nor to excuse her theft,but if you set a trap and catch her, what are you going to do next? Tell her mother, or try to deal with the girl yourself? This is a very difficult situation and I don't envy you one bit. Let's hope your daughter falls out with this friend, before you have to do anything about it! OC

£20 a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I don't allow MYSELF that!!! )I agree with Janet - this could be a cry for attention rather than straight forward stealing.

I wouldnt set a trap cos thats like putting temptation in their way but if I suspected somebody I would tell them to wait on the doorstep and not invite them in. I did have one incident similar and my daughter was sobbing about it so i stopped the girl from coming in as she was a friend of the eldest and stole from the youngest. She is now a mother herself and is quite polite to me when she comes into the shop

I would say to set a trap too but I wouldn't leave money - at the end of the day, how can it be proven whose money it is? If you left something that can be identified as your daughter's belongings and leave that as a trap. Make sure that it's nothing extremely expensive but that it is small enough to but in a bag or pocket. Isn't it awful that we have to become devious ourselves to catch people like this out? Best wishes, Lyn x x x

I've had a lot of experience of children stealing sweets, crisps, small change because they were hungry. That was easy to deal with. Others stole because the object was attractive and they coveted it. Again, that was reasonably easy to deal with - moral chat in general about how the victim is feeling, put yourself in their shoes, etc The hardest one to deal with was when it seemed to have a deeper cause and this could be what's happening here. Jay

At 7.30? Why is she round so early? Perhaps there is a problem at home - £20 per day sounds no substitute for proper attention and guidance. Jay

How close is your daughter to this friend Karen? If they are close friends then perhaps your daughter could bring up the subject of the earings saying that they have gone missing and as they were a gift she is really upset. She could say you have been asking her why she hasn't worn them and she doesn't know what to do. Maybe her friend could help her 'find' them as she knows they must be in her room somewhere. One thing though...hide all valuables first! :; Linda

It really is horrible. I was shocked as that was the first time anything like that had happened to my kids. Sounds to me she may have a problem, maybe is attention seeking. Could also be she is jelous of your daughters nice things. Whatever the reason there is no excuse. I know what you mean by you had a feeling. I had a gut feeling although I really didn't want to believe it.

Hi Lisa, i haven't said she did do it.....i have no proof whatsoever but there are things that i won't go into which leads me to believe that it might have been her....but i would never go out and say she did it without any proof. i hope nobody thought i was saying i was sure it was her....its just a feeling, Karen

Karen i can understand your concerns but i always say innocent until proven guilty...you may be right in what your saying and like someone said i would lay a trap to see whether she is stealing from your daughter...that way you would knowxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx((((((((:

this girl comes round every morning on the way to school,she comes at 7.30 and my daughter is still getting ready(brushing teeth etc) so is often left on her own in the room. i think i'm going to have to set a trap but one things for sure is she defenately won't be welcome in our house again if she has done it, Karen

This happened to me when my son was about 13. One of his friends used to come and they would play the playstation in his bedroom. My son kept his piggy bank under his bed. As he didn't get a lot of money I knew how much he had, anyway one day I went to get some change and there was 5 pounds missing, I knew he hadn't spent it. This happened a couple of times and eventually I set a trap to catch the boy out. I went in one day on the pretence of looking for change and knew he had taken another 5 pounds, funny enough a few minutes later the boy said he found the 5 pounds on the floor. Rumbled good and proper. He knew I knew he had done it and never was asked back to my house/

Guess the invite for this 'friend' must no longer be given to her to be in your home. It may have to be a subtle thing if she's always there. Your busy! or its not convenient at the mo may be the way & your daughter may have to gradually withdraw from her. Very sad isn't when things go pear shape

Janet, thats what i thought about doing,so i think i will now you've said it, Karen

Seems we're talking early teens? This would be my plan - leave something not too precious out. Plan for daughter to go to toilet, leaving friend alone in room. When daughter goes back to room, go up on pretext on collecting the item, which you remember leaving there. If it has disappeared, ask them both to help you look for it, must have fallen down on floor somewhere etc. Insist both of them help you look until it is found, as you need it for ..... Say it has got to be in this room, I only put it there 15 minutes ago. Jay