General Chat

hi, i`m just wondering if any one knows what i should do... my 14 yr old was beaten up in school today, spent 4 hours at the primary care centre to get him checked as we thought his nose was broken..... the school advised that it might be a good idea to phone the police but my son i scared that it will make things worse.. i really wanted to know whether the school should involve the police as it happened on school premises in school time....our kids are supposed to be under their care in school hours(or so i thought) so does this mean they should be the ones to involve the police, and it would also mean my son isn`t the GRASS which could cause more problems... is there anyone out there with any knowledge about these things thanx sharon

Sharon, I feel you should definately involve the police i know I would, Caz xxxx

In my experience it's the parents who need to involve the police Gwynne

i want to phone them,, but my son does not want me to as he is scared of what will happen afterwards.. he is very soft so gets picked on and a lot of grief off people, which is why i thought that the school should involve the police as it happened at school, i also thopught they are responsible for our kids while in school hours sharon

It's a catch 22 isn't it. If you call the police, as your son fears it could make things worse, though I think it would be very short lived as the school would have to keep a close eye on the situation, and if you don't, they will continue anyway. As far as the school being responsible, yes and no, ultimately it is the parents responsibility to see that thier children are safe and secure, even at school. Unfotunate, but as schools themselves have very little disciplinary power these days, then if does fall to the parents to take over. If it was as serious as it seems, then I would be inclined to call in the police, IF the school fail to do anything about it themselves. I'd only give them a couple of days at the most too.

Sharon my sister is a head of department at a secondary school with a 'rough' catchment area. The Head of School and Board of Governors refused to permanently exclude pupils because it resulted in the schools budget being slashed. Teachers as well as pupils were regular visitors to A & E. It might be worth mentioning this solution to your sons school. Sisters school still does not permanently exclude pupils what it does is bring criminal charges against them. This means their parents have to be involved and responsibility passes from the school to police and/or social workers. This policy has been in force for a little over a year now and my sister says the results are noticeable. Pupils are very aware that the school has a zero tolerance of violence, drugs and other anti-social behaviour and a lot of the worst offenders are terrified of their parents. Hope it gets resolved for your son. T.O.R. xx

Hi sharon My son was bullied at school and I kept him home until the school guaranteed his safety , they usually do this pretty quickly as they don,t want bad publicity, my arguement is that when a child is on school propery they are the schools responsibility, any harm that comes to that child is their fault. If my son had been badly assaulted as yours was I would have got the police involved but only on the understanding that the school would suspend the bullies until the matter had been solved. lorraine

hi sharon, my son was also bullied at school, and yes i called the police, tho they weren't very helpful as my son did not have a witness, but it is down to you if you want them involved, i'd call them,

the boy has been excluded, but for how long !!!!!!!!!!!!! i just thought if the school had a responsibility to phone the police then my son could not be blamed for involving them..as in the school get the police involved as an assault has taken place on there premises does that make sense??? sharon

hi sharon As far as i know its up to the individual if they want to press charges , as least the school has suspended the boy. lorraine

Sharon, my daughter was beaten up by a girl at school and she attacked her again on the bus on the way home, she was 14 at the time. I went to the police and complained. They asked me what I wanted to do. I said this girl needed to be stopped as she had damaged my daughters glasses (she was wearing them when this girl attacked her) and my duaghter was a nervous wreck time she had got home. The police visited this girls home and her parents were totally unaware of what she had been up to. The girl herself was shocked to find the police on her doorstep and it stopped immediately. Go to the police and make a formal complaint, do not let your son suffer. My youngest child does not attend state school where I live, he is home tutored. A couple of weeks back a 13yr old girl was surrounded and attacked by other children at her own school all13/15...in our High st. This is no more than a ten minute walk from where I live and the school my son would have had to go to if he was in the state system. Bullying in this country is out of control....said daughter was beaten up when she was 7 as well, so don't anyone tell me it's getting better..... I wish you and your son a happy ending to this problem. Nanna-Moo ;-(

The victim has to make any complaint, even if the school phoned the police they could do nothing unless your son made a complaint. That's why schools leave it to parents to decide. Gwynne

according to my son this boy is a right sh**, so i`m wondering if the school are trying to leave it up to me to do something about it to take the heat away from them???? i only spoke to the teacher who saw it happen, when i picked him up from school there was no-one else there to talk to me and i do know the deputy head quite well as jordan has had lots of problems with bullying and he was aware of what happened.. so why wasn`t he there to talk to me or help... think a visit to the school tommorrow may get me somewhere... i just feel so miserable about all this....and i am sick of worrying every day when my son goes to school thinking somethings gonna happen sharon

Hi sharon I would refuse to send him to school until they sort it out, contact the police and tell them its not the 1st time it has happened , if you have a teacher as a witness the police should do something about it . I would contact a solicitor and try for an exclusion order to keep this boy away from your son. Most solicitors will give an intial meeting free of charge. Hope everthing works out ok lorraine

we are not frightened of the police being involved its the `who called them` that causes the problem. if the school should inform them first then the school made the first call.... this is the thing that makes a difference.. who made the first call sharon

Sharon, I've only just read your message and would just like to tell you that at my kids secondary school, the head teacher would have involved the police. Our school is in the east end of London, police are always outside the school gates lunchtime and hometime. Despite this there are still fights, seen it myself many times. A couple of weeks ago two boys fighting off school grounds, one stabbed the other, in the head, with a comb. These boys are 13/14 years old. 3 years ago when my daughter first started this school, I received a phone call from the head saying my daughter had been sexually assaulted by a boy of the same age, she informed me that although the assault was not very, very serious, she was going to phone his mother, and threatend that if any more behaviour like that happend again she would report him to the police. I was fuming, wished I was 11 again, so I could give him a good hiding myself. I know its not right but next day I got someone I know, with a bit of a reputation and same sort of age to have words with him, to put it lightly, and he was ordered to apologise to my daughter. No problems since. We can't all go round fighting fire with fire so do what you said and go to the school tomorrow and find out what their policies are in these incidents. Bullies have to be stopped, however you choose to stop them, otherwise the problem just spirals out of control, until the culprit really does someone some damage. Hope your son is OK and good luck tomorrow - Carol

Who calls the police has to be doing it on behalf of your son - I think you are the only person who can do that. I'm sure the school will back you up but I don't see how they can act on his behalf. Schools will rarely involve the police unless the parents say that's what they want and the parents make the complaint on behalf of the child. There is obviously a bullying problem in the school - perhaps if you involve the police that may be the beginning of getting it sorted out. Gwynne

Sharon Sorry this message comes to you over my OH name but I work for the Prison service and trust m go with what you feel in your heart!!! school rules fail because there is no disapline anymore thats why I get so much work! LOL

how much trust to have with the school !!!!! they will say anything to you to clear themselves. this lad and his mate pushed jordan(my son) to the ground and kicked into him at school last week. i informed the school because he walked out, and this lad has done it again !!!!!!!!!! don`t want to be funny with the school as it may be more harmful sharon

Sharon By what you say the school don't appear to be dealing with the problem. I would certainly involve the police it is not right that your son should have to face such treatment. I do hope that you can get this sorted. Hope your son is ok. Beryl x