General Chat

just wanted to let off some steam......a few weeks ago my daughter had £5 on her bedside cabinet and it vanished....although she is very organised and knows where everthing is usually we thought maybe she'd misplaced it but then last night she realised two pairs of her earings are missing...they are kept on a holder and are 'going out' earings and i know she hasn't worn them. How awful to think that your friend is taking your things, sorry for going on, Karen

Very sad! You may have to set some sort of trap to see who it is.

Shirley,we think we know who it is.....to do with an incident at school......won't say anymore than that but when you have no proof you can't do anything about it, Karen

I agree set a trap-leave another £5 note somewhere in your daughters room-see what happens. Very sad though. catherine xx

Know the feeling - it's horrble isn't it. Has happened here as well. £5 here and there and ALWAYS when daughters friend has been here. What makes it worse is that I can ill afford it and this girl gets £20 (!!!) a DAY pocket money. Trouble is can't prove it and don't think her mum would believe me anyway. Libby x

Is this in your home? Daughter's home? Shared flat? (Don't know what age group we are talking about.) I always find it very worrying if the culprit continually gets away with it (only have experience of young children ) and can't rest until I find out who, then deal with the why. Jay

its in our house...my daughter is 12.something happened at school but there was no proof and everyone said oh....... wouldn't do that but a few months ago this girl borrowed something from another friend but then denied having it and we thought it was just a misunderstanding but now. My daughter is just so upset,like she said to me she should be able to leave her things laying around in her room without thinking they're gonna go missing, Karen

Seems we're talking early teens? This would be my plan - leave something not too precious out. Plan for daughter to go to toilet, leaving friend alone in room. When daughter goes back to room, go up on pretext on collecting the item, which you remember leaving there. If it has disappeared, ask them both to help you look for it, must have fallen down on floor somewhere etc. Insist both of them help you look until it is found, as you need it for ..... Say it has got to be in this room, I only put it there 15 minutes ago. Jay

Janet, thats what i thought about doing,so i think i will now you've said it, Karen

Guess the invite for this 'friend' must no longer be given to her to be in your home. It may have to be a subtle thing if she's always there. Your busy! or its not convenient at the mo may be the way & your daughter may have to gradually withdraw from her. Very sad isn't when things go pear shape

This happened to me when my son was about 13. One of his friends used to come and they would play the playstation in his bedroom. My son kept his piggy bank under his bed. As he didn't get a lot of money I knew how much he had, anyway one day I went to get some change and there was 5 pounds missing, I knew he hadn't spent it. This happened a couple of times and eventually I set a trap to catch the boy out. I went in one day on the pretence of looking for change and knew he had taken another 5 pounds, funny enough a few minutes later the boy said he found the 5 pounds on the floor. Rumbled good and proper. He knew I knew he had done it and never was asked back to my house/

this girl comes round every morning on the way to school,she comes at 7.30 and my daughter is still getting ready(brushing teeth etc) so is often left on her own in the room. i think i'm going to have to set a trap but one things for sure is she defenately won't be welcome in our house again if she has done it, Karen

Karen i can understand your concerns but i always say innocent until proven guilty...you may be right in what your saying and like someone said i would lay a trap to see whether she is stealing from your daughter...that way you would knowxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx((((((((:

Hi Lisa, i haven't said she did do it.....i have no proof whatsoever but there are things that i won't go into which leads me to believe that it might have been her....but i would never go out and say she did it without any proof. i hope nobody thought i was saying i was sure it was her....its just a feeling, Karen

It really is horrible. I was shocked as that was the first time anything like that had happened to my kids. Sounds to me she may have a problem, maybe is attention seeking. Could also be she is jelous of your daughters nice things. Whatever the reason there is no excuse. I know what you mean by you had a feeling. I had a gut feeling although I really didn't want to believe it.

How close is your daughter to this friend Karen? If they are close friends then perhaps your daughter could bring up the subject of the earings saying that they have gone missing and as they were a gift she is really upset. She could say you have been asking her why she hasn't worn them and she doesn't know what to do. Maybe her friend could help her 'find' them as she knows they must be in her room somewhere. One thing though...hide all valuables first! :; Linda

At 7.30? Why is she round so early? Perhaps there is a problem at home - £20 per day sounds no substitute for proper attention and guidance. Jay

I've had a lot of experience of children stealing sweets, crisps, small change because they were hungry. That was easy to deal with. Others stole because the object was attractive and they coveted it. Again, that was reasonably easy to deal with - moral chat in general about how the victim is feeling, put yourself in their shoes, etc The hardest one to deal with was when it seemed to have a deeper cause and this could be what's happening here. Jay

I would say to set a trap too but I wouldn't leave money - at the end of the day, how can it be proven whose money it is? If you left something that can be identified as your daughter's belongings and leave that as a trap. Make sure that it's nothing extremely expensive but that it is small enough to but in a bag or pocket. Isn't it awful that we have to become devious ourselves to catch people like this out? Best wishes, Lyn x x x

I wouldnt set a trap cos thats like putting temptation in their way but if I suspected somebody I would tell them to wait on the doorstep and not invite them in. I did have one incident similar and my daughter was sobbing about it so i stopped the girl from coming in as she was a friend of the eldest and stole from the youngest. She is now a mother herself and is quite polite to me when she comes into the shop