General Chat

thanks ann, i think your write he was scary although i never saw him hit mum, he belted me a lot, i may have to see a councilor but frightend always have been of breaking down, but i see this as a first step thanks agin jax going on now xx

I think by putting all this pn here is a good start - you have bottled it up for too long. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Love Mary xx

i just hope peeps dont mind, this last dream just was to much xxx

Puss hunny get on msn please i wanna talk to ya :o) ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Lorraine, Although your Mum says she believes you about your Dad, she may not have known at the time, or may have been scared of him for some reason, too scared to stop him. better to believe that she didn't know I think. Have you considered asking for counselling re your dreams now? Maybe it will help to exorcise things if you can talk about it on here. I am sorry you had such a sad childhood, it does sound as if, with your Mum, it was history repeating itself. ((((hugs)))) Ann Glos

she does try and justify the past and says you were a difficult child and i had a awnswer for everything, she once asked what my dad had done , it wasnt that bad but i think he died before it could go any further , she said he loved me so much he never wanted me to marry i was 10 ffs. why now is this all gonna crack me up, this was all brought to a head friday night when i watched my friend stand with his arm arround his daughter singing on the kareoke, sorry if this is too much but i dont no what to do

at 16 mum joined the wrens to get away from her stepdad and living in the remote farm, unfortuatley i guess feeling worthless and no esteem she met my dad who thankfully died when he was 32 lets just say he showed me the wrong kind of love, mum never knew but yraes later my violent ex told her just to spite me, although i felt nothing for my mum i still didnt think she needed to know . I didnt understand why i never felt wanted or loved why i had to look after 3 younger siblings why i got the blame for everything went wrong why we had to leave my nana and home town why when she remarried every argument they had i got blamed for it why she could physically show love to my siblings and not me , in later life why she would do anything for my sister including babysit, why she let me move from safe hostels because of a man who beat me , she even blamed me for that why my health is so damaged because i went off the rails at sixteen and why what ever i did who ever i married where ever i lived just wasnt good enough, one minute i can laugh with her as she can be nutty as a fruit cake next she can be a unimanagble snob, im trying to love , but why are my dreams of a childhood haunting me night after night , these dreams are showing me why i shouldnt love her they are dreams of me feeling her acting towards me of all the things she has done , my step dad is never in them or my real dad, just this dark feeling and whren i wake up i want to cry. in the years i was beaten i would hold my self and sob for my mum or some one to hold me, is this what she did as a child ? why is this happening now when i am a content adult having coming to terms of the past, i feerl this is trying to break me sorry for waffling but i need some awnsers, also when my mum phoned me and said is it true about my dead dad i just creid all she said was i belive you, why didnt she stop him.

im beginning to grow fond of my mum, i dont need her or depend on her but can look at her past and some things make sense, re ; showing affection and having a very split personality. My mum comes from a very middle class background, although she never new her father she was brought up first by her gran then when her mother remaried a farmer she went to live with them at the age of 3, her step father never spoke to her untill a few years ago, but she felt close to her mum although this was never physically shown, this im beginning to understand how this must of mapped her life out. continued.

Sounds as though your mum had it a bit tough through the first part of her life,but she must have been a strong person to come out of it all and sort herself a life out of a bad situation. She sounds a mum who you can be proud of as well .Fred.