General Chat

i know a whole bunch,,,of liars,,,,, Labour Party Cabinet Minister's.

Hi Mandy Compulsive lying is a really strong symptom of a personality disorder. People with personality disorders are becoming more common and I would love to see more information for regular people about them as a run in or relationship with someone suffering from one can be devastating Try googling personality disorders and have a really good read. You may recognise the full set of symptoms for your friend. The 2 I see most about are narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. In fact anyone reading this message should check out these sites,we all encounter these people on a daily basis sometimes in real life and sometimes on the internet,it is useful to know what you are dealing with so as not to react or become involved with them. Regards Tania PS I had my lesson after marriage to a Narcissist.

OC - yes they do steal something from you: your time and trust and because of that they also steal from other people. Once caught is twice shy and there is a tendency for those that have been lied to to be wary of believing anyone quite so readily again for fear of being duped a second time. Consequently they are slow to respond to people that speak the truth. Mags x

My liar told an ex girlfirend a relative had died and left him a lot of money she unknowingly went and asked another relative how the family were and how sorry she was. It was her that the family turned on saying she had made it up caused a terrible upset luckily the people that mattered knew the truth. In a way sad that he had to resort to this to try and win her affection back. He was in another relationship at the time. Sad when people get to this state. Germaine x

Been thinking about this (sad or what) and yes, there are two types of compulsive liars. My daughter worked in a bar to fund her way through college. One of the bar flies was a puny bloke, very young we all thought, but actually 29, who regularly managed to water-ski his way to work, tackle 14 muggers singlehanded and rescue ten people from a burning building, all before he arrived in the bar at 11a.m. sharp. He was always the hero of the hour in his own stories, so I guess it was an ego-boosting exercise. Everyone laughed at him, but my daughter is a soft soul and she was kind to him and listened to his ravings. It turned nasty - he started following her around, 'accidentally' bumping into her when she came out of college, phoning her and asking for dates. He bought her an expensive gold necklace for her 21st - I shudder to think where he got the money from - despite the fact that she now had a steady boyfriend. He told everyone he was engaged to her, carried a photo around. New boyfriend was a copper and warned him off unofficially at first, then they gave him an official harrassment warning. The Landlord banned him from the Pub, but he just hung around outside. To our utter horror and I still don't know how this happened, he and his parents moved into the flat above ours. He would lean out of his bedroom window, above my daughter's and tap on her window with a fishing rod. In the end, copper boyfriend and a few mates off duty, 'sorted him out'. I didn't approve of this really, I hate violence, but it worked. He now has a real girlfriend and someone who knows him says all the lying has stopped and he is just an ordinary sort of bloke now. Possibly he was just so lonely that things got out of hand when a pretty girl was kind to him and he was so used to his own fantasy world that he had no experience of real emotions and real people. The compulsive liars who exist in their own fantasy world are usually harmless. It is, as a previous poster said, the ones who try to drag you into their fantasies and make you play the part that satisfies them - the need for sympathy and attention, who are offensive, because in some way they have stolen something from you that they do not deserve. OC

I know one a relative the sorry thing is that they have always made up stories and their parents always believed them and if you questioned it you were made to feel you were in the wrong.. It at times has caused a lot of trouble for innocent people. Also when they do tell the truth you don't believe them I don't think they are as bad now as they were but the thing is like most people I always wonder if what they say is true . Something awful happened to them a couple of years back ( well if it is true) and though I think there may be some truth in it there is that nagging doubt. Sometimes I feel sorry for them and in a way blame thier parents as they just took everything as fact and took it out on other people. Germaine x

Although it's very sad to read all these stories, I'm glad that it's not just me in this difficult position. Jill, that's exactly what I was thinking - sooner or later it will be 'cry wolf', she will tell her friends something that is actually true but none of us will believe her. Thanks for your replies, Mandy xx

The shame is that if something really does go bad for a compulsive liar,no-one will believe them. xx Jill

I know a compulsive liar. Ive only known Janice * (Name changed to protect identity) a few months, but it seems every week, I get an email from her, crying over her latest drama. And dramas they are, some are so far fetched its hardly believable it seems she is attention seeking 24/7. She mails her tale of woe, gains the usual load of sympathy / advice, then suddenly seems ok for a few days / weeks, then once the attention has died down, another drama unfolds. What is sad though is lots of her mates are at last realising that she is lying, and attention seeking. People are not bothered anymore to believe her tall tales. and to be honest people are now laughing at her, as no one likes to be made a fool of, least of all from a grown woman with children. Next week a tall tale is due......most likely aliens whould have abducted her.during eastenders E x

I am sure it should be treated as an illness, aggravating though it is. I wonder if it is a case of low self esteem and the need to boost their image with other people. Maybe they are to be pitied more than scorned. But also maybe there is more than one type of compulsive liar,as in the teenagers who hopefully grow out of it and the adult who can't kick the habit/can't help it. having said that Mandy, I don't know what the answer is, unless one day she trips up and you can challenge her and ask her why she does it. Sad that she will lose friends because they are probably the people who need them most. Sorry not much help, just wanted to comment. Ann Glos

Yes, that could be true Jess !

I think some people weave such a tangled web of lies, that even they forget the truth sometimes. maybe they really do believe themselves? Jess

Hello Mandy, yes, I know a compulsive liar - its my brother. He's always been like it, and always gets caught out... don't believe a word he says anymore (although ironically I don't think he does it quite so much anymore). The only good thing about it is because I've got quite good at spotting the lies, I can normally spot one of these fantasists a mile off ! Paul xxx

Thank you all very much for your replies. I guess it's like any other addiction - the person can't get help unless they realise they need it? If only they realised that their friends love them for who they are, not what an 'interesting' life they lead. Mandy x

Love the Christmas name, Mandy. I work with teenagers, as you know, and to some of them lying is second nature - usually to avoid trouble. A few of them embroider in an effort to appear more interesting to their peers but this usually backfires. At that age they are much more confrontational and the poor liar ends up a laughing stock and loses many friends. One such is now at uni and hasn't changed her habits. I actually feel really sorry for her. When she was 15 she invented a rape and the birth of a child at the age of 11 - although she was in one of my groups then and I'm sure I'd have noticed. I only found out when she killed the child off in a car accident and one of the others asked me to raise a collection. She stopped coming before I could tackle her about it but the child has reappeared in her uni life, I've been told. With her, as with other adults, it is pathological and a mental illness. Most youngsters grow out of it. It must be very wearing to be involved with a pathological liar as you could never tell when they are telling the truth. It must be hard to be the liar as well - so many lies to remember and more lies to be invented to explain the earlier lies. I think they must be very unhappy to need so much attention, which eventually becomes attention of the wrong kind. I'm guessing it's down to low self esteem but how can they ever raise their self esteem when they must despise themselves for the lies? Friendships must be shallow because they have to keep moving on once the lies are exposed. I hope the girl I taught seeks help or she will have a very lonely life. The sad thing is that she is a lovely girl, apart from the lies, kind and caring. She just doesn't feel interesting enough. Gwynne

lol OC wish I could do that to a mother....and trust me I've been blunt !

I have a friend who is tactless in the extreme, honest as the day is long and always calls a spade a b******y shovel. Whilst both in the company of a compulsive liar who was giving us some self-dramatic tale of pity, my friend suddenly said 'Oh, fgs,stop trying to make yourself sound more interesting' Cruel - but it worked! She shut up after that. OC

I do know some one like this and altho she does a lot of good ..collecting and delivering goods to 3rd world countries while on hols. I still believe she has lost a lot of 'friends' due to her tendency to 'embelish'. I know she is lonely , but I think this tendecy is an illness more than anything, a compulsion to be heard, to be needed.If any one knows the answer , there is no easy solution.I would love to hear ... how do I tell my Mum she is a Walter Mitty

I've had a personal experience of a compulsive liar who caused great anguish to several people and made me who was a work colleague very angry. Now if I think someone is lying then I just laugh, not unkindly, but I won't be that gullable again. I also worked with a girl who fell for an undercover cop. He was exforces and a real hunk. Really nice lad. They decided to get engaged and he pointed out a large house which he said he used to live in. He was an orphan etc. She then began to suspect he wasn't as kosha as he said and it then all hit the fan. He was an undercover cop, was in £80,000 debt, his parents were still alive and well etc etc. Needless to say the relationship ended and he got booted out of the police force. Funnily enough a few years ago I was reading the newspaper and there was some celeb who had hired bodyguards and you guessed it. There was he as bold as brass with his picture in the paper. I haven't got a problem generally with people who tell porkies but when it hurts and affects others then it is a serious problem. Aileen xxx

Hi Mandy I have a relative who is also a compulsive liar! Amongst an endless stream of lies, she went so far as to tell us all she was having a baby and put on weight and wore maternity dresses etc even her own mother was excited about the birth which was not to be! I agree that it is some sort of illness and perhaps it is some sort of personality disorder rather than OCD. It is a difficult one to tackle with your friend and I agree with OC that it could be done in a sort of jest to begin with! Good luck Mandy hope it works out for your friends sake Kaz x