General Chat

Dad's given me till new year to find somewhere else to live! I'm in such a state, my sister told me something my dad said to her earlier in jest and all I could get out of it was that he really does want to get rid of me. She doesn't understand how it feels to be the black sheep, not feel like part of the family or even loved by your own parents. I just feel I've dissappointed them time and time again. I don't know what to do renting privately is far to expensive, the council can't help and going into a flat share is a bit scary. U never know who your moving in with these days, my friends can't afford it either. I really don't know what to do. Anyone got any suggestions? I hate being me, if the saying life is wat you make it true then I've done a really bad job at making mine! Sx

Oh Stacey,I do feel for you.I have come across a lot of kids that have became homeless and not all there fault.Please do not blame yourself,you are who you are and please be proud of that.He has made you that person.Please go to your homeless section of your council.I wish you luck. Annie

Have you tried Housing Associations? I know it's expensive and scary to do it on your own.I hope you find somewhere soon. ((((HUGS)))) Heather x

Hi how old are you? are you earning a decent wage?

Racey Stacey Are you SURE your Dad wants you out 'by the New Year'. If so, ask him where you are supposed to go and how you are supposed to arrange this over the festive season, when it would be difficult to arrange accommodation even if it were available. I don't know what age you are, but if your Dad is really serious, then ask him to serve you with an Eviction Notice. He will have to apply to the Court for this and he might be reluctant to do it, but if he does, you will then be entitled to help from the Council. Hope your dad is just making an idle threat, or this is his idea of a joke. OC

is your sister just stirring things up? Has you Dad actually asked you to leave by New Year?

He's made one too many idle threats in the past, I got kicked out before but came back after 3 months of sleeping on a friend sofa. I'm pretty sure he's serious this time. I know I could be blowing it out of proportion but I'm just feeling less and less like part of this family that I think they really do want me out. I'm 20 earning a good wage but not fantastic, plus I have a car on finance and a few other bits which makes the money I have to move out even less. There's not a lot around this way for cheap money. I tried looking up about housing associations but couldn't really figure out how they worked (being a bit ditzy)! I've suffered from depression for the last year and half, I've managed to control it without pills and kept it out of my work and social life but I'm starting to show at work and I don't know how to hide it now. It's just this whole thing is getting to me and making it worse, not knowing what to do if/when it happens. God you must all think I'm a stupid moaning kid, I just don't know who else to talk to. Sx

Hi Stacey, I dont know how old you are but listen, i know this is probably a hard thing to ask of you, but can you please talk to your parents first... tell them how you feel... what you have said on here, is exactly what you need to tell your parents.. honestly! We all at some time during our teenage years and some of us later on, have felt this way, that we are nothing but trouble to our family and that our parents dont love us.. yet this is as far from the truth as possible.. your parents DO love you.. always have and always will.. growing up, is a scary time of our lives, and just as much as you worry and fret about the path you lead, so do your parents. in their hopes and dreams for you, everything should be perfect for your life, but in trying to lead you on the right path, they may sometimes get frustrated, angry, upset, that the goals they wish for you, have not happened. We all want whats best for our children.. but its not until our children have children of their own, do they understand this passion and desire for whats best. If, things are so very bad at home, and i am sure thay are not as bad as you are feeling right now, ask your parents for help in movivng on... practical and emotional. i am sure they will give you the support and help you need. just try to stay positive... and dont think the worst. take care. Em xx

Stacey,Keep on in there.You are doing brilliant.The kids i have put up with had nothing to start with.I would be proud of you. Annie

Before you jump to conclusions,ask him straight,ask him why and see what you can maybe promise to do to keep your bed there. Say, for instance, he says he's fed up with you coming home at all hours.say you'll be home by 11pm and BE HOME by 11pm. if its his house, he has the right to make the rules- if you want to stay there you may have to give a bit - or a lot

I have been to hell and back with my 2 daughters. The eldest one has a baby of her own and often returns to live back at home not that we want her living here but she has not had anywhere else to live. We do love her and her son to bits but our house isnt big enough for the 2 of them so we had to practically force her to move out but I did all the running around to find her a place and had to prise her out of ours into hers... So even if you are asked to leave doesnt mean you are not part of the family.

