General Chat

Thanks everyone for your replies. I suppose it's just a matter of getting on with things. Pat x

hey babe you can choose your friends but not your family, its their loss, just you get on with your life and be happy. hugs & xxxxx Ann xx

(((hugs))) for you Pat - you are a lovely kind and caring lady and you have a fantastic husband and kids - try and count your blessings hun :-)) Maz. XX

Ann, I am happy with my life now. To be honest it's the best at the moment than it has been for years. I just have problems with the past that's all! Maz Thanks. Feeling a bit crap today! Just emotional i think from going to my dad. I found out that he has not had ANY visitors other than me in the last year. Worse than that, Im the only person to write to him aswell. I feel so bad for him. Pat x

I do feel for you, I think as far as your half-siblings go, it is not so much rejection as divided loyalty? They probably feel that to be in touch with you is being disloyal to their mother. I do have a bit of experience of this, though it isn't me so don't want to give too much detail. Half -siblings probably realise as they become adult that their parents divorce isn't a black and white issue, but I think their loyalty usually lies with the parent they stay with. From the other side, I know as a single mum who doesn't have any contact with son's father that one day my son will possibly track him down and that it is possible that there may be half-siblings, How will I feel if son wants contact given a degree of bad feeling?( On both sides) Don't know yet! Son will no doubt have to tread a very fine line! Rosexxx

I met my dad's second family when I started this, and they seemed so nice we were all talking and laughing and I felt totaly at ease with them, when I got back home I emailed one of my step-sisters to thank her for sorting it all out, and guess what non of them speak to me, why??? I have no idea, as I have asked but they haven't the decency to let me know, so there is no way I can even say sorry....So I guess they have lost out, because I would have at least given them the opertunity.... Bev

I have two brothers who especially since my Mum died, and the family house was cleared, do not bother to make contact except for a card at Christmas. One brother does chat or email very occasionally if I contact him first, but his wife never bothers, it is always my bro. If I contact him and tell him about relatives' news he is not that interested and the other brother doesn't make any effort at all, his wife is a snooty madam (no reason to be, just ideas above her station!) and she ends printed formal type Christmas cards to everyone, that is the only contact. Both my brothers live just 16 miles or so from me and about the same distance from each other. I have made a lot of effort to stay in touch with all family members, taking over Mum's address book when she died in 1995. I have also visited some of the relatives I had not met before. My own son met his father when I took him to Malta at the age of 3 and a half, his father had not acknowledged him till then, as soon as they met the father took us to see my son's grandmother and aunt and uncle, and we went back to Malta a few times till my Dad died and my Mum was ill. My son's father used to write to him , send him cards and little gifts etc, then he found a new woman and my son at the age of 10 got a letter in his birthday card to say he would soon have a step brother or sister. Son's father meant half bro or sister. Soon after he got another card which said I am pleased to tell you I have a son! Luckily my lad never noticed the wording of this but I did and nearly hit the roof, felt like screaming at this idiot of a man that he already had a son, my lad. The sibling was born 10years and 4 days after my lad! We visited Malta when my lad was 13 and the boy 3, after my Mum died, and we were told afterwards that despite his dad taking my lad out a few times with the toddler, and seeing the stepmother, the toddler has been brought up to know us only as family friends!!! He is now coming up to 15 and my son 25 and this year my son and I hope to visit Malta. His nanna and aunt still keep in touch at Christmas and birthdays but his dad stopped any contact at all, after our visit, before that he had stopped writing dad on cards and writing his name instead! When we were there the nanna and aunt would contact us at the hotel we stayed at and arrange to meet us secretly so the stepmother didn't find out. Unbelieveable!!! I just wonder what the young lad will think of his parents when he realises he has been lied to for so long. This is the way things get mixed up so that half brothers and sisters end up not wanting to be in contact, through dishonesty and cover ups by adults. Honesty is always the best policy. My son has no time for his father now, just says he is total pr**t!