General Chat

Just discovered Mothers Day is March 18th-the same day I lost my Stephen, had plans, took annual leave, was gonna spend ther day replanting Stephens grave-should I still do that-or what-got four other kids to consider-sods law or what? help please.

Hard one although if life is for the living maybe you should go with what the other 4 want - you are after all their mother too. you can replant the grave anyday, maybe the day before even

yea, but, meant so much to me, now utterly lost. do not know where to turn, wanted it so much to be Stephens day-now what?????? I will have to expect flowers, cards etc. but can I face them and smile?

Tha plan was, to save them money, each of them give me six plants, and just tell me the colour, and I would go to the grave early, plant them out, colour co-ordinated, and then celebrate his life, now I find it is Mothers Day-b....y h..l

Jennifer. I think it is a day for the living. It will be a hard time for you though. Gerry :-))

Other children may have already planned to spend time with you. Could you do the bulk of the work to Stephen's grave in advance, so that perhaps you could just visit and place flowers on the actual day, so spending most of the day with your other children? Jay

I think your living children come first here. They will want it to be a happy day for you and may wish to spoil you. I am sure your son would understand. You can remember him every day. If it were me I'd postpone my plans and try not to let any particular date on the calendar become one to mourn. Spend the day with your other children then when you are quiet light a candle for your son, tell him you love him and sort out his grave another time. Sue

Going to be the hardest day of my life, if that is possible, where do I go from here? Sorry now o/h sayin time for bed-bloody heck!

No, please let your children give you what they want - and you, please accept them for yourself NOT for passing on to Stephen. Its their time to remember you as their wonderful mother - not your worry , this occasion, to save them money. Its hard, but it will get easier, Ann

Your loss was tragic, but it is important that you let your other children know that you care for them as well. Don't make them feel that they matter less to you than their brother did. Reg

The day may be hard for you but it is vital that your living children are your first priority. If you are not very careful they may get the idea that they are not as good and they can never live up to the son you have lost. If their desire to honour you as their mother has to come second to your grief then I fear you may drive a wedge between you and them. The living must always come first in a situation like this. So I think you will have to be as strong as you can and hide your sorrow for a few hours. Sue

Maybe you could do both? Could you not even involve your children with your original plans? I think maybe a balance between the two could be possible - perhaps you could all go to the grave in the morning, I'm sure they would like to help you plant it up - they must miss him too? Then maybe in the afternoon you could do something else together that would help lift all your spirits? It will be a hard day regardless of what you do, but you will get through it. All the best Kaye x

What Kaye said..........Dittox All go to see Stephen,then go for slap up meal....have fun.....laugh smile and above all else...make it a day he would have liked!xxxxxxxxx

I think my advice would be as everyone has said, have you spoken to them about your plans or has anyone said anything to you about M. Day? Why not have a word with your hubby and ask him what he thinks, or to have a word with the rest of the family. I think combining the two things would be nice, Stephen will be with you in heart and spirit. Liz

Thank you all for your ideas-have had a chat with two of my Sons and the general opinion is what most of you have suggested-all go to the grave together and then out for dinner-my children know how important they are to me and also how important Stephen was to us all-this has certainy bought us all closer together-it will be a hard day, but together we will get through it. Bless you all.

Have a lovely day Jennifer:o)) jude sarf wales :o) xx

Thinking of you today Jennifer and of Stephen and hope that you and your children have a good day remembering him together. Ann Glos

What ever you all do .....do it with LOVE and tonnes of it Take care

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Enjoy your Mothers day Jennifer Mau((xx))