EM, I can appreciate what you are saying and I can see that you are very right in the things that you are saying too. I've tried before to talk to them about how I feel and they go on about stop feeling hard done by and sorry for myself. I tried talking to my mum about my depression too but she doesn't think that its a big thing she had it a few years ago so it means nothing. I'm fed up with trying to talk to them it gets me no where just in more arguements. Jess I hardly ever go out anymore, but when I do I'm not out late. It's not that, that's the problem he's got a short temper and if something really silly is said it'll set him off on one. Sx

Hi stacey.. again ;) sorry when i wrote my reply i didnt see the posting regards your depression. Please do me a favour, go to your GP, and tell him how you feel. As a mother of four daughters... and of course i remember my 20's, and the trouble i went through particuarly with my own mother.. i really do understand how you feel. sometimes its not what we say, its how we say it that makes all the difference.. But if all else fails, there is loads of help out there.. organisations and charities specifically aimed at your age group and type of problems. there are loads of people on here for a start willing to help.. and here to listen. But first, go to your GP, i am more concerned by your emotional state, and health, and that, above everything else is more important.. Em x

Stacey sweetie Pleaseeeee don't ever try and manage depression on your own (you don't want to hear my story about doing that - honest!). Go to your GP and take whatever medication they give you for it - remember depression is just an illness like any other and therefore nothing to be ashamed of. Within a few weeks of treatment you WILL start to feel a lot better and your relationship with your family will improve too. I promise!! (((Hugs))) Mary x

Stacy - i wasn't implying you did stay out late - it was just an example of compromise.

Stacey, hi, sorry you are in such a horrible situation right now, but wanted to tell you how my son managed. When he was 17 he and I argued a lot, so one day he came home and said he had found a room in a shared house, it broke my heart cos I didn't really want him to go, I love him dearly, but he wouldn't do anything to help at home, just lay in bed when he wasn't out or working and didn't life a finger to help in any way at all, just messed the place up more than it already was. Anyway I went to help him clean the room ready to move in, and gave him what things I had to help, like linen etc and he was there for several months. It was quite a scruffy house, but as he had no idea how to look after a place or do his washing etc, (he would never learn at home) he had to muddle through. He had the downstairs front room of a walk in terrace, so had the front door to himself and a lock on the inner door through to the hall and downstairs bathroom, kitchen and sitting room. After a while he got fed up cos the landlord kept going in without notice, (they are supposed to let you know before visiting) and he also used the front door and went through my boy's room, even tho he should have gone round the back and in through the communal door etc. My lad kept going to the council and of course they said no chance, but finally he was behind a drunk who had been thrown out of the night shelter for fighting, and saw this man offered a flat. My son queried it and was told that was the way the rules were, so he went away and looked at the Equality charter, and wrote to our local MP. Within two weeks he had been offered a lovely flat by a housing association who help disadvantaged or young hard up people with housing. It can be done! You have to be firm but polite and the best way for you to find out your rights is to go to an advice centre. At least you might get a bed and breakfast place to start with if your doctor says you are depressed and need help. Always worth a try, but if you can talk to your family and stay home while you save for a deposit, and you feel you would be happier away from them eventually, then try that. I will tell you that nearly 7 years on my son and I get on really well, we are very close and leaving home was the making of him in many ways. You can furnish a home very reasonably from charity shops and such places, and sometimes there are places where furniture is donated especially for people who can't afford new or those on benefits. You could also contact the local YMCA equivalent, if there is somewhere like that in your area. Make a visit to your doctor the first port of call and see what he can do to help you and go from there. Don't do anything hasty, in temper or panic, and stay in touch with us all on here if you can, so we can help support you emotionally. Lots of luck - look on this as a new challenge rather than a backward move, and wait for new experiences to come your way and embrace them. A New Year, a new chapter in your life, who knows what lovely things could happen for you. Liz x

Thank you all so much for your kind words, advice and support. My friends don't really understand and I can't talk to my parents they don't really do the talking thing in my house. That and the fact I get told I'm feeling sorry for myself or it's not a big deal! I don't want to have to rely on pills to get me through my depression, I also don't want to be one of those people that gets stuck on them for years. Things is they're not going to solve my problems just hide them. Your all so very kind and I really do appreciate it. Sx

Stacey, loads of good advice here. One thing you said about taking pills for depression. I am sure that the latest pills are not addictive/habit frming and are just to help you get over the worst. I can appreciate that you want to solve your depression without medication but you can't do it on your own, you do need to talk to a doctor. You can tell the doctor you don't want medication he/she wont force you to take it but they will give you advice. Keep in touch with us on here, you will get a lot of support. Ann Glos

the council should help if your dad can put it in writing that he wants you out , as you have not made yourself intentionally home less i never felt wanted either , it ruined my child hood but love yourself and others and you will go a long way here for you if you ever want to chat love lorraine xxx

Stacey as long as they don't give you Prozac then most depression pills are only meant to be taken for a year!! Please go to your doc or speak to a social worker as I am sure there is more you can do than you know of. D